ptsd An Open Apology To All

[AnonyMousVet]

This is not the time of year where I behave my best. I'm sure that all who have PTSD have their time of the year and hopefully understand what I am saying.

I have been brutal in some of my postings. I personally would not want to be in the shoes of the VA folks who have to deal with the amount of claims coming in. I'm sure no consideration was given to their needs when our current leaders decide to send this generation of warriors across the globe. For the most part, 99% of them do their jobs to the best of their ability.

On the rare occasion like this one, when I have a "moment of clarity", when I see the rational understanding person I used to be, is when I wish I could just put a gun to to my head and end it, because I know the PTSD and MDD will soon be back to ravish my mind and body.

If it wasn't for a loving, understanding wife and a beautiful little boy to go home to every night, I do believe I would have shot myself years ago.

My apologies to all whom I have offended.

[gp747]

This is not the time of year where I behave my best. I'm sure that all who have PTSD have their time of the year and hopefully understand what I am saying.

I have been brutal in some of my postings. I personally would not want to be in the shoes of the VA folks who have to deal with the amount of claims coming in. I'm sure no consideration was given to their needs when our current leaders decide to send this generation of warriors across the globe. For the most part, 99% of them do their jobs to the best of their ability.

On the rare occasion like this one, when I have a "moment of clarity", when I see the rational understanding person I used to be, is when I wish I could just put a gun to to my head and end it, because I know the PTSD and MDD will soon be back to ravish my mind and body.

If it wasn't for a loving, understanding wife and a beautiful little boy to go home to every night, I do believe I would have shot myself years ago.

My apologies to all whom I have offended.

ANONYMOUS YOU ARE A GREAT GUY! AND THAT IS WHAT KEPT ME GOING ALL THESE YEARS

MY CHILDREN. YOUR LITTLE BOY IS GOING TO NEED YOU FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE. YOU

NEED TO BE THERE FOR HIM AND YOUR WIFE. I THINK YOU HAVE BEEN OUTSTANDING.

[Pete53]

You have been blessed with a lovely family and now an insight into how your PTSD affects your life. I really don't think that the VA needs an apology they should apologize to all Veterans. If it were not for Veterans they would not have their jobs.

[Guest Vietnam Tanker]

NO need to apologize, the people at this board mostly understand, you know been there done that, and we sometimes go off ourselves, I personally don't get on the computer for day's at a time when I am having a bad day or going through my anniversaries of the times in my life that I sincerely regret, so as not to offend anyone.

[MARINEVET]

I am with you brother, it is that time of year for me too. This is about the time I returned from Nam. To make matters worse, the leaves are dying and the weather is rainy and miserable. Then you get screwed around by the goverment you proudly served. I wish I had something to say that would make everything better but, I do not have the words. The one thing you do have for a foundation to lean on is your wife and family. Hang in there and do not apologize for venting your feelings. Those of us who hang out on this site understand what you are going through and we are here for you. It this place that we all have something in common.

This is not the time of year where I behave my best. I'm sure that all who have PTSD have their time of the year and hopefully understand what I am saying.

I have been brutal in some of my postings. I personally would not want to be in the shoes of the VA folks who have to deal with the amount of claims coming in. I'm sure no consideration was given to their needs when our current leaders decide to send this generation of warriors across the globe. For the most part, 99% of them do their jobs to the best of their ability.

On the rare occasion like this one, when I have a "moment of clarity", when I see the rational understanding person I used to be, is when I wish I could just put a gun to to my head and end it, because I know the PTSD and MDD will soon be back to ravish my mind and body.

If it wasn't for a loving, understanding wife and a beautiful little boy to go home to every night, I do believe I would have shot myself years ago.

My apologies to all whom I have offended.

[yoggie2]

This is not the time of year where I behave my best. I'm sure that all who have PTSD have their time of the year and hopefully understand what I am saying.

I have been brutal in some of my postings. I personally would not want to be in the shoes of the VA folks who have to deal with the amount of claims coming in. I'm sure no consideration was given to their needs when our current leaders decide to send this generation of warriors across the globe. For the most part, 99% of them do their jobs to the best of their ability.

On the rare occasion like this one, when I have a "moment of clarity", when I see the rational understanding person I used to be, is when I wish I could just put a gun to to my head and end it, because I know the PTSD and MDD will soon be back to ravish my mind and body.

If it wasn't for a loving, understanding wife and a beautiful little boy to go home to every night, I do believe I would have shot myself years ago.

My apologies to all whom I have offended.

None needed brother I walk in those shoes every day. When those glimpses of who I used to be wash over me sometime I want to eat the gun too because of not seeing that I can be that person I was meant to be because those waves also wash them glimpses away, because it has been taken from me and I think this is the worse part and its when think of those who count on us is the only thing that keep us hanging on when you feel you have let them down when you get that moment of weakness when you feel emotionally drained and empty. Your not a loan and they are many like us and most of all you don't want that son of your to find you like that. I have a good woman too and why she is still her after all I put her through she and my small children. They have help me here to keep it together at time to keep up the fight and there is times I can't read the board. I guess this is the price we pay for the sacrifice we made...I don't think I will ever fully understand it, there are days I get up so pissed off and could tell you why and could care less who I offend I was never like this before...Brother your not a loan.........yog

[octdevildog]

In the coming weeks what used to make me so happy eats at me, for some reason now it starts early in Oct., and continues through to Jan. My PTSD clouds my judgement, suicide is a constant thought that i know i can not let run me or i will die, my irritiablity is from 0 to violent, i have extreme road rage and do not ever care my weapon with me for fear of not thinking straight and some xxxxxxx doing something. As Christmas draws near i climb into myself i do not care to share with people, what should be a joyous holiday season is pain for me. I remember when it was simple, i was an innocent kid with my life in front of me, now i think of my friends who are not here, and the ones who have lost there family, and how its not fair that my friend left his wife and daughter behind, and i would kill myself right now so he could be here. He was much better man then me, xxxx this is hard....anyway bro i know what kind of shit your feeling. Do not take the xxxxx way out (excuse my language, but it how i stop it from happening to me). Think of that boy and woman, my wife and i can not have children so feel bleesed. I think of this board as my online shrink! Brothers and sisters a lot of us new war vets will need your support to make it through another tough time, as well as the old vets who can share stories, and ways to cope. Thanks to all of you, who are each others crutches allowing us to lean on, and make it 1 more day.........1 day at a time bro!