C&p Exam This Morning

[dav_marine72]

Hi Everyone,

I wanted to thank everyone so much for the advice in my prior posting. Well I had the mental exam this morning.

To make things a little worse for my back I actually did yard work yesterday so needless to say I was hurting. I came in wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt with back brace and cane. The examiner was the same I had for initial mental secondary sc to back. I believe it was early 2005 when I saw him last. Since then everything hit the fan. I think the exam went very well. I was finally able to lay it all on the line. He kept making comments about how the VARO should be looking at my back again because I was rated so low (actually at the court of appeals now).

I turned it on. I cried, I showed anger. Told him about all the firings and quitting of jobs. I told him it was actually a plus because my responsibilities have been decreasing with every new job I get. He came back and said that you may think it's making your life easier but it's actually showing that you mental situation is deteriorating because you can't handle the responsibility. He said that it sounds like you should not be working and why couldn't I stay home with the kids and my wife work? I told him I don't have the capacity to watch a 2 and 3 year old.

He asked about suicidal tendencies and I said yes. He asked why I left my last job. I told him because of my outbursts I kept getting written up. He asked about sex life and I told him I couldn't because of the meds and that I had no drive. He asked if anything gave me pleasure and I said no. I told him in addition to Zoloft 100mg, 4 OXIs, 3 ativans, and 8 buspars daily I drank 4 to 5 beers a day. He looked at me like I was nuts. He asked if I was laying flat on the floor after all that. I said nope. He then commented that it was a good thing I wasn't crashing a car or passing out but that it was a bad thing that I could intake all those drugs and alcohol and still be coherent. He asked if I thought driving home and drinking was a problem and I said no it helps with the anxiety and panic attacks.

He asked if I thought I should see a new shrink over the VA one because he wasn't changing my meds and my symptoms are still intense and the meds are not controlling them. I said no because I have too many appointments and I didn't think anyone could help me. He asked about violent outbursts and I told him I have many holes in my walls at home. He said recently and I said yes. I told him my wife has told me she would leave with the kids if I couldn't learn to control my yelling, etc. He asked about friends or doing anything outside of work I said no. He asked what the date of my marriage anniversary was and I said I couldn't remember.

He asked about my panic attacks. He wanted to know if I was still having them. I said yes 4-5 times a day. Wanted to know when they starte (2001). He asked me to explain what they felt like. He asked about sleep. I told him I could only sleep 2-3 hours at a clip because of pain and or panic attacks. I gave him some documentation from pain clinic showing they gave me the 4 oxi because of the sleep problems. There may be a few more items we talked about but that’s all I remember for now. The kicker I guess which made me feel his report should be good (hopefully) was that he ended with advice. He said I am a C&P examiner and we are supposed to be independent and not give any medical advice. However, being a mental health practitioner he felt compelled to tell me that he recommends I get some help ASAP. He stated that mentally I have deteriorated significantly since the last time I saw him.

Now I wait and see what the report says…………………………

[Berta]

I am glad you feel this went ok-

As a widow of a PTSD combat Marine I had some real dejavu and flashbacks reading your post here-

main thing missing was my husband didnt drink-

that isnt your fault -giving me this dejavu feeling but I agree with the doc- and there is help out there for you and your wife-

and many here can testify that alcohol can only make things worse-

Ans sometimes the worse thing a vet can do is to alienate the spouse-the one sole person who will try to stick by you through think and thin-and remember that children look to us for directions in their lives.

Everyday I live is Mother's day for me-I have a great daughter.

I think I can take some credit for that-

Children often blame themselves for any problems at home that have not a single thing to do with them at all.

I am not judging you at all dear veteran- I fully regret that your service has caused your anxiety.

It isnt your fault at all.

[dav_marine72]

Betty - Yes please keep me in your prayers

Berta - I know the harm I cause and it tears me a part - I have decided to take this a different route - I am going to see a spiritual counselor / Native American healer. I need to find peace within myself to deal with my issues. I may not be able to fix my physical issues but if I can achieve inner peace I feel I can start to fix the emotional problems with my family. Drugs and normal therapy do nothing for me. I hope this route can help me. If I was to lose my family I don't know what I would do.

[Wings]

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Sounds like you represented yourself as you should have: you presented your disabilities with honesty and feeling. I hope he hammered out/wrote down all the facts you gave him. I hope this C&P moves the mountain for you. ~Wings

[octdevildog]

I have a C & P coming up for PTSD increase, because i was worried about how the military viewed us and the repercussions i never told them about my suicidal tendencies, after getting out and having a breakdown my wife called for help, they told her i needed to call i'm glad i did, but since i never told them they did not rate me as such. I did not want to seem vulenerable, but i'm glad too see many of us have these feelings, to keep up our walls and block others from coming in. Once again i'm glad i have a place to vent, talk, and learn.

[1994andcouting.....]

Wow I made a fool of myself at my C&P. I went in and talked about how 'ok' I feel and how I dont think of suicide (daily, wont do it but I think about it allll the time) and how I dont have very many flashbacks of my assault, service issues, etc. How I cry but not as much as I used to (which is a big lie, I cry daily) but just not several times daily. I wish I had read posts like this before I went in. Maybe then I would have known to just tell the darned truth and stop being embarrased about my mental health.

Good luck to you VET, open and honest is the best policy in anything but DEFINITELY when dealing with your claims.

[1994andcouting.....]

I am glad you feel this went ok-

As a widow of a PTSD combat Marine I had some real dejavu and flashbacks reading your post here-

main thing missing was my husband didnt drink-

that isnt your fault -giving me this dejavu feeling but I agree with the doc- and there is help out there for you and your wife-

and many here can testify that alcohol can only make things worse-

Ans sometimes the worse thing a vet can do is to alienate the spouse-the one sole person who will try to stick by you through think and thin-and remember that children look to us for directions in their lives.

Everyday I live is Mother's day for me-I have a great daughter.

I think I can take some credit for that-

Children often blame themselves for any problems at home that have not a single thing to do with them at all.

I am not judging you at all dear veteran- I fully regret that your service has caused your anxiety.

It isnt your fault at all.

This is so true. I try to keep it together for the sake of my children and I do try to stay away from them when I am having a 'moment'. I finally had to sit them down a couple of months ago and explain how mommy has days when she has to take a 'time out' for herself. I went into more detail however I left out my assault. My daughter who is 15 knows but my son is only 11 and wouldnt be able to process it. I told her because I never want her to end up in the situation I did to allow it to happen.

We have to stay on top of things in order to keep our families together. I commend all of you for doing whatever you have to do to get your mental health in order.