goofycow

Oh Kirk: I wish I had thought about the motorcycle escort sooner!! That would have been so cool & so appropriate for my hubby!!! he bought a bike 3 years ago but hardly ever rode it, guess it was a trying to recapture a lost youth thing. However, I don't think his relatives would have approved.

Berta: You can not imagine all the guilt I am feeling right now. Because of my own major depressions issues, I feel I did not do enough for him. When talking to the doctors, they mentioned years of DMII & high blood pressure taking it's toll. The military was his life, it gave him structure, some one told him what to do at every step of the way. Once I retired fm the Navy, there was no one around to tell us what to do & where to live. That suited me just fine but he was at a loss. Once we moved to AR, he never reached out to others, never checked into organizations like the VFW & was very confrontational to everyone he met. When i get off the internet, I will call the medical examiners board if there is one around here. Maybe there was some kind of exam done. Someone called me at around 10:30 that night telling me Ron was eligible to donate his eyes. Will you believe me if I tell you that I was not in the mood to discuss the subject at that time? Thanks for the advice. I will get a claim in ASAP. Doubt if I can do anything on Labor Day. Biut somehow I think VA is going to try and blame his DMII to morbid obesity. Liz

Of course this is my own personal observation after what I have been thru the last few days. I know that I am not telling anyone here something they don't already know. But depression, if left untreated, can be fatal. And I don't just bya conscious attempt to commit suicide. besides, there are many ways to end your life without an OD or shooting. As you know, I lost my husband late last week. He died at the age of 63 from heart failure & lung problems. He was not a smoker & he only drank occasionally. He was morbidly obese and had had typeII diabetes for many years. However, he did not take his DMII seriously & continued to eat his chocolate, sugary treats. And oh yes, he had high blood pressure even before I met him but the military never treated him for it. All of this took a toll & he finally surcumed just a month and a half after his 63rd birthday. He was a very proud Viet Nam Vet. He spent many years of his Navy career on broad aircraft carriers & flew many back seat missions over Viet Nam in F-4s. Even the craziest Marine pilots could not make him air sick no matter how many Gs they tried to pull. But he developed back & hip problems and was placed on a temporary retirement disability list. I think that is what started his down hill slide. I have been going thru some of his old military records in an attempt to find things I can say about him at his memorial service. In reading over some of his medical records from that time period, I dscovered that he was being treated for major depression secondary to his back pain. But he also became very bitter and angry during this period. He eventually was put back on activee duty while he was living with me as my dependent. I was stationed at Barbers PT at the time. After much haggling, he was allowed on L-5 limited duty which meant that he could not be assigned sea duty or sent over seas. In stead the Navy, in it's infinite wisdom decided to ship him to VT-23 in Kingsville TX while leaving me in HI. Perhpas the Navy thought they would get rid of 2 senior career petty officers before they retired. (Glad to report we BOTH retired.) When he finally retired fm the Navy in 1984, he then followed me around until I retired in 1992. He did not adapt well to being a Navy dependent spouse. When I retired in 1992, also on a medical, we moved to Arkansas, mainly to be close to my elderly mother. Neither one of us ever fitted into the community we moved into. Ron refused to go to VA for treatment (for which I can't blame him) and he would not file I claim for VA compensation. He gained more & more weight over the years, developed DMII, & only took his blood pressure medicine on occassion. At first he took care of the lawn, but in the last year, he barely went outside. He wouldn't go on walks with me because it was boring, he would pick fights with the neighbors & certainly living with me all these years was no cake walk. You see, I was too busy fighting my own battles with depression to notice just how sick he was becoming over the years. When I tried to incourage him to loss weight & take better care of his health, he wouldn't listen so I just gave up. His private care doctor gave up him because he just wouldn't follow orders so we just grew fat together & now he's gone. So to finally get to the point, if you are married to a disabled vet, especially one suffering from major depression, please pay more attetion to them, tell them that they matter and that they are loved. Don't wait until it's too late, like I did. Depression really does kill. Liz

Hi Berta: Yes, I did apply for SSI after I got the award from VA. I had always heard rumors that it was very hard to get disability from the state of Arkansas, but it wasn't in my case. I didn't even have a physical. It just started 6 mo. after I filed the claim. Liz

Thank you all so very much for all your support. Yes, the people at mental health were very upset that I might want to spoil their 3 day weekend. They don't want to see me until the 12th. Guess what? That appointment is at 3:00PM on a Friday. I will deal with VA all in good time. I have more important things to take care of right now but believe me, the worm is about to turn. Sorry about my confusing, rambling post yesterday but my husband did not die at a VA hospital & he never went to VA for treatment , never filed a claim either. Heck, if he had been treated at VA, I probably would have lost him years earlier. But he did die at St. Edwards Mercy Center, the biggest private care hospital in Ft. Smith. The staff tried to be suppotive but they were not all all familiar with how to deal with military affairs. I was pressed to make a choice of funeral homes on the spot & he has probably already been cremated. They did not ask me if I wanted an autospy(sp?) & I was so dazed at the time, I did not think to ask for one. I hope I can ask for a copy of his medical file. As I did not expect him to die when he did, I did not have any numbers for any service organizations. I thought they were going to run some tests, maybe keep him over the weekend & he would be home Monday or Tuesday. I found some copies of some of his service records in the desk this morning. I did not realize that he had been treated for episodes of major depression secondary to his back condition while on active duty. I could tell he was depressed toward the end. After all, living with me was certainly no cake walk. For the record, I am currently rated at 70% for major depressive disorder, 30% for glaucoma & 100% P & T for TDIU. However, I think mental health at Fayetteville & Ft smith are doing their damndest to get my rating lower or tossed out all together. Oh yeah, since dealing with VA, I have become paranoid too. B) Thanks again for all your support. It means a great deal to me. Liz

If I am posting this on the wrong forum, I apologize in advance. my husband passed away very suddenly yesterday afternoon. I was all by my self and had nobody waiting with me as things went down hill. Right after I heard the news, I tried calling the VA out patient clinic in in Ft.Smith. My husband was inconsiderate enough to die after business hours. When I called no one would pick up the phone. Even when I dialed 9 for emergency, no one answered the phone either in Ft. Smith OR Fayetteville. So I called the bastards up this morning to give them a piece of my mind. Nothing was resolved, they did not care that I am all alone, with no family or friends in the local area. If I become suicidal again, just go to an emergency room or urgent care. Otherwise we will see you on the 12th at your scheduled appointment. Now, if I should feel a need to go to the emergency room, how am I going to get there???? Who will take me??? My husband is dead, he used to take me to all my appointments. But I coud not expect anything different from our fine VA health care system B) I will try to struggle thru the long holiday weekend. After all, I still have my Siamese cat to care for. Once I get thru next week & get affairs in order, I will proceed to attack VA again. About my husband......he had a verry colorful career, a proud Viet Nam vet with 23 years honorable service. I flew in the back seat of F-4s over Viet Nam. Even the crazed Marine pilots could not make him throw up no matter how many Gs they pulled, He was discharged from the Navy in 1984 on a medical diabiliuty. The Navy rated him as 20% disabled because of a back condition called angolsing sondilitis(SP?) A progressive back disease that would eventually affect his breathing. He was OK for a while after retirement because of temp civil service jobs. But once we moved to Arkansas, his health started going down hill gradually. Over the years, I tried talking him into filing a claim with VA. He would have none of that & he did not want VA to treat him. He has had high blood pressure since I've known him, but he also developed type II diabetes, & gained almost 75 LBs since getting out of the military 22 years ago. I am sure my own mental health issues probably affected his own will to live. He would not follow doctor's orders or the pleadings of his wife, family and friends to take his health seriously. I hope he is happy, where ever he is tonight. Aftter I get thru the following next weeks, is there any way I can file some kind of posthumus claim for him & get benefits as a surviving spouse?? Again, that is not my concern right now. I just needed some one to talk to tonight even if it is only to a computer screen. Thanks all for your patience. Sorry to have rambled on so. Liz, giving new meaning to the slogan HADIT!!!

Bertha: Thanks for the links. I'm sure I can build a case for service connection but finding a good service officer will be challenging to say the least. :o I live in Arkansas & so far i get the impression that female veterans are not thought of highly here....oh well. i get so annoyed when they harp on my weight and all VA does is schedule me with a diettician & give me handouts. My problem now is my weight is 245 and I am only 5'9". That makes me too fat to even be a plus size model :P

I recently heard a rumor that VA now recognizes eating disorders. Or was I just high on dark chocolate M & Ms? The reason I ask is I underwent 6 weeks of in-patient treatment for eating disorders when on active duty in the Navy, not to mention years of counseling for weight control. Being female, I was blessed with child bearing hips and other woman type body inperfections, played hell on me when the miliutary started getting serious about physical fitness & body mass index :o Anyway, every time I go to mental health lately they harp on my weight. I tell them I have an eating disorder & they look at me like I have grown a 3rd eyeball in my forehead. The only treatment option they offer is regular visits with a dietitian who also acts like eating disorders are in the same class as flying saucers. Any advice on what to do? I am also having a very hard time locating any records on my in-patient eating disorders. I have already contacted NARA & asked for in-patient records....they can't find them. Liz

John999 Thanks. I realize that bad often comes with good. I hope it doesn't surprise you too much that I don't think VA mental health people have my best interests at heart? Guess you could say that trying to deal with VA has made me.....INSANE

Does high blood pressure readings starting at the time I started having major depression problems count as evidence? (in service medical records) Also lab test results that came back with high choresteral readings? Just wondering what these VA critters consider evidence. Liz

Gentlemen: The only reason I asked my question about Paxil in the first place is because I was having a side effect that is listed on the brochure that came with the stuff. The brochure listed the side effect as serious. Silly me, I believed what I read. I tried to ask my "shrink" about .this, but couldn't get a straight answer fm her...or it could have been the language barrier. Sooooooooo, I thought I would come to this board & ask people who have been there, done that. Didn't mean to ruffle your feather Pete.

Bertha: Does the VA ever consider outside sources like what a veteran might find doing his/her own research? I recently went to google and came up with a whole bunch of articles on the link between heart disease & depression. Just wondering....... Liz

Dear Mr. Magoo: Thanks for your reply. So at least I am not the only one who has had this problem. I just thought I would bring this up to my shrink because the little print-out thingee the VA sends along with my meds says that this is a serious side effect. However, you seem to still be alive and kicking so maybe it is not so serious. There are times I wish the VA would give me Xanax. It helped me cope when I had to undergo a minor surgical procedure & an overnight hospital stay 6 years ago. At the time I was not under VAs tender care but used private sector care instead. That is probably why I got the Xanax. Instead of ignoring my extreme paranoia(sp) of doctors & hospitals, they gave me something to help deal. The only other antidepressant I have been on is Prozac & it stopped working for me. I also had a brief trial of Wellbutran but that didn't work for me at all. Liz

Hi wiings: No, I am not menopausal, at least I don't think so. I went thru that about 5 years ago. Then all goes well, hot flash/sweat wise until about 3 months ago when my Paxil dose was increased. I hope you have good luck with the natural herbs & Chinese medicine. You are wise not to try to educate your VA providers on the merits of alternative medicine. I don't think they have a clue on accepted mainstream medical practices either :) Of course that is just my perception. I wouldn't take that to the bank either Liz

Since having my daily dose of paxil increased to 60 mg, I have noticed bouts of feeling really hot & sweating a lot. Has anyone else on paxil noticed such a side effect? I told my non-English speaking shrink who upped the dosage in the first place about this but she just dismissed the whole thing as being "hot flashes". Liz

Jangrin: Yes, it is sad that health care takes such a bite from a persons assets. I am also eligible for TRI-CARE, but where I live very few doctors/hospitals honor that insurance. Then there's VA. I have had trouble getting care for my major depression & other ailments since I moved back to Arkansas. However, I do get great care at the VA eye clinic in Fayetteville. You asked me in another post if VA had ever checked me for diabetes. If i am to believe the lab tebs, all my blood sugar, glucose are well within normal limits. Although it is a wonder I don't have type II diabetes. I am grossly obese! However, like most, I don't get that great of care at VA mental health. In fact dealing with those people has made me even more depressed!! I am certainly more paranoid than ever. Liz

Hi Jangiun: That is exactly what I am looking for. I used your link & found the ratings. But my eyes glazed over at all those 50 cent medical terms :( This problem was discovered when I underwent a physical exam as part of a C & P for PTSD at the end of 2002. All VA has done for me is prescribe zocor & small doses of blood pressure medication on & off, mainly off. No further tests were ever given. Liz

Hi: How does the VA rate heart disease for disability purposes? I have high blood pressure, top number constantly in the 150-160 range while on BP medication, bottom number normal. Calcified plaque also showed up in a major artery in abdomen while they were doing x-rays of lower back. Is there anywhere I can go to find out how VA rates these conditions? I am also rated 70% for major depressive disorder. Thanks Liz

The Navy almost deployed me to the first Gulf War. My ship wasn't the least bit concerned about my being on paxil. Liz

help!!!! iF THIS IS A DUPICATE POST, PLEASE FORGIVE. my computer is possessed and so am I!!!!! SISTERS!!!! I really, really need your help!!!! My last shrink appointment was 2/15/06. At that meeting I was told in no uncertain terms that I DID NOT meet the criteria for MST counseling because what I went thru, every recruit had to go thru. My problem with not wanting to go to medical doctors is explained by my having borderline traits. Isn't that sweet??? I have talked to the patient rep, I have talked to the so-called womens vet rep. She runs the womens clinic & she refuses to get involved exept to suggest my case be transfered to another clinic. She does not tell mental health how to run their department. Meanwhile I still have this problem with docs....What the Hell do I do???? By the way, is it normal to be diagnosed with borderline traits when you are in your mid to late 50s????

Is it normal for people to be diagnosed with "borderline traits" while in their mid 50s? I thought this was a young person's problem??? What what I can determine from my research, this is an awlful long time to live with BPD. I guess getting that top secret clearance right out of boot camp holds no water. Besides, why does VA hold that disorder with such comtempt? Oh well, what do I know??? Liz

I am currently rated at 70% for major depression & 30% for glaucoma, 100% P & T TDIU. I was hospitalized while on active duty and later medically retired after 20 yrs for depression. Never did borderline personality come up while I was in the military. This term has never come up until the last year here at Fayetteville AR. I am trying to get some type of treatment for my feart of doctors....hate to be touched/examined, do not feel they have my best interests in mind. I have made all my shrink appointments but can't stand to be physically examined unless heavily medicated. The shrinks refuse to adknowledge that I really do have a problem, PTSD or no PTSD. I feel personally & sexually violated everytime I go in for a doctor's exam. Because of this, it is all but impossible for me to get the health care I need. I could go into all the disgusting details but I don't want to give out more information than most people can handle. Aren't there any vets out there with a heart big enough to feel compassion for a weenie? By the way, how can VA have a mindset when they are brainless? :( Liz

Hi: I have been fighting with VA for several years now trying to get to the point where I can go to a doctor like normal people. Because of what happened to me while on active duty, I find it all but impossible to get anything done at the doctor's office. Once there, I just want to bolt & run!!!!!!! However, the shrinks at Fayetteville just don't get it. They make light of my problem & expect me to keep my appointments. They classify my refusal to go as borderline traits. Meanwhile, I have a couple of health concerns that are going without treatment, like a potential kidney problem. the fact that they do nothing to treat my joint and back pain goes without saying. So I guess this is all my fault & that if I do develop a really disabling condition...or worse...croak...that VA has no responsibility for this dismal outcome?? Liz

Yes, vital signs, as in why do do the medical maniacs even bother???? I have been reading over my files fm the Fayetteville VA and noted all of the low temperatures in my records. Never once has my temp even reached 98* and one time it was 95.something. What gives? Liz

Hello: I posted this question on social chat yesterday & thought I would try here too. Has anyone here heard of the organization JCAHO (Joint Commission on Accreditation of Health Organizations)? I saw their brochures sitting on the counter the last time I went to my VAMC mental health appointment. I have been told by members of another vet board that filing a complaint with this agency could cause my VA trouble. (I wish!) I just wondered if there were anything to this organization or if it were just so much PR fluff. Liz