The Invisible Walking Wounded

[free_spirit_etc]

I have been teaching college classes since 1993. In that time, thanks to the GI Bill, and the fact that one of the schools where I teach is a community college near nd Air Force Base, I have had the opportunity to have quite a few active duty military and vets in my classes.

The change that has occured the last couple of years is that some of the vets are now coming to class in wheelchairs.Young guys who went in the service walking and came out with no use of their legs.

But I also realize that these vets - who most people typically think of when they think of "disabled vets" are but a small portion of the wounded - and that many of the vets walking into my classroom are vets with disabilities I cannot see coming to school trying to do what they can to make their life work for them.

My thoughts and prayers are with them.

And hope they kept copies of their SMRs.

Free

[Josephine]

kkp.

Your story is so deep. You have me crying .

Take care,

Josephine

[free_spirit_etc]

Wow! Your post gave me goosebumps.

Powerful.

And it is so hard to for people to understand the disabilities they can't see. In fact, even being in Had it - it took the realization that I know have vets in w/c's in my classes EVERY semester for me to wake up and say - Wow! This is just the tip of the iceberg I am seeing. We have a whole new generation of kids getting wounded in so many ways...ways that we can not always see.

Though I am not a disabled vet my experience with my son's disability has been one of those "but people can't see it" type things. He is high functioning autistic. So he looks pretty normal. And can even seem to be pretty normal on the surface. It was especially rough during his adolescence when people would THINK he was "normal" and blame his akward social responses on his attitude. So, of course, they would snap at him and everything - and then, of course, he would snap back - which confirmed their beliefs - and gave them a reason to be unkind.

It is a little easier now - because he HAS matured - and at 27 - when he isn't mature - people are more likely to get the hint that maybe something is going on - so they are much less likely to jump to "teach him a lesson."

But I remember a social worker that told me once, "It would be easier if your son was a little worse - so people could see that and know." Or the doctor that asked me "Where are you going to hide him?"

I remember once seeing obviously disabled child with his parents - and the thought crossing my mind how LUCKY his parents were that people could SEE their child's disability - and be less likely to judge the child because he didn't act like they would have expected him to had they not seen it.

And there were times I would really get on my son because I would get so frustrated when someone would snap at him, or glare at him, or give me one of those "You are a BAD mother" looks - when they really didn't understand.

But then I realized how horrid it was to put what some stranger thought ahead of the needs and feelings of my own child.

Did I still need to teach him appropriate ways to act? Yes. But from a loving place - not from a place of trying to prove to judgmental people that I was a good mother.

And like some of you have said -- I tried explaining over and over to people - so they wouldn't judge him - or me.

Sometimes I still explain - like some have said - to educate. But I no longer feel the need to justify everything to every stranger.

Sometimes people will think whatever they think anyway.

I like the ideas from the book The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense:

1. Don't defend yourself/

2. Don't counter attack.

3. Stand in your own integrity.

Free

I can certainly appreciate this thread. Its hard to admit you have ptsd for most of us. After leaving the service, I have found myself in a leadership position most of my working years.

But at night while sleeping, it seemed the dead just wouldn't stay dead. After an accident forced me to cease working, It got much worse.

In all the years I had never discussed my dreams, but after becoming idle they start happening in the day time also.

A friend who I grew up with and was in the service the same years I was talked me into going to the vet center.

On my first visit I was diagnosed with ptsd. This was my first association with this word. I went home and punched ptsd up on my computer. I didn't read much until I knew it was a wrong diagnosis.

I continued to go to the center weekly for a couple of months. on what I decided would be my last visit, I sat down with my counselor and told him I wouldn't be coming back. I told him the things that had happened to me in the service had nothing to do with my problems.

He said I would like to tell you about an observation I made of you today. I said ok, tell me. He said while I was in the lobby to get my appointment ahead of you ,I notice you opened the door for a fellow vet.

He ask me why did I do that. I told him the man was in a wheel chair. Both legs were amputated above the knees, and I was just being courteous.

He said was it because of his disability, and I said yes.

His response has me weeping as I write this,. He said the only difference between him and you is you can see his disability, but you can't see yours.

I have always been the macho type, but I busted out in tears, and orally wept for at least half an hour. Our session lasted an hour and a half. Before I left He filled out a disability form for Ptsd.

I suppose He thought I wouldn't take it to a vet rep so he called a friend of his who worked for the American legion who worked near by.

They filled out my claim for me on the spot and filed it. In less than three months I was granted 50% on ptsd.

What he didn't know, but probably sense was I never plan to see another sun set.

God bless all those young faces returning from todays war.

[Guest morgan]

I appreciate this topic as well.

The invisibly wounded sometimes don't walk, but if they are in a wheelchair or on a scooter and overweight, most people think they are lazy and taking the government for a ride. In many cases, the systemic breakdown, such as lung injury, heart conditions, and even chronic pain, preclude a veteran's ability to exercise, even keeping them from walking a few steps without prosthetic aids and human assistance. It's hard to control weight gain without exercise. Some are not overweight at all, but to the inquiring minds, don't "appear" sick enough to be in a wheelchair. Still others, such as my husband, are mostly bedfast, so the awkward glares aren't often encountered. But when we have to go to VAMC for critical diagnostic imaging services, or when we hire someone to work at our home, someone invariably asks why he's in a wheelchair. I tell them he's a veteran with service-connected disabilities and does not like me to discuss his private health issues. Some don't even acknowledge he's present, but when they do, he tells them the same thing. This response politely magnifies their rudeness for asking, as it well should.

Those who have chronic pain suffer a different kind of invisible wound. How much can saying "I hurt!" really convey? Everyone hurts, but when the pain hardly ever lets up, or only slightly and briefly with heavy drugs and their side effects, most people don't understand that invisible wound. The childlike chart of grading pain from 1 to 10, 10 being the worst pain...blah, blah, blah...doesn't do it either. The word hypochondriac too often comes to mind for many observers, even close family. It's a hard life.

Perhaps this topic has given pause to think and never again judge another veteran's invisible wound. But then this is such a great group, most here already know about invisible service-connected wounds and wouldn't think of asking personal questions or of forming inappropriate opinions about another veteran.

Sure some veterans out there are cheats and scoundrels who work hard at trying to make an easy buck from the VA, but I'm in no position to decide which veteran that is. Frankly, it's none of my business, and I'm crazy enough to still believe cheaters will eventually be outed.

I salute all of you veterans who are invisibly wounded.

Edited August 27, 2007 by morgan

[cowgirl]

Morgan, in a very heartfelt way, I warmly salute you, the often unrecognized family member, first person interpeter, responder and caretaker of your loved one. Your words about chronic pain sufferers are true beyond measure and I wish you a joyful lift especially today for being able to share with us here. humbly, cg