shannan

Andy, its been 11 almost 12 years for me. Thats a really good way of putting it. I think for those of us with PTSD, the fear of the unknown and all of its variable factors are what gets to us the most. For instance,any regular Joe can walk into a restaurant and expect to have a good time and eat and leave...No big deal. But when we enter a restaurant (not speaking for all of us, just myself and many people i know), we expect the unexpected. We expect for someone to assault our wife and know that we will have to fight for them. We expect for the place to be held up in a strong armed robbery, etc, etc, etc...We even go so far as to pick a strategic seat closest to the exit with our backs to the wall and view of the entire dining room so we can monitor EVERYTHING that is going on, so when $@#! hits the fan, we can get ourselves and our loved ones out of danger as quickly as possible. But all in all, we did just get served dinner and the evening went by without incident. The only difference between us and everyone else is that we didnt enjoy our time because we were constantly on edge waiting for Armegeddon to happen because we just knew it would. I think the hardest part about PTSD is recognizing and ignoring the irrational fears it produces. Your appointment is going to go well. They will give you the tools to help make things better. You have made it this far without any help, now it will be even better with a helping caring hand. Hope this helps alittle

Yes Navy4life, it takes the edge off of it. :)

Well said Shannan;

For me my PTSD/MST I have constant bad memories going back to my assault. I have difficulty going places by myself and I fear I am going to be attacked again. The PTSD has taken over me as well as my boyfriend who suffers from PTSD from combat.

PTSD is evil and I hate it but I have to try and get better. Will I ever? Probably not...We will suffer with it for the rest of our lives. Getting help gives us some solitude but not much....

Shannon,

I don't know how long you've been knocking on that door, before finally getting someone to answer. Me....it started late summer of '98. And I know some on here have been screaming for anyone to notice, twice as many years as I have. I don't even know how to express the way I feel. I know that finally I am going to get help, yet somehow that seems even scarier than the alternative. It's giving me nightmares already, and it's only been a few days since I had my appointment scheduled. I have such a very hard time accepting anything good for me, or even believing that I deserve thanks for anything I've done. It blows my mind when ever anyone tells me they appreciate me, I don't know why they would.

Andy, ugh I hate that anxiety feeling youre talking about. Thats why i didnt get a chance to answer you. Panic attacks, anxiety and severe depression. The board was at a stand off for my upgrade. Half wanted to approve it and half didnt. I was not in a good mental place to reply. Try all your techniques: gardening, warm relaxing bath, meditate,etc. Its a rough ride, i know. But it will be worth it all in the end. It is our duty to stand for ourselves and others for what is right. And thank you for the congratulations, it was an odd feeling when i was told i got it. I thought i would be pure excited and happy. I was all that, but also shocked, sad that it took this long, I had flashbacks (hopefully processing this garbage for the last time). All in all, it was a wide range of emotions all at once and strangely bitter sweet. Perhaps today i will actually go get my veterans card and see what its like on the good side of the VA system. No more having to explain to the person at the desk why im trying to make an appointment and why im legally eligible. Now im simply eligible, no questions asked. :)

Shannon,

Praise God!!! I'm sooooo happy you got your upgrade!!!!

It's okay you didn't answer back, I never expect a reply anyways.(I feel like I'm not here, nobody sees or hears me, no good deed goes unpunished. Guess that's one of my MH issues)

No appointment yet, it's June 25th, the soonest available. The scheduler/office manager was so nice, almost cheerleader bubbly. I asked about what should I bring, my SMR copies and such, and the MyhealthyVet PTSD questionaire? She said just bring the PTSD questionaire results for the initial evaluation. When I mentioned that one, she said definitely bring it, especially since it said to get me to a MH specialist ASAP. Downside is my anxiety is screaming at me, feels like I'm falling and the ground is rushing to "catch" me...except it's dark and I can't see it coming!!!

Andy, sorry i havent answered back sooner. How did your appointment go? Were they able to shed some light on the brain fires?
I just got the character upgrade to honorable on Monday! Now just waiting for C&P exam appointment and then the rating. Character determination was the hardest part. I have my benefits now :)

Shannon,

Oh, I thought maybe I was the only one with the "hot head" sensation. My face does get hot, too, but the internal head fire doesn't come with every hot face. My ears get blood red all the time, strangely enough seems to happen in the late afternoon on my way home from work.(???) When I talking with the care line lady, I could feel the fire starting, didn't get too hot, but seemed to last an hour or so. I don't get migraines afterwards, but get an empty hollow feeling like a black hole in my brain.

My PCP office called, about 15 mins ago, said my doc put a consult referal in, right away. Said he knows me well enough that he doesn't need to see me first, and waste any time keeping me from proper help. I did tell the care line lady that I get these brain fires...so maybe when she told him he just put it right in.

Thank you for your support, I really appreaciate it.

Semper Fi,

Andy

Andy, I think I can relate to what you're talking about. Personally my face begins to feel extremely hot. My ears turn a completely dark beet red. My thoughts feel completely scrambled. And I get this annoying pulsating vibration (best i can describe) resounding in my head when i get overly stressed (maybe blood pressure rising?). Oh and the migraine once I get calmed down is AWESOME (not). Is that kind of similar what you are referring to? Anyways, don't be discouraged. You might get the run around. If you are feeling those symptoms, go to the ER right away. One reason being so they can help you. It sucks to feel this way, I know. And the other reason is ti start that paper trail of your symptoms which will help to get a quicker diagnosis and act as evidence you can use to support your claim. I hope this helps and I hope you feel better soon.

Hey, it's me, I'm still here....

Anyway, when I went to the VA @ Lebanon, I discovered that they don't have a walkin clinic there...they told me I could go to the E-room, if I wanted to...I wasn't prepared for that. Totally deflated my sails...took me till yesterday to get the courage back up to make my next move. I called "Peggy", she put me through to a very kind lady on the care line(?). I spoke with her for 10 minutes or more, was one of the hardest things I've ever done! Kept choking up, so hard to talk straight. She notified my PCP and told me they will call me withing 48 hours of that moment right then.

Have any of you experience this....when ever I start losing control, or do, my head feels like it's on fire on the inside. It feels like my brain is cooking, literally. And kinda feels buzzy, like a bunch of angry bees. None of the Vets I work with, who do have PTSD, have felt that.

Ok

Shannon and Navy4life,

I will be taking copies of all treatment records from my SMR, and letters that both my wife and I wrote, and the PTSD questionaire(already printed out) that I did. I will report back here, as soon as I can, after that is over. Should I wait until they give me a diagnosis of something, or just file the claim anyway?

Andy

Andy ,my ten weeks of CPT were one on one. I didnt like the idea of group setting either, so i opted for the one on one

Ok, statement will be included. I will go to MH walkin on Friday. How long after that before I submit a FDC? I don't know that I could do a group setting, until after a few one on ones. I don't like the idea of being judged by a group of my peers.

Andy

Andy, Im glad to see you are taking positive steps to do this :). If I recall, after my initial intake, I went through ten weeks of Cognative Processing Therapy (CPT). They may have you do that or another program that they deem to be the latest and greatest. That also helps with the paper trail by way of markers/evidence that you may want to include in your claim. After that, as far as Im aware, you can file your FDC. Also in between those CPT appointments, I had appointments with a psychiatrist who tried to set up a good medication for me. I belief, if I recall, that it was this psychiatrist that gave me a global assessment of functioning (GAF) score. A GAF score is a very good indicator of how disabling your PTSD is for you and can go a long way for translating what percent the VBA might rate you. For instance, my GAF score at time of treatment was 45 which apparently translates to a 70% disability rating on a claim as far as I understand.

Great! Im glad you are going for the treatment you need and deserve Andyman. Yes, markers are a beautiful thing. My entire claim is based off of markers alone.

Navy4life,

Sounds like an order! Will do, this Friday, even, cuz it's my paid day off for the holiday. I will bring copies of my SMR with the IBS and SACO/alcohol treatment records. AS for the PTSD test, I did the one linked through the VA.gov site, the one with 18 questions, I can't recall exactly my results, but I do remember that it said "get thee to a MH dr ASAP!" Hooray for markers! Shoot, getting anxious already.

Thanks, Steph and Shannon! Ya'll the best!

Semper Fi.
Andyman

Yes Andyman, stress, IBS, alchohol, etc... those are all markers. Often times, there is not a clear report. But the VA now accepts markers.

Andyman;

I mentioned in a post in here a few days ago to go to the MH Walk-In Clinic. That is where you need to get the ball rolling for your PTSD claim. You need to get a PTSD intake eval to determine if you have PTSD. There is a test and it will show if you are positive or not. I tested PTSDT 4Q - anything above 3Q is a positive result for PTSD.

As far as the stressors you will need to go back into your memory and dig up the past as well as find any medical records to associate the PTSD to Active Duty. The IBS issue....I have IBS and I am currently S/C for it. You can file a completely separate claim for IBS. You will need medical records to prove the IBS but it seems you have them from your most recent post above.

Go to the Walk-In clinic for MH and get the ball rolling!

Take Care
Steph

Well, was speaking to my rep at DAV, and mentioned about the PTSD, he said I need to get my doctor to do an eval and send me to a mental health dr. Then they will do a full work up on me, and work towards an official MH diagnosis. Said since I don't have a clear nexus event, this is how to do it. I am unable to source any records of my nearly successful suicide attempt, while at work during my active duty time. They sent me to the base chaplain, and that was it, one initial visit, no follow up, no psych eval, no nothing. I do have several sick call visits, with IBS and drs noted I said I was under tremendous stress at that time. Perhaps my alcohol related incident and 3 weeks of outpatient treatment records could help with that? Anyways....still just a rat in a cage.

Seattleshay, good luck on your exam and i hope you win. As far as I understand, these new policies are really good for cases like ours. I hope you win and soon. I attempted a discharge upgrade many years ago. I did it by myself online without research. One of the things I thought would be a brilliant idea was writing a heart felt letter explaining my side of the story and the facts. In my denial letter, one thing they mentioned as part of their reason for the denial was that they dont grant upgrades solely for the purpose of me gaining better civilian employment. They got that tid bit from the middle of my letter where I said that, "At this time I would not prefer to return to the military given what had happened, but i still would like to serve my country by becoming a police officer." One tiny statement that really didnt have anything to do with anything and I was denied. I didnt even read the rest of the letter. I screamed, cried, tore it to shreds and lit it on fire. I know how you feel. This is a rough process. But never give up as you said. I may not win, but I will die knowing that I gave them hell on my behalf and the behalf of other veterans. Money talks. If they have to spend tons of money on paying out claims and man power to process them, they are going to change their tune real quick. They already are. They are putting better policies in places for MST prevention. And they are providing better information to soldiers on what to do if they experience a MST situation. Maybe one of these days, because we all had the courage to carry on with our claims, just maybe we will save an innocent battle buddy from experiencing what we have.

Shannan

This is the 4th time that I have filed for PTSD/MDD for MST. I have the C&P on the 27th of this month.
My last claim was in 2010. When I received the denial I threw away the letter and soc and basically said "F*** IT".
When the reg was changed in 2013, I had no idea, even though the RO's were supposed to contact veterans that had previouly been denied.
Basically for 4 years I lived in a self made cacoon, not socializing and letting myself "go". I had been called a "liar" by the VA so many times I was starting to wonder if I had hallucinated the entire thing.
I have all of the markers, reuest for transfer, SEER's going in the toilet, divorce, loss of custody, recruiter malpractice...everything but a written report of the incident.
Keep your fingers crossed.
Shannan, you and Andymann don't ever give up.

Shannon,

Ok. How do you recommend I do it?

Ok i seriously have no idea why that posted three times like that

Shannon,

I will tell you this, I have not told anyone, outloud, with my voice...I am too afraid and too ashamed to admit to anything of this nature. I have avoided filing for PTSD, non-combat/trauma related...All through boot camp the Drill Instructors told us that it's all mind over matter, they don't mind, I don't matter. I've been stuck under that banner ever since. Everywhere I look, I see Vets and Civilians that I perceive to be worse off than I am, and think, who am I to even open my mouth? I think "what right do I have, to talk about myself?" I did mention to a C&P examiner that I wanted to file for PTSD, and his response basically told me that I would be wasting everybody's time.

Shannan,

Thank you, I appreciate your words. I, too, am sorry for your loss, and Navy4life's loss as well. When I tried to explain to wife that I hurt too, she said I(me) can't possibly know how it feels, or how she feels, and then said it was my fault anyway. She said it's cuz I'm a guy, so I couldn't even begin to understand. And a bunch of other stuff not worth repeating.