Sorry Been Gone

[spike]

Sorry everyone. Yes, this is *NOT* my direct line but if anyone wants to get a hold of me until my world changes xxx xxx xxxx. I've been through some very HORRIBLE things as of lately.

NOTE: phone number deleted by me - please do not post personal identifiying information on the board, if you want you may pm or email members with your personal information. This is for your own protection.

[cowgirl]

Spike I agree with Manitou. Once at our 26 year mark in the ole marriage me and the other half began to have trouble. Although I loved her dearly and my family I told her that it had to stop because I was getting old and I just simply wanted to be happy. She thought about it for a while and we worked things out and just honored our 35th year of marriage. CONGRATULATIONS FROM CG!!However, I was fully ready to walk in order to find that happiness along with peace and quite. She knew that and I knew that - Although you love someone with all your heart you also gotta think about your life as a person. If you continue to follow the blind path of love you will sometimes find yourself in a living hell - it ain't worth it my friend. Sometimes things were just not meant to be. You will find what you are looking for but you gotta go look for it and sometimes it ain't in the direction you thought or wanted it to be in.

[cowgirl]

Spike, its hard to let go of another person that you have cared deeply for. Give yourself time and talk it out *or yell into a pillow if ya gotta,heard a teen tell me to do that the other day! A close freind of mine was able to clearly state "its all over" after complete realization another relationship had formed, husband and wife were done. Someone said there was a void to be filled, so I guess so. They completed a dissolution, worked much cleaner that way. This allows both to get on with 'seperating and rebuilding' thier lives. Not sure how this works with youngin's involved.

Sounds like you have a online support of HADIT and you could use a nearbye support system of freinds and family just now. I was thinking, while in the mlitary heard details of so many divorces it bothered me facing up with the exspouses on base. I felt for both halves and didnt want to create alliances against the other. I have older relatives that did call it quits some years back. Seperation isnt easy, but somehow they vowed not to trash talk about one another as parents in front of kids, somehow that has worked and even attend family holiday get togethers amicably now.

By the way, what are you planning for Thanksgiving? Wow, with all your blessed children, you have so much to be thankful for. Quick question, is it me or do all teens eat 24/7? yup, he's all boy here! smile.cg

I want you guys to know, thank you. I guess deep down inside I know I can not change her unless she is willing to admit she has a problem. One family member said she always comes back, she knows you will fix everything. I just read an article on http://members.aol.com/smartnews/howchildhoodsa.htm and I can see what is going on with her. I can only just be here when the dust settles. What I deal with is knowing that she is causing self inflicted pain on herself as well as the pain she inflicts on the state of her and my own children. I am beaten, and have to accept defeat. Do you know how hard that is when I lost 35 marines in 30 days, because i didnt do all possible. I am just concerned and sad because of this. I have to go. Pray for my wife, because she needs it more than anyone. The kids have me. That will never change. She was mad at me for buying my step daughter and step son a birthday card and a gift certificate from my daughter (their step sister) for their birthdays. What is up with that.Betty, If you get a chance ring me back today.

Edited November 10, 2007 by cowgirl

[spike]

I figured I would pop in and say hi. Things are evolving. I just received my Perm & Total Rating. I received my Life insurance benefit of 10K free waived under VA SDVI 20 Year. I am waiting on my SSD Claim. I am getting my strength back while I try to get back in shape and kind of "LOVE ME FOR ME" kind of process. I have lost 30 lbs. There was a saying and I can't quote it exactly but it is something like this "I do not pay attention to what men (women) say, but I watch what people do." -Dale Carnegie. I NO longer trust anyone but I put it this way, I don't want to hear from anyone what she says or what is rumored going on. I know she is 33 years old. She is a grown woman. She will either have to wake up and decide enough is enough in this crap or wake up and smell the coffee and "beg her way back" per se. I don't know if I can handle this situation if she doesn't believe she needs some SERIOUS help. I am doing things in my life to change my life and once I finish up with my SSD case I am moving where the dollar stretches better (everyone knows here being on a fixed income of P&T) and where I don't have to deal with all the triggers of this marriage aftermath. I don't know if I can handle the infidelity. The kids talk at school and want to still be "brothers and sisters". In fact my youngest step son passed his christmas list what he'd like me to get him for christmas and it's in highlighter and crayon was in my daughters book bag. Makes me feel a little better that I am still loved as a dad by the kids and not much problem with me. WHo knows. It is what it is.

[Speaking Out]

Spike, you have been through a great deal and you are in my prayers. Your wife is also in my prayers. I am a member of a group called INCASA (Indiana Coalition Against Sexual Assault). We have many members and some are incest survivors. I know from this group what a terrible thing it is to live with. I also know that if your wife doesn't deal with it, it will infect every aspect of her life with darkness. You can't do it for her, she has to do the work, but there is help and support out there for her to do this and for you. You have been loving and caring and supportive and I am SURE that if you could do the work and fix this for her you would. You are that type of person. BUT you need to take care of yourself and your family and know that you can support her while she does this, but you are not responsible for her doing it. That is a personal choice. A lot of us think it is easier to try and keep that closet door closed and that if we don't deal with it then it is not in our lives when in reality, IT runs our lives. The VA is a monster, this monster is a different kind of beast. New York has a chapter of my group and they have a hot-line you can call. They can give you names and numbers of counselors and programs that might help your wife and for you. Being the support person is a difficult job and kinda like children, it leaves a mark on you also. Give them a call and find some resources for you. I hope this helps and just know that your friends here are that, we are here, even if it is to just let you vent. Sometimes that helps, I know. Lisa

Here is the address of the New York State Coalition.

www.nyscasa.org

[spike]

I hate to say this, but at this point....I've given up and said she does what she does, let her bring her life down. I am cutting my losses with her. I don't believe anything she has to say, I don't believe or trust her anymore. I can't. I can't keep getting hurt. Right now I don't trust anyone, because of this. THE ONLY way I will ever consider her back in my life is if the 1st thing she says is I am SO VERY SORRY AND I LOVE YOU I WILL PROVE IT THE REST OF MY LIFE, and the 2nd thing is I NEED SOME INTENSE HELP WILL YOU HELP ME ADMIT MYSELF IN THE HOSPITAL. Less than that is not going to work. You have no idea how this woman has "killed" me inside on top of the other issues. I keep being a welcome mat to hurt me again and again.

[Pete53]

Spike:

You have to take care of yourself first before you can help anyone else. Also it is extremely difficult to try and help family for some strange reason.

Good Luck to you don't give up and miracles do happen.