ptsd New to PTSD and What This Means For Me.....

[Crossfit702]

I'm new here, I apologize if I say or ask anything deemed offensive to anyone, and I'm here because I was told I could find answers and maybe a bit of much needed peace in the knowledge of those answers...

I got out in March of 2012, checked in to my nearest VA clinic here in Las Vegas, and was immediately diagnosed with PTSD. I didn't really know much about it nor care to know about it... Then last year I came to terms with it finally after seeing my first PTSD symptom list, ever.... Not an easy thing I must admit, looking at this list was like looking in a mirror, and what bothered me the most was that several of the symptoms on the list have been with me before my time in service... This was due to my PTSD being chronic, complex, or whatever the shrink lady said it was...

• she said this was due to childhood trauma as a refugee child, the confinement of almost two years in these refugee camps, and the effect of the violent environment my daily life was during those 2 years
• depression, generalized anxiety, and agoraphobia have been diagnosed as well by the VA, and from what I hear they are part of the PTSD package.
• Due to extended persuasion from family members I have retained an attorney (she took right away on contingency too), decided to get care, file claims for the other stuff with the attorney, and get over the shock of finding out that what I had thought was normal and pure personal preference is not considered normal behavior in humans...
• I'm a college student, I do very well in school as I have always (PTSD doesn't affect me here almost at all), I'm very open to talk about anything regardless of how difficult the subject may be, and will welcome and greatly appreciate any advice or comments made about my situation. As I have already stated, I'm very new to this, it literally all hit me at once a few months ago, and any new knowledge will more then likely very valuable and much appreciated...
• I do have as of this moment, few minor questions, and anyone that has the answer or thinks they do please contact me immediately

-Why do I have a mental exam this upcoming Monday for PTSD disability claim? The VA has already diagnosed me with PTSD. It was their very first medical diagnosis (next to in my medical record it says "confirmed").

-What will this exam be like, and why is it out in town?

-What is a C-File, and if anyone know where mine might be at. Please point me in the right direction, and I'll hop in my car to go get it???

-I filed some things on my own back January of 2014 and it was all denied, but was later approved for 40% due to some minor stuff. The tinnitus (ruptured my right eardrum twice in service, and now after the ping I get a bit light headed and dizzy) and the knees were both denied. The tinnitus isn't that big of a deal obviously because I can hear quite well, but the knees I care about a lot! My dad paid for a lot of my medical bill, I spent a great deal of my own money, and I still am. Therefore, how could they have xxxxxx this up so bad???

[flores97]

Crossfit702, just checking in to see if you had your PTSD c&p and how you feel that it went. Hope it went great!

[Crossfit702]

flores97, Hey thanks for checking up on me it really means a lot. I was so jacked and nervous about the exam that when I got home afterwards I slept from 12 noon to like 0400 today lol! It went well i guess. It was at a civilian place and the lady was really nice. I spoke about the refugee camps briefly because she asked but I made it clear that it wasn't until after the service that the bad stuff started to come out. I established several specific traumatic situations while in combat, and she also asked me a lot about the misdiagnosis of my knees because it did lead me down a pretty dark road. I started drinking and thinking of suicide because as far as the diagnosing VA doctor was concerned my life was pretty much over as far as being a highly active person and the VA was taking forever to treat me. She looked pretty stunned and seem to understand quite well how horribly this had affected me and how once I knew the truth I went hunting for the doctor. I told her it was like being diagnosed with a terminal illness, and then after a year of preparing for death you find out there is no terminal illness and you are okay. I also told her how after that things got much worse and how my blood pressure is always high on days that I have an appointment at the VA, and that I didn't necessarily felt my future being shorten but I did feel like it was going to be a lonely one because I felt I was not mentally fit to have a wife or kids because of the psychological toll someone like me could have on them. I also told her this was also the reason why I had recently broken-up with my girlfriend, and why even though she wants to be with me I wont allow it because its better for her to find someone else who is normal. All of which are 100% true along with the guilt I feel for not being able to do more to help the guys. 

[Crossfit702]

On 4/3/2016 at 0:14 PM, flores97 said:

Also, it is very commendable that you are still looking out for your buddies that you served with. You mentioned your friend Sean has severe PTSD, does he have any computer knowledge(being a former Seal, im sure he does), if he does go on the internet he can file va disability claims through ebenefits. VA can request his strs, but he does need to seek treatment, both for his claims and for his health. I am hopeful that he will reconsider filing a ptsd claim, if he was a combat vet its possible that he wont even have to go to a c&p exam. 

flores97, what you need to understand about my friend is that this is a very disturbed individual. If this guy was to run into some of the health providers I have ran into here in Las Vegas, and they did similar things to what they have done to me these doctors would not live to tell about it. He is a very nice person and if you were to meet him you would think he is a wonderful human being who loves life like no other and could not be possibly be suffering from any PTSD and I am pretty much the same. Until we get pissed-off which is only caused by us feeling someone is trying to xxxx us over. However, he is worse then me by like a thousand. I will at least speak-out, write reports, and do my very best to try and not loose it. If I do loose it, it has not gone above yelling and banging on some doctor's door for xxxxxxx-up. With my friend, none of that will happen. He will calmly jump over the desk and beat someone until an inch of their death and his pulse will only elevate itself briefly and will walk away quite calm. This is not an exaggeration. I've seen him in similar situations...

[Crossfit702]

Therefore, I'm working on getting him to file, but its a situation that has to be handled with kid gloves. Because the moment he shows up to a C&P and that examiner happens to be a VA doctor and does or say something stupid it is on. The chances of an examiner being this careless is quite likely because neither of us look like violent people at all especially him. He is always smiling and making jokes right up until that moment where someone presses his buttons. This person might as well bring their casket along for the exam.

[flores97]

Crossfit702, I am so glad the xam went well, it sounds like you did an outstanding job! I also apologize for pushing a little on your buddy, I do understand that it is extremely difficult and scary to have severe ptsd, both for the veteran and everyone else, the vet because he/she never knows how they will react in any given situation. My dad lived with me for six years, from 2008 till just last year. Not only does he have severe PTSD, he is bipolar and so paranoid (which is understandable), he often does not take his meds. I was assaulted in my own home about three times in past six years by my dad, he just cannot handle being around kids and my nine year old(younger at the time), would set him off, he would start for my son and i would intercept and twice got thrown across the room, once knocked upside my head and i was forced to mace my dad. At that point, i couldnt take it anymore, my dad is also 80%(prior sf and 82nd Airborne), and we were able to find other living arrangements for him. I literslly called VA begging them to send a mobile crisis team, and was given excuse after excuse. In addition, i have systemic lupus and fibro, my symptoms got more and more severe. Hes doing much better now, and i try to be as supportive of him as i can. I did feel extreme guilt when i had to ask him to leave, but it has helped everyone, especially him. My mom still resides with me. I know that you have guilt as well, but you really are doing the best you can to help your buddies and thats alot more than alot of others do. 

[Crossfit702]

flores 97, I have a close family friend who has lupos, and I feel for you terribly. As far as fibro goes I've heard it can be quite horrible, but I've also heard that with good quality care it can be dealt with quite well. If you don't mind me asking, what is your situation like? Oh and don't feel guilty over your dad because at least you didn't have to shoot him, and I mean that 100%. The worse thing other then a well-trained killer is one with PTSD because once they snap it's almost impossible to turn it off. When I went looking for the doctor who misdiagnosed me I was lucky the VA cops who restrained me also knew me but it took 5 of them to do it and I'm not much to look at. On a tall day I'm 5'7" and 150lbs soaking wet, but I still dropped the first three and busted one of their noses after being restrained. As a rescue swimmer they teach us a lot of complex hand-to-hand techniques and in the water so on dry land they are cake for us. Therefore, don't feel bad and pat yourself in the back for not having to put him down for good. It's a bit ironic to hear that kids are a trigger for him. My friend does quite well around children and so do I, and if they play video games even better lol. With us its literally the same thing that gets us going and that's people who because of their position take advantage of others usually because they don't know better. This is why I get into it with VA docs a lot because when it comes to the human body I know it pretty well and although I may not know the answer to something I'll know what isn't so more then once I've caught them on their bullshit and they freak-out on me and as you can expect freaking-out on a vet with PTSD as their doctor is not going to go well lol