C&p Exam This Morning

[dav_marine72]

Hi Everyone,

I wanted to thank everyone so much for the advice in my prior posting. Well I had the mental exam this morning.

To make things a little worse for my back I actually did yard work yesterday so needless to say I was hurting. I came in wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt with back brace and cane. The examiner was the same I had for initial mental secondary sc to back. I believe it was early 2005 when I saw him last. Since then everything hit the fan. I think the exam went very well. I was finally able to lay it all on the line. He kept making comments about how the VARO should be looking at my back again because I was rated so low (actually at the court of appeals now).

I turned it on. I cried, I showed anger. Told him about all the firings and quitting of jobs. I told him it was actually a plus because my responsibilities have been decreasing with every new job I get. He came back and said that you may think it's making your life easier but it's actually showing that you mental situation is deteriorating because you can't handle the responsibility. He said that it sounds like you should not be working and why couldn't I stay home with the kids and my wife work? I told him I don't have the capacity to watch a 2 and 3 year old.

He asked about suicidal tendencies and I said yes. He asked why I left my last job. I told him because of my outbursts I kept getting written up. He asked about sex life and I told him I couldn't because of the meds and that I had no drive. He asked if anything gave me pleasure and I said no. I told him in addition to Zoloft 100mg, 4 OXIs, 3 ativans, and 8 buspars daily I drank 4 to 5 beers a day. He looked at me like I was nuts. He asked if I was laying flat on the floor after all that. I said nope. He then commented that it was a good thing I wasn't crashing a car or passing out but that it was a bad thing that I could intake all those drugs and alcohol and still be coherent. He asked if I thought driving home and drinking was a problem and I said no it helps with the anxiety and panic attacks.

He asked if I thought I should see a new shrink over the VA one because he wasn't changing my meds and my symptoms are still intense and the meds are not controlling them. I said no because I have too many appointments and I didn't think anyone could help me. He asked about violent outbursts and I told him I have many holes in my walls at home. He said recently and I said yes. I told him my wife has told me she would leave with the kids if I couldn't learn to control my yelling, etc. He asked about friends or doing anything outside of work I said no. He asked what the date of my marriage anniversary was and I said I couldn't remember.

He asked about my panic attacks. He wanted to know if I was still having them. I said yes 4-5 times a day. Wanted to know when they starte (2001). He asked me to explain what they felt like. He asked about sleep. I told him I could only sleep 2-3 hours at a clip because of pain and or panic attacks. I gave him some documentation from pain clinic showing they gave me the 4 oxi because of the sleep problems. There may be a few more items we talked about but that’s all I remember for now. The kicker I guess which made me feel his report should be good (hopefully) was that he ended with advice. He said I am a C&P examiner and we are supposed to be independent and not give any medical advice. However, being a mental health practitioner he felt compelled to tell me that he recommends I get some help ASAP. He stated that mentally I have deteriorated significantly since the last time I saw him.

Now I wait and see what the report says…………………………

[cowgirl]

HooRah marine. You went there, got the business done. Hope the examiner will give a valid report. After downloading, do you have a regular provider that you can visit just now? Just a thought.

Now whats next? Like Southern Belle said. relax. Then when you are ready, get back on the pony and ride to the next desitination? Used to be after exams, I did the yuckiest thing I had to do 'to work it out!'. Stirrin compost aint fun, but is important come spring. Maybe I just liked the hot shower after. Ha.

Yes family is it. I feel for ya marine, my kids and husband are my everything. Had hardworking but happy grandparents and plan to have my grandkids see me in the same light.

Best to ya,

cg

[dav_marine72]

Thank you everyone. I feel much better tonight. I'm glad this site is here for all of us. I don't feel so alone anymore.

[LarryJ]

Betty - Yes please keep me in your prayers

Berta - I know the harm I cause and it tears me a part - I have decided to take this a different route - I am going to see a spiritual counselor / Native American healer. I need to find peace within myself to deal with my issues. I may not be able to fix my physical issues but if I can achieve inner peace I feel I can start to fix the emotional problems with my family. Drugs and normal therapy do nothing for me. I hope this route can help me. If I was to lose my family I don't know what I would do.

Semper Fi, Brother.

Yes, sometimes "alterNATIVE medicine" is the best way to go. Sometimes, not.

I have a "place" that I go. It has been in my family since my Father's Grandfather brought his family out of Mississippi and settled upon what the White Man gave him, in Eastern Oklahoma.

When I go, I go alone, there are places that have a certain feeling about them. I like to sit under the trees and watch the deer, saw a little black bear and the mother bear last fall, that is a good "sign" that the wildlife is coming back. My Father and several of his Brother's and Sister's and some of our family friends have bought up as much land and put together a "private" reserve.

Anyway, I digress.

It sounds to me that you did exactly what you should have done during your C&P.

My "suicidal ideations" made the difference between 30% and 70%. Before my C&P psych would let me go home, he spent an extra hour with me because he was concerned. I had driven to my C&P and he called my wife at her work and then he put me on the train, left my car in the VA parking lot and my wife met me at the station. I just got to talking about the answers to his questions and lost it.......

Peace.