ptsd Psychologist I Have - Read At Own Risk

[carlie]

During the last 6 to 8 months I have had a VA psychologist

that is a resident at the VA - she is not yet a PsyD.

Last week she asked me, if I felt that having a claim with VA to

SC my PTSD, was standing in the way of my treatment.

When she asked me this I just totally shut down, got up

and told her I need to write her a letter and I would see her

again next week, which was today.

This is the letter I gave her today - then did her little VA

questionaire, and left.

I would like to know if other's here have had an experience similar to this

and how it left them feeling.

Thanks,

carlie

During our session today you asked me if I felt my VA claim for Service connection of PTSD was standing in the way of treatment.

I really don't know how to answer or take this question coming from a person that is providing therapy to help me deal with issues of daily living and ways to deal with my mental health problems.

My first feeling was to ask myself, is she trying to bring my anger out because I sure don't want to have this happen here at the VA because I will be the one to end up with more trouble. My next feeling and thought concerned how very long it took me to admit to myself that I had been raped while on active duty.

I would never admit or accept this as I did not have broken bones, wasn't beat to hell, wasn't tied up or ended up in a hospital with blood dripping from anywhere.

It has taken years of therapy for me to admit and accept that just by someone holding me against my wilI and being able to physically force a part of their body into mine - is rape.

All my life I thought like many, many other people. I thought for someone to rape me they would have to kiIl me first. Therapy taught me that wasn't true.

Somehow our last session seems to have destroyed everything I thought I had learned from my PTSD therapy so far. I wiIl let you know this, should I win the lottery and be a millionaire, I will continue with my claim for PTSD to be service connected.

I feel, had this not happened to me while in the army neither I, nor my family would not have to suffer with all of the crap, the fear, nightmares, flashbacks, anger, hate for myself, all and more, from PTSD.

Before all of the PTSD problems began I was a viable citizen.

I was employed, made a decent living and was able to contribute to

society -that is dead and Iam nothing.

It took Dr.Maria Crane, Dr. Shriner and several others a very long time for me to accept this,the true definition of rape.

It took years for me to know why I was always so angry and short with others, why I didn't sleep well, why I always felt like I was fighting the world.

When the ENT at Baypines assaulted me, it took the people above to connect the dots for me as to why I have this PTSD.

I just could not understand inside of my head -just what active duty assaults had to do with the assault from the doctor.

They helped me understand it was a delayed onset of PTSD and that is how active duty assault relates to the doctor, me and PTSD.

VA Disability compensation is paid for injury or Illness caused during military service.

Whether a person needs money or not isn't a factor in granting or denying daims.

I will always stand on the side of fairness and justice.

Edited January 29, 2009 by carlie

[Commander Bob]

...Last week she asked me, if I felt that having a claim with VA to

SC my PTSD, was standing in the way of my treatment.

Hi "carlie",... Did you visit the VA psychologist again, yet? Did she respond to your letter? She better come up with a good medical reason for her statement to you last month. If not, IMHO, she is wasting your time. I would ask her boss for a new therapist. or fee basis. Best wishes.

[carlie]

Bob,

I saw her last Thurs and gave her the letter.

She wanted me to sit with her while she read it.

I said no and filled out a questionaire for her and left

agreeing to see her in one week.

She called my cell 30 minutes after I left and asked if

I thought we should continue. I said yes and I will see

you next Thurs.

I called her this am and told her I have a cold and am not

going to come and I will see her next Thurs.

She responded by asking me several times if I was suicidal,

I told her no, I have a cold.

We agreed to meet next Thurs.

carlie

[Commander Bob]

I called her this am and told her I have a cold and am not

going to come and I will see her next Thurs.

She responded by asking me several times if I was suicidal,

I told her no, I have a cold.

We agreed to meet next Thurs.

carlie

My most positive thoughts are with you, with or with out a cold. I hope you are feeling better soon. IMHO...She sounds more like a bureaucrat than a therapist. Do you like her as a therapist? Has she contaminated the relationship? Why didn't she apologize for her ignorant remarks, when she talked to you on the phone? She doesn't sound too swift, to me. If she acts like a duck then she could just be a quack. jmho...

Edited February 6, 2009 by Commander Bob 92-93

[cowgirl]

Carlie, I've been guarded by the 'trigger' notice on this post, but I opened it today. As in most of your posts, I admire you for being such a 'clear' thinker.

Its possible you have seen my type, the woman walking down the hallway at the va mumbling to herself, wishing she woulda or coulda said something to poor treatment. Carlie-girl, your 'resolve' just inspires me.

Had different counselors over the years, only one wimpy woman said 'honey, I feel your pain'. I ranked her down there with the military police woman that 'consoled' me at the time, but backstabbed on the assault report.

The best va counselor did ask me questions about why I wanted to claim for ptsd, that was for soldiers with combat time, etc. When I left that session, well, I felt let down. Thank God I had another session scheduled two weeks later, it took me near the entire hour to say how stressed I was after that. She discussed ideas, what would change about the event(s), was I strong enough mentally to expose details after all these years, etc. What would it get me? She gave me the term MST to describe my ptsd. She acknowledged our discussion in va clinic notes. That supported my claim. She guided me to see a psych phd. So after twenty some years my sc mdd includes ptsd with mst 'events', never cured, in constant treatment, counseling and meds. AND that only happened after I got to Hadit and put the battle gear back on...thanks to support here.

Your posts continue to strengthen me and untold others. When the VA decides in your favor, you have more than earned it.

I cannot share pain, only know of it.

sensitive and 'sensible' you are,

Cg

Edited February 5, 2009 by cowgirl

[MikeR]

Carlie, I wish I could be more of a help with this, but it is sending me into fits thinking about your "Therapist."

[broncovet]

Commander Bob and I agree that you should get another therapist. However, Cowgirl made a real good point that receiving medicine, including therapy, is not always pain free. Sometimes we have to endure the pain of talking about things we dont want to talk about in order to get better. It is almost never good to leave it inside of you and let it "eat" at you. Ignoring that it is raining will not make you dry.