Pamela

I ended up in ICU for overdosing on my ex husband's muscle relaxers (about 20 pills) and almost crashing my car into someone else's vehicle and I got 10% Chronic Adjustment Disorder increased and changed to 50% Bipolar II. Working on increasing after my current claim results come back.

Thank you guys for the kind words and thoughts. I know all I can do is day by day but I wish I had my baby here in my arms instead of in my heart and in an urn. Mystic I will be praying for you. ((hugs))

I apologize in advance for being all over the place. The short version of my story is that I am SC (80%) Bipolar(50%) Hypertension(30%) Headaches(10%) Back(10%) Neck(10%) Bunionectomy left foot (10%) bunionectomy right foot (10%) Parotidectomy (10%) Scar(0%) I think this is all and if not I know I am 80%. I have a C&P appointment for an increase in several (migraines, back, neck) and some new ones (tinnitus -worked on flight line but never claimed it, IBS or GERD - due to the bipolar and depression) I am a 29 yr old vet have recently suffered a loss of my newborn, Elijah James Barker before birth at 39 weeks 3 days and have been an emotional wreck since then. His due date was Christmas day and he was born 3 days before. I have been advised not to drive because I envision running into trees. (I have ended up in ICU before for overdosing after divorce. I called the suicide hotline and have been going to classes but I don't know if anything can help how I feel. I work in a hospital and one of the girls that i worked with was due 3 weeks after me. I dont like being in hospitals or around pregnant people and though i know i have to move on with my life (everyone else has seemed to) I don't know how I can. I know I can't stay like this forever but I feel I'm being forced into doing things I'm not ready for. I'd rather take it at my own pace but don't think I'd be able to keep my job. And everyday life is hard as well. It's even hard for me to be around my 9 year old son with developmental delay and ADHD and give him the support that he needs at times. I don't go to places where i know an abundance of babies will be and if i go to a grocery store will avoid going down aisles if there is someone pregnant or with a baby. I have breakdowns a lot and other times i feel numb and i just want my baby. I hate going outside because I feel like no one understands (of course they dont because i look like everyone else in the world, normal. but i feel far from that) I need to work to support my family but I don't have the motivation or energy anymore. And I detest going back to work because my coworker's baby is fine (Im guessing because I haven't talked to or seen her, and she has been respectful and not posted anything online about it but i know she delivered her baby and got to take him home, instead of taking home a box of clothes and pics.) I also dont want to have to be in a hospital where I will be around babies and pregnant people. I don't even know why I'm writing anymore. Oh, because I cannot concentrate on anything and wonder how to go about this exam. Exclude this information from the doctor or tell him. Should i go back to work? Does this even warrant not going to work? i dont know. Everyone says time. it will take time. How much time? I dont think any amount of time will make this better. I dont know if it is because it's so fresh. I feel more comfortable at home in my own surroundings with my husband. I dont know anymore and this has turned out to be longer than I expected. Thank you for your help.

It will probably be helpful then that I have been keeping a mood chart of the past several months. It includes my mood whether depressed or elevated with a scale rating ranging from mild to severe, if I had any anxiety or irritability, how many hours of sleep I got, and what meds I was taking at the time. I did include in a journal/notes sections the days I had migraines. Hmm, never thought to show it to the VA, but was showing it to my private doctor. Thanks for the info. This site really is a Godsend. Thanks again...

They seem to come and go. The tend to come around more with stress and insomnia. Recently they have been popping up because I can't sleep and I'm stressing. Normally Midrin would help but that no longer works. And for sleep I was taking Ambien which stopped working so I was changed to Trazadone. I know that it was documented I was having migraines again but I'm not sure if they mentioned anything about the severity or frequency of my migraines/headaches. I've been going to my private doctor because I seem to get more results from them. But being that they are civilian there may be that barrier with the VA terminology and understanding what would need to be put into my record. It seems that when I go to the VA though and tell them what is wrong, they reword everything in the notes and turn it against my favor. DO you think I can get an increase if there is proper documentation?

The DC for my migraines is 8100.

So I should look for a lawyer and then go to a regional office or should I skip the regional office all together and let the lawyer tell me what I should do?

Pete53- I will focus on the Bipolar then. I wasn't diagnosed through the VA as of yet but I am going to take all of the records from my civilian psychiatrist and case managers. I work with the VA and since I'm 27 and still naive about some things (I thought you can only get SS when you're older) I was told by several people that since I work with the VA I should look to outside hospitals because my coworkers can access my records. So I haven't been going to the VA much lately. How much do you think that will weigh in on any decisions? Josephine - I have 10% for Chronic Adjustment Disorder with mixed emotions (depression, sleep disorder). So they don't have my Bipolar or Anxiety Disorder down. They denied the PTSD portion but I will just leave the PTSD out of it. So the TDIU is something I might look into later and I'll be back on here reading and posting to you guys. I will look it up now so I can figure out what it is. The govenrment and state with all their dang acronyms... Carlie- I will definitely look into getting the Bipolar into my record and connecting it with my service time. I have also been having a lot of body aches (my neck, back) not relieved by the 800mg Motrin. I had an appointment but missed it on one of the days I stayed in bed. So, I'm not sure if they can do anything for that or if I would even get an increase. My supervisor is the only one from work that knows the whole story and is working with me. I have done some researching of what I could do to protect myself and found out about the FMLA. So I had my civilian case manager (counselor) fill it out. I can take up to 12 weeks (all together or intermittent) but it's unpaid and I would have to have to put in for leave donation because I can't afford not to. (Cali is expensive, I should move back to TX) I can also get an advance in leave up to 240 hrs and all the annual/sick leave I have for the rest of the year. John999- Do you have any recommendations about what type of lawyer I should get and how I go about getting one that isn't too expensive? I don't know if I qualify for any free services or know what the fees would be. (I recently went through a period where I cleaned out my savings on unnecessary things.) In my counseling classes they kept telling me to get a lawyer (for my divorce, that I could get one for free or get free legal advice) but I think I make too much money for that. And thanks for the advice about keeping out things prior to or after service. SO as far as the records go from my civilian counselor and psychiatrist should I take all of them because they go into detail about my suicide attempt and divorce. Or just something that states I've been diagnosed with Bipolar and my Bipolar meds ( Or Happy Pills as I like to call them ;) ) And about the appointment with the VA psychiatrist what all should I grace her with knowing? I will take all of these tips and information into consideration and welcome any others that come in. Do you guys think it would be helpful to bring my PIF (file that includes all my reprimands during my service)? And even bring someone that could vouch for me? Or is that to the C&P exam if I do get another one? Hmm so much to go through just for some benefits. In the end I know it will be worth it (especially if it works in my favor) but I just don't want to do it over again. Once again thank you guys. I'm about to update my signature again to reflect that the military overlooked the Bipolar 2, diagnosed me with severe depression but was only given a rating for mild depression. All due to me being on an up period when I went into the C&P exam back in 2007. Of course I'm going to seem all together, I'm not depressed and feeling hopeless about my life. Unbeknownst to them, I'm spending my money and rushing into marriage and yea, they figured me all out at that one appointment (I'm saying this sarcastically :o ). Because they don't know.

There are so many other posts on here I haven't had a chance to get into all of them and personally I don't know if I have the energy. I've been going through a lot the past several months. And knowing what I have to look forward to stresses me out even more. Plus I have short/long term memory problems so I forget some things. Well, I filed my original claim 9/13/07 and really didn't look over it much. I just knew I was 50% connected for 8 of the 14 issues I reported. What I was looking into was either reopening the claims or increasing my claim. While in the service I was seen a number of times between Oct 2001 up until the time I discharged. I was young and afraid to tell the psychiatrists everything I was going through. For fear of being labeled or discharged and it being in my record forever, you name it. I had my lapses of ups and downs. I would only go when I was in dire stress and depressed. Of course no one goes when they feel they are doing OK. During the up times I was being risky, spending $ here and there before paying my bills, typical of people with Bipolar. But I never mentioned any of this to them and while in I did have suicidal thoughts but was always sure to say "no" when they asked the question. My son's father was even witness to one of my suicide attempts. So I was only diagnosed with chronic adjustment disorder with mixed emotional features (claimed as depression, sleep disorder, and PTSD) They denied the PTSD due to them believing the PTSD was secondary to traumatic experiences that occurred prior to military service, but I had a miscarriage in basic 6 days after the 9/11 incidence, experienced a house fire and car accident in the same day, found out I had a tumor in my parotid gland and needed to have surgery on both my feet. They prescribed me Elavil and Zoloft (which had no effect but being that I rarely wanted to go to them I told them they worked.) They actually made me more anxious and depressed, even after discharge my civilian psychiatrist gave me two other antidepressants which gave me the same effects. I told her a lot of what I had been through and she determined that it could be Bipolar 2 and prescribed me Lamictal and Ambien for my sleep. (The ambien stopped working recently and now I'm prescribed Trazadone for that.)The reason I am seeing the psychiatrist was because I tried to kill myself and ended up in the ICU. I was referred to a short term counseling program which is to last for two weeks I started the beginning of March and I'm still going to the class. When I went to the VA to discuss this with them my Primary Care Provider tried to turn it around and reword what I was saying and said I didn't try to commit suicide and I didn't have any PTSD. Though even in the police and ER reports they stated I admitted to suicide. I mean I had texted my mom the pin codes to my bank accounts and then turned off my phone and took about 30 of my husband's Flexirol(muscle relaxer) before he put me out (we're separated and I was going fto go back to my place) and I was found unconscious in my car. Was that not proof enough. I did put in a referral so I can talk with a VA psychiatrist about the new diagnosis of Bipolar 2 because I believe I had it while in service but it was misdiagnosed. I have also been having a lot of body pains and the motrin I;m prescribed is not taking care of it. I made an appontment but missed it. (I woke up called into work and stayed up the rest of the day at home doing nothing) I barely took care of my dog :o but he has an automatic feeder and a water bottle that holds two gallons of water. So at least he had food and water. (But now I'm kinda off track) Maybe I should tell this person and the C&P person everything so there is no confusion this time around. Where the problem for me comes in is since I din't divulge all of the issues while in the service will any of this correlate with my time in service? And how do I go about figuring all this stuff out? I did get a release of information from both Kaiser and the VA hospitals. and will take this to the VA Regional Office nearest me. The thing is with this depression I have been having a hard time doing things. I've used up almost all my leave unnecessarily just because I didnt want to go into work and sometimes would not even call to let them know. At one point I stayed in the bed for 6 days straight, called in 4 of the 6 days and I didn't do anything. I missed my counseling classes and was a wreck. I have a FMLA paperwork filled out so that I can protect myself though because Kaiser says I am prone to relapses 1-2 times a year, insomnia, crying spells, etc, etc. I would appreciate any help in this matter. Really, this means a great deal to me because even though I'm competent in a lot of things and probably could figure this out. I've been mentally, physically, and emotionally drained. I'm going through a divorce, my husband cheated throughout our whole marriage with a chaplain's assistant in the military and is still with her, not talking to my parents (they dont really understand or want to accept my diagnosis and from the PTSD from childhood caused by their actions), my son (yea, i know, why would i try to kill myself when i have a son; still haven't figured it out, i know it's selfish too but at the time you feel that is your only way out) I feel bad cuz I have at times said that I wish I didn't have my son (though he is the greatest thing that has happened to me) because it would be easier to kill myself. He is struggling with the divorce, isn't sleeping , is having nightmares, is getting suspended, and chewing sore into his cheeks. Plus so many other things, but I've posted enoughfor now. People always tell me I should write a book about my life. I say "no thank you" cuz it would be 2000 pages long...