clw4514

and to add insult to injury....my boyfriend and i were looking over my 214 together tonite and he notices that my reentry code, separation code and narrative are all jacked up. i have a reentry of 2h which is basically alchohol abuse program or failure to complete treatment; separation code of jft which is unfit for duty; and narrative of exceeding AF weight standards. i was never ordered to treatment nor voluntarily sought treatment bcuz i didnt have a problem! i was drunk when the incident occured. according to my records, i went from being a top amn even considered for below the zone promotion to being stripped of everything inside of a year. after the va makes a decision on my claim, i think i will take things to the bcmr to get it corrected. anyone have any dealing with that?

as if it isnt stressful enough having to relive every detail of the trauma, she tells me today that we didnt make it thru all the questions and need to come back for a 3rd part. thats ok, im a big girl.....i can deal with it. but nothing prepared me for the emotional strain it put on me detailing every second of the act 20 yrs ago. i was so overwhelmed when i left that i threw up. she asked me to bring in my discharge papers this time and so i did. i asked her after the appt how it was looking for me on my claim. she sd that even if the report of this is "missing" now, that everything documented in my other records clearly shows the pattern of a trauma taking place. i was an SP and in the course of a year, i was indef disqualified from carrying a weapon, gained about 30 lbs, ordered into an alcohol rehab program (i swear i do not remember that part but its clearly documented!!) which i did not successfully complete and was stripped of my badge and demoted to a dorm manager. all that and still got out with an honorable discharge. i went from having exemplary reviews to being the biggest pc of shit on paper u have ever seen. and as i am thinking over all this in the eval, she is telling me that the military is great for covering up stuff like this, especially when ur a cop reporting another cop. thank god i had a great E5 who demanded i report it to AFOSI. but, of course, it was concluded no rape since i was drinking. and it has been a downward spiral over the next 20 yrs. i am so disgustingly angry with the AF and that ass who raped me for taking away my career, life and dignity! i am so angry for everything that i have had to live with over all this time! i was made out to be the one at fault. i asked for it! i shouldnt have been drinking and since i reported it, i lost everything that was important to me. why couldnt i have been angry like this 20 yrs ago? maybe i would still have my career. i just want this to be over with and put behind me. but i also want the AF to pay for what has happened!

i dont see a psych. at least not yet. my primary care doc gives me the meds. i see a psychologist once a week and group once a week. so, i have had the good fortune to have 2 long term friends, who happen to be previous coworkers, agree to write buddy letters. one from a personal and one from a professional (he was a supervisor). and i reported my mst to AFOSI so that is documented during active duty. will all of this info and the social worker and psych agree w/ each other, does that pretty much guarantee me scd? oh, and should the professional and personal letters be written in pretty much the same format?

thanks!! i will ask my therapist this week when i go. havent even really considered iu & all that. guess it wouldnt hurt to try for it. im gonna get on those calls tomorrow. i appreciate the help!!

Just trying to get all my documentation together and decided to go ahead with an IMO for PTSD. Figured its better to be over documented than under so, can anyone refer a dr in the mphs area for an IMO? thanks!!

thanks, all! esp pete and wings. meant alot to me. sharon - ur post hit home for me! that gave me such insight into my situation. my brain had a moment of clarity and i was able to write down specifics. larry - ur always encouraging!

thanks, wings!!! i did that. so glad u told me about that feature. never had an issue on here b4.

was not aware of that feature.....thank u!

did u miss the part in those few sentences where i sd fully and thoroughly documented? look, i understand that u may be trying to help me, but u come across as abrasive and as if u do not read things completely before replying. i seem to have an online personality conflict with u so plz avoid my posts if at all possible.

i just realized as i was reading over all this that i have an acquaintance who was around in the early 90s when i was hospitalized twice over suicide attempts. he was a superior at work. and then there was something about financial references in sharon's post. hell, i just filed 13 last year and had to convert to a 7 this year. and there's a few other things i can dig out. so, its all coming together for me. slowly but surely i am compiling my documentation. if i knew all those years ago i would need this stuff, i would have kept better records. then again, if i knew what was going on with me, i wouldnt have ended up suicidal! how do they determine unemployability? does anyone know?

its not one of the old timers, wings....its a new person. came in with guns ablazin! just a personality clash, i suppose. i dont like having to repeat myself and this person apparently picks a few words out of the posts and then spouts off at the mouth. just irritating. but, i understand what ur saying and thank you.

First, let me say thank you to all of you. you have been a valuable asset to me over the short time i have been in this forum. But, as of recently, there are some folks who just simply get me stirred up. my first thought is to just say screw it and delete my account. no great loss to you all. maybe i will sleep on it and see what i think about it in the morning....either way, i wish you all well in your future endeavors and hope you get the help you want and/or need. Christy

i know, purple. u and i have already discussed this. i am still waiting on my smr's and since it was 19 yrs ago, mst/ptsd wasnt a hot button issue so that part is not documented.

yeah - i was an sp, raped by fellow sp, reported to my group and afosi. fully and thoroughly documented. even though nothing was done about it, it was documented

been out 19 yrs, no i have not had continuous care. hence the reason im so excited over one small accomplishment....and the disability is obviously PTSD since thats where i posted. thx for killing my excitement, dude

I'm still working on getting all my stuff together to file my claim. My therapist told me it would be great if i could get documentation of treatment rcvd outside of the VA. well, seeing how i have been pushing the issue aside for 20 years, i never kept records. just out of curiosity, i called the insurance company i had with fedex at one point. they had a record of a referral from 2000. wooohoooo! now if i could just remember who fedex used in the mid 90s....it just made my day to hear them say they had that pc of paper. after all these years, i may get some long over due relief. its almost as if my pain has been validated.

o man! ur right purple. i dont see anything other than the one at the bottom. that is the one i was replying to. i guess im having an off day :S now im lost too....

back in the 90s when i called the VA to apply for benefits, i was told no and simply took it lying down. last year, i needed it!!! i wouldnt take no for an answer. i went online and applied for benefits, followed up on it constantly. they lost my ppwk about 3-4 times, put in i was a male (ummm, not so much!), screwed up my ssn and name....but i was a persistent little heifer!! initially, i was declined. i appealed and was approved. the entire process was approx 4 months. no problems since then. but, be aware that once u start going to the va for help, ur gonna be there all the time. i joke about it being my 2nd job :) so, all that was to say be vigilant and persistent. get ur hubby the help he needs and deserves. stand ur ground. he fought for this country and now it sounds like its ur turn to lead him in this battle. do not take no for an answer. the only thing i could see them turning u down for is if u guys fall into priority group 8.

oh, yeah. i will certainly do that. this prof is a whack job. she is teaching music appreciation like it is music theory and we are all music majors. well, i can honestly say i appreciate the fact i only have 2 wks left of her crap. i'll be happy if i just get a C now.

thx to all who responded. i guess its working.....i used my "assertive communication" skills today that we learned in anger mgmt the other day. my music appreciation prof jacked me again on a grade when i followed her incomplete syllabus as much as possible. it clearly stated, do quizzes 1-8, 10-15. so, i start the quizzes which only go to 12, not 15. i do all the way to 12, omitting #9 since it is not listed. i get the folder back today and its a 92, not 100 that i was expecting. she tells me it was changed on the syllabus on tues (i was at the VA that day!!!). i reminded her that i informed her several times i would not be there tues and thought it was irresponsible to make changes like that without informing me. she sd i need to suck it up and be responsible. well, well, well.....good thing i was medicated. i thought to myself, "hey! this is a good opportunity to see if this assertive communication crap works! it doesnt work on mike at home but she may be different." i carefully think about what i am going to say. before i realize it, my mouth takes over. suddenly i hear myself saying, "i understand your point of view, however, when you make critical changes to your already insufficient and inadequate syllabus, it frustrates me bcuz my grades end up taking a hit." all she could say was "im not going to argue." and neither was i. she keep going on and on about something stupid and i walked out and didnt get into a shouting match or loose my temper with her. that in itself was amazing! as for the assertive communication, i am not so sure it works. i think it most likely just stuns the other person long enuf to divert attention and u win the argument by default :D

buspar? anyone taking or have taken this? just started it yesterday and not really sure how i feel about it. i know, i know...gotta give it a bit but i'm not patient. what kind of reaction did u guys have to it?

Thanks, Pete....I actually have my records from the VA thru march or april of this year. And, you are right, I don't like what I see. Its bothersome but true. there still isnt any tell tale sign of what direction things are going or what they are doing. its just the basic simple notations from my individual therapy. Most are marked MST a few are marked GAD. And its not just this process that is confusing for me. i seem to be just confused in general. tasks that seemed routine and simple now are confusing and frustrating for me. i just end up crying or yelling most of the time. i have resorted to making a daily list in a planner of what needs to be done. its hard to accept this when u have been so organized and "type A" your whole life. and i still don't see why an MST social worker is evaluating me for PTSD. is she doing my c&p? did she take it upon herself to file my claim? i havent done the claim yet cuz i am still waiting on my smr's.

sorry, Carlie, I didnt finish that reply....it is not a C&P eval. i havent got all my records yet to file an effective claim. i was told i should have the rest of my records by july 7.

nope, it is an MST social worker. she is the lady who does our group sessions. thats one of the reasons i am confused.

Well, just had apparently part 1 of this eval today. I had no idea it would a 2 parter. joy! I guess I am still confused on what the purpose of this really is. She asked me if I had my military records and DD 214 with me. I was never told to bring it so why would I just happen to have them?? She is being extremely detailed in this eval, too. I know it is important but I thought that is what happens in my C&P when I file my claim. I am really confused....it seems like the more I go to therapy (individual and group), the more disoriented and confused I get. Not to mention the anger. I briefed my 10 yr old daughter like I was a DI and she was in boot camp. It scared me and her! I just want my mind back!