ptsd Psychologist I Have - Read At Own Risk

[carlie]

During the last 6 to 8 months I have had a VA psychologist

that is a resident at the VA - she is not yet a PsyD.

Last week she asked me, if I felt that having a claim with VA to

SC my PTSD, was standing in the way of my treatment.

When she asked me this I just totally shut down, got up

and told her I need to write her a letter and I would see her

again next week, which was today.

This is the letter I gave her today - then did her little VA

questionaire, and left.

I would like to know if other's here have had an experience similar to this

and how it left them feeling.

Thanks,

carlie

During our session today you asked me if I felt my VA claim for Service connection of PTSD was standing in the way of treatment.

I really don't know how to answer or take this question coming from a person that is providing therapy to help me deal with issues of daily living and ways to deal with my mental health problems.

My first feeling was to ask myself, is she trying to bring my anger out because I sure don't want to have this happen here at the VA because I will be the one to end up with more trouble. My next feeling and thought concerned how very long it took me to admit to myself that I had been raped while on active duty.

I would never admit or accept this as I did not have broken bones, wasn't beat to hell, wasn't tied up or ended up in a hospital with blood dripping from anywhere.

It has taken years of therapy for me to admit and accept that just by someone holding me against my wilI and being able to physically force a part of their body into mine - is rape.

All my life I thought like many, many other people. I thought for someone to rape me they would have to kiIl me first. Therapy taught me that wasn't true.

Somehow our last session seems to have destroyed everything I thought I had learned from my PTSD therapy so far. I wiIl let you know this, should I win the lottery and be a millionaire, I will continue with my claim for PTSD to be service connected.

I feel, had this not happened to me while in the army neither I, nor my family would not have to suffer with all of the crap, the fear, nightmares, flashbacks, anger, hate for myself, all and more, from PTSD.

Before all of the PTSD problems began I was a viable citizen.

I was employed, made a decent living and was able to contribute to

society -that is dead and Iam nothing.

It took Dr.Maria Crane, Dr. Shriner and several others a very long time for me to accept this,the true definition of rape.

It took years for me to know why I was always so angry and short with others, why I didn't sleep well, why I always felt like I was fighting the world.

When the ENT at Baypines assaulted me, it took the people above to connect the dots for me as to why I have this PTSD.

I just could not understand inside of my head -just what active duty assaults had to do with the assault from the doctor.

They helped me understand it was a delayed onset of PTSD and that is how active duty assault relates to the doctor, me and PTSD.

VA Disability compensation is paid for injury or Illness caused during military service.

Whether a person needs money or not isn't a factor in granting or denying daims.

I will always stand on the side of fairness and justice.

Edited January 29, 2009 by carlie

[Hoppy]

Carlie,

When people ask me a question and I feel they are fishing for something. I ask them why are they asking the question. I try to find out how they plan to use my answer before I answer the question.

I would try working through this with her and maybe you can teach her something. When I was being intervied by an MA who was in a doctorate program he made a lot of bonehead mistakes. I complained and my therapy was taken over by his boss who was a licensed clinician. The boss had a very differnt take on things than the MA.

It could be the person you are dealing with is unexperienced.

[Rockhound]

I cannot begin to understand the anguish and pain that someone who has been raped goes through everyday of their life, I can only but impathies, if but for my own psychological problems as a result of my time in service and the treatment I have received from the Veterans Administration's claims process.

Treatment or lack of it, by the VA hospital system is a completely different but paralell problem. I can count the number of times I have received any form of therapy with one thumb on one hand, the rest of my time is being served by pharmacological ways.

My view on being seen by interns is very much one sided, I do not like it and I feel the interns needs are being better served than mine. I feel the interns are using us to justify their own research for their Phd theases and try to fit our problems to meet those needs with little regard for our treatment and or current psychological status.

I'm always concerned when my Psychiatrist/intern says something that triggers a response from me, since the type of response I tend to give can end me up as an inpatient. Their are at times, that is exactly what they are trying to do, so they would have more imput into their paper that is needed for their Phd.

I'm glad that you had the fore thought to write down your reply so you would have time to proof what you planned to say, for surely if you had responded at that moment, it would not have ended up in your progress notes positively in your favor.

Rockhound Rider :D

[broncovet]

Carlie

I thank you for your openness. I think you have definitely helped others with this. Altho I am highly unqualified to assist you with your MST, I will interject my 2cents worth in regard to your doc's "question".

We are taught from age 5 or so that there are "no bad questions". This is done to encourage us to ask questions we may be "afraid" to ask, like maybe "Where is the bathroom?" That being said, I contend there ARE BAD QUESTIONS, and I will provide at least one example.

One example of a Bad question would be to ask a man, "Why is your wife so ugly?" Its a bad question for at least two reasons. First, it is based on a assumption that is false,(if he thought his wife was ugly he would have not married her) and secondly, it isnt a question at all, it is an insult that is not so cleverly disguised as a question..probably to provoke a fight.

In my humble opinion, your docs "question" meets the "bad question" criteria. It would appear that her "question" was not asked in the realm of treating you, but she may well have revealed a "hidden agenda" of hers within that "question". I think there is a real possibility that the docs "hidden agenda" may involve making statements to get your claim denied. She may actually be getting paid bonuses by QTC or the VA for statements that cause your claims to be reduced/denied..beleive it or not, there are bad docs in the VA, and they have committed fraud:

http://www.va.gov/oig/publications/press-release.asp?id=30

is one example.

Bottom line..imho..dont walk, RUN to get another doc. This doc is not treating you, she is interrogating you. You need treatment, not interrogation for crimes that you did not commit!! Hang in there..we are pulling for you!

In the interest of helping other MST victims, I think you should consider reporting this docs "question" to your ombudsman/hospital administrator, etc. This question has nothing to do with your treatment and should have never been asked.

Edited January 30, 2009 by broncovet

[MikeR]

Carlie,

It sounds to me as if the VA Shrink may have asked either an innocent question or a calculating question. Since it is the VA I would think calculating, and just because we have PTSD, and Depression with Anxiety does not mean we are not capable of deep intelectual thought. There are times where for example my claim did get in the way of me fixing my foot with surgery. Is it 100% better since the surgery, no. In fact it more closely mirrors the guidlines on ankle injury for lack of motion. The only difference is that I don't have as much pain. This was after the best MD I could afford did the surgery, and he takes care of the feet of the Ohio State Buckeyes, Ballet, and pro-hockey and baseball teams. He even admitted that it will never be cured. Now, apply the same logic to PTSD, and other aquired mental illness and you find that treatment may help coping, but not cure. Having investigated rapes as a CID investigator for 3 years it was clear to me that the victims were genuinely changed people. I would have to keep it together myself as I went to talk to a young lady whom was raped by a DI and had attempted to take her on life and was a shell of her former self. It becomes a personal mission to get her and others like her justice. If the perp gets away and you are the one with all the pain there is no justice, and then you have to fight a lumbering government agency that actively seeks to deny your claim as a cost savings it is like being double penalized. If the Gov't shrink did not have an agenda she would not have asked you such a question. It's the same old thing of blaming victims instead of understanding the illness. Your reaction was civilized and calm. I am not so certain that I would have been so calm, and I am taking 2 different drugs myself. We have PTSD and I cannot speak for others with it, but my guess is that there is no cure, there is just coping. Anyone who would assert otherwise is someone that might be wise to be on guard with.

Sorry for the ramble

Mike

[Pete53]

Any question asked by a Shrink is calculated to provoke an emotion.

[john999]

The question Carlie's shrink asked her is an unfair question. How do you answer something like that? I get the idea the shrink is fishing for an answer to justify something else the VA wants to do like farming out psychiatric patients to the private sector. I do think the VA wants to get rid of us older psychiatric patients to make room for the Iraq and Afghanistan vets.