My Brother Mike The Rest Of The Story

[Pete53]

Re: My Brother Mike passed on Christmas Day

The story behind the Story. Mike was my best friend since we were toddlers. We pretty much thought the same way, liked the same food, the same sports and took pretty much the same meds. He was 6'5 and I thought that he would live a long time more than me.

In September Mike called me and said he was in Hospital and he thought he was going to be diagnosed with cancer. After one week in Hospital an Army Hospital used by VA for emergencies. It turned out he had something called psoratic arthritis and was very anemic one of the symptoms. He also had high white count in blood and the VA gave him anti biotics that caused major problems.

Over the next four months he made quite a few visits to er mostly to get morphine for pain. By my count he went to hospital or er probably a dozen times. All the time they kept juggling medicine and their diagnosis. One day he would have kidney stones and shortly he would not have them.

Mike kept telling me that he could not tolerate the pain. Just beofre my birthday he called and told me that he had been in an ambulance for over 11 hours while VA and Army fought about who was going to take care of him. I begged him to go to any place but VA as he had regular insurance.

By Christmas Day Mike had given up on any kind of proper care or relief and shot himself in the head when his wife went to Kitchen to make breakfast. She found him and called me.

I have been devastated and so has his family. I swear if it is the last thing I ever do I will help his wife sue the VA.

My advice to anyone who uses the VA is to be careful.

[free_spirit_etc]

Pete,

Anger is part of the grief. A very normal stage to go through, no matter what the circumstances of the death. But it is a not an easy one - because the anger doesn't fit well with everything else you feel at that time.

I know you worked hard on his behalf - and wish he could have trusted that you would take care of what needed to be taken care of.

I imagine there were other considerations. Perhaps he shared them. Perhaps he didn't. Most likely one was that of being a burden.

That was one thing my husband dreaded - being a burden. Perhaps your brother dreaded that too.

Free

Friends are still calling and last week a couple of friends took me out to lunch. Mike's best friend from High School called yesterday and we plan to meet next week.

Every day new stuff comes up. Sometimes I feel like I am punch drunk and being hit over and over again.

I am back to making to do lists my mind has a hard time focusing.

Thanks to all who have been so kind. I feel so bad for my sister in law and my nephews.

I also am angry with my brother. I had worked almost every day on a claim for him with VA that would have seen him get at least 60% and probably TDIU when he was forced to retire.

[free_spirit_etc]

*For more detail on that private hospital, I had to go there to er one night when I got a gash at work (some years back, now). There were two of us there that night and I was there 7 hours. My area was dirty including spots of dried blood on the table support structure and the floor. There was torn wrappings from things laying on the floor too. The other person was a women in considerable discomfort, wailing and crying. People were hanging around the console center gabbing and no one even stuck a head in to reassure her, let alone do something for her. Finally I yelled at them and somebody stuck their head in and said they'd check on her chart. She was still there being ignored when I was finally discharged after getting my stitches. The mess was still there too. The sewer was efficient if grumpy and surly.

I have heard the place has been improved- I sure hope so!

Jayg,

That sounds horrid! My husband went to the emergency room three times in the last couple months he was alive. The first two times there was a long wait. The first time he was treated and released. The second time he was admitted for awhile. But both times we had to wait several hours.

The third time was his last trip. We didn't have to wait at all. The minute we arrived there were several people working on him and trying to get him stabilized. And I saw the look of fear on their faces. That was how I knew he was in really bad shape - by seeing the panic on the faces of people that deal with trauma every day. They tried to tell me not to worry. But I saw the look on their faces.

I thought later about all those people out in the waiting room who were waiting - Wishing we could be one of the people who were waiting, instead of one of the people the nurses were panicked about.

My husband was admitted to ICU that day. He died two days later.

Edited January 11, 2010 by free_spirit_etc

[JonesZen]

Pete, I'm so sorry for what happened to your Brother. The tears poured for you & him through reading this whole thread. Too much pain for any one person, I wish you the best. Loss of words...