Sorry Been Gone

[spike]

Sorry everyone. Yes, this is *NOT* my direct line but if anyone wants to get a hold of me until my world changes xxx xxx xxxx. I've been through some very HORRIBLE things as of lately.

NOTE: phone number deleted by me - please do not post personal identifiying information on the board, if you want you may pm or email members with your personal information. This is for your own protection.

[spike]

Thank you for all your prayers. Berta, shes about 10K in debt for Child Support. I was going to pay it, but instead I am just doing things for my step children as I can, Xmas gifts, birthday gifts, etc. I don't know if she has already lost her liscense or not. I've basically ignored that part of my life as much as possible. Thanks everyone.

[spike]

Can someone answer me this though. I can not understand her way of thinking. She has called CPS on me and had it dropped. Harrassment charges and they were dropped. Order of Protection and that was dropped. She has had a open divorce filed since October 15. She hasn't served me yet (doing it the NYS poormans way) and I don't get it. Why in he double hockey sticks don't you serve me? She is living with another man. She has, oh forgot to say lost all of her significant people in her family support. What is going on? I just don't get it.

[e.greeley]

Spike, you asked,

Can someone answer me this though. I can not understand her way of thinking. She has called CPS on me and had it dropped. Harrassment charges and they were dropped. Order of Protection and that was dropped. She has had a open divorce filed since October 15. She hasn't served me yet (doing it the NYS poormans way) and I don't get it. Why in he double hockey sticks don't you serve me? She is living with another man. She has, oh forgot to say lost all of her significant people in her family support. What is going on? I just don't get it.

I don't have the answer Spike, but I can share a little experience with you. B) My ex-husband abused crack and alcohol, but I believe he was trying to relieve a severe case of PTSD from his childhood. My feeling is your wife is very ill, and she is sooooo ill, she is using the only ammunition she has to keep your attention. If she knows you at all, she could be very well holding onto the divorce papers because she knows you are waiting on service (and sadly, in this way she is still on your mind). I have been thru the same war with different tactics. He told his family terrible lies about me, leaving me with no support, because I had no family in the area. My children were then subjected to his haranguing them on visits and telling them what an awful woman, wife and mother I was. Believe me when I say it took me a long time to "let go"!!

My depression, my upbringing and my personality did not want to give up on this man. I finally asked myself "What would it be like without worrying about his fidelity or sobriety?"

When the answer was a deep sob of relief, I knew I was done. Do what you can for the kids and find some support for you! It is painful to let go of that responsibility, but freedom is yours.

Please think about it.

Focus on your life, you and the kids certainly deserve your full attention on that.

[Pete53]

Spike:

E.Greeley's post was on the mark. Until your wife cleans up there is no chance of a reconciliation that would be workable. At this time she is lost and there is really little that you can do but move on.

You are also in this game. Perhaps you should consider going to Al Anon meetings that help families deal with addicts and alcoholics. They recommend that you go to 6 meetings before you make up your mind. In you case I am pretty sure it could be a big help to you and it would not hurt your kids either. They actually have group meetings for them.

You might be surprised to know that your wife's behavior has affected you also.

You and your family are in my prayers.

[spike]

So is the marriage and family lost? She even put dog crap on my car after i ignored everything about her for about a month. She in her lost and demented mind, believes that I have a girlfriend. (Which I do not I am the most Loyal Guy on the earth). I believe she did it for that reason. Let me take a poll should I believe its over and shes gone or what. On top of that. I am P&T....and I have all the STRESS of every organization pressuring me to come back prematurely to the organizations because I have "responsibilites and obligations" to the Veteran Groups because one particular group believes they need my help. The same organization has been blasted on Hadit for other things in recent months. This just tops the cake. I am suppose to put the Org before my family situation? Come on. The crap never ends.

[Mantooth]

Spike, I know you don't know me from Adam but I have to say something. I have seen this kind of thing before through jobs I have had and people I have known. Your wife is on a downward spiral and will take anyone with her that she can because misery loves company. In her mind there's no reason to raise yourself up if you can bring everyone else down, right?

There are two things you MUST understand: IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT THAT SHE IS THIS WAY AND IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO FIX HER.

There is a point in most people's lives when they are confronted with a situation that is potentially lethal. For many of the folks on HadIt, this is often a literal life-or-death situation in the heat of battle. For you, it is more spiritual and mental, although it sounds like it's effecting your physical health as well. I know you love her but love can't fix mental illness. Get a divorce and get away from her. She is poison to you and your family. Her craziness will have a profound effect on your child. Your daughter is learning how to behave as a woman by watching your wife. She is learning that it's okay to treat people you love badly and that no one can be trusted. Get her out of harm's way, in the end she will thank you for it.