Kicked Back F/decision To Development Phase

[BigCountryVet]

Hey everyone. By now I've grown accustomed to the idea that the VAROs are full of unpleasant surprises and the claims process is as unpredictable as can possibly be. The initial development phase lasted a few short months and then went to the decision phase where it sat for a good 6 more months. I would check it daily anxiously waiting for a final shift to the notification stage. After enough reminders from fellow vets and one solid bit of information from a friend who actually adjudicates claims in the Waco VARO I cam to realize the IU claims from my phase of the wars were pushed back due to 75% of their claims processors being made to solely process Agent Orange claims. That was fine and dandy until today when I was doing my daily claim status check on ebenefits. It somehow changed back to Development Phase, square 1.

Now I'm a bit concerned. I went back to my local VA office here and they told me the rating board probably finally got it and "wanted more evidence" and then I went out to my car and called the va rep at -827-1000 who told me pretty much the same thing. The guy on the phone said they are apparently required by law to send me some letter notifying me of what exact paperwork or evidence they will need to support the claim so they can proceed with the decision/rating phase.

All this time nothing has happened so I've been thinking everything was kosher, then this stuff happens? Honestly it has me unsettled. Anybody else go through this before or currently going through this? Let me know

[Pete53]

Big:

Suicide is not the answer. No matter how bad things look or how discouraged you will win your claim. Hang in there you owe it to your wife and son and also your friends.

I see a lot of depression in your post. The VA will give you meds that can help you feel better.

I have suffered from panic disorder with major depression and agoraphobia so I do empathize with your situation. I applied June and 1991 and although I made some progress over time I did not win 100% from VA until Nov 1996. Fortunately you will and should see results probably this year or early next. You can hang in there cause you really have no choice.

I also make this recommendation it helped me mark time. I only worked on my claim and hour or two during the week and I took the weekends off. Although I called that blasted 800 number quite a few times I tried to limit my calls to once a month.

Good Luck I am praying for you also.

Pete

[eagle-eye]

It's a little rough to say the least to stretch that between myself my wife and a 7 month old rapidly growing baby boy especially considering my wife doesn't work. She's a full time college student.

Aww! a 7 month old..now that should keep you preoccupied to say the least. He's going to be walking before you know it. I have 2 kids. Both boys. a 7yr old & 10 yr old. My anti-depressants kinda dull my emotions but when I'm asked about my kids I can tear up and become a soggy mess in a blink of a eye. Those lil' guys have been my life-line. I have a great husband too. He's been very patient with me and forgives a lot. He says it's easy for him to do that because I'm a loving & caring mom to our kids. When I do break down or lose my patience I make a very conscious effort to escape (somewhere within the house). Many times I have stood in the shower with the radio on and crying my eyes out. Sometimes several times in one day. My kids think I'm just a real clean person. Our pets have really been good for me too. I understand money's tight and with a baby this may not be an option for you...but I have a little Mini-Daschund (weenie dog) who has natural radar for when I really need to curl up. She'll lay in the crook of my neck and her warm body just relaxes me.

You have so many mile stones to look forward to..your son walking, your son saying "Daddy"...(probably will be one of his 1st words because you are very important to him) your wife graduating. Anniversarys, birthdays, holidays...and don't feel guilty this coming Christmas if you can't afford gifts. Keep it simple. Write a letter to your wife about how you love her. Make a card with your son's hand print on it for her...us mom's LOVE that! Do a stocking for your son with just little things that he can unwrap (and stick in his mouth!)...

On my vehicle I have personalized plates. It says BREATHE..it's not just a reminder for the cars around me but it's a word that I repeat in my head 1,025 times a day on average...

Just a few things in my life that serve as my glue to keep the shattered pieces bonded.. This isn't that cheap Elmer's stuff either. I'm talking Super Glue that can can stick your fingers together if you're not careful.

[SP4RVN1971]

Spec-4 & Eagle Eye,

your replies are greatly appreciated. if you ask my wife she'll tell you "checking my hadit" is one of the few things I look forward to anymore. I really don't get out anymore. Haven't had any legitimate friends per se, just acquaintances thru the in-laws church. Yalls prayers are truly appreciated & I mean it. I am a firm believer in the power of prayer. I just have to deal with this while I have to deal with it, know what I mean? EagleEye, I got my SSI starting at the beginning of this year. That is minimal and of course I have the amount the VA gives me to subside for my family. It's a little rough to say the least to stretch that between myself my wife and a 7 month old rapidly growing baby boy especially considering my wife doesn't work. She's a full time college student. The VA Suicide Hotline is always something I would be willing to use. I never want it to get as bad as it got back in September of 2005 -- I emptied an entire bottle of preseciption meds trying to OD in my hooch over in Mosul, Iraq. I was an e5 team leader that kept getting mentally abused by my plt sgt and a number of other things that don't bear repeating. I even told my squad leader when I first started experiencing problems with my mental health that I wanted to go visit the local psych guy on camp & they refused to let me do it saying i could only do it if i could find time to do it during down time or when we were supposed to be sleeping (odd hours since we worked a prison 24/7). I actually had to SNEAK to the doctor out of fear I would be harassed by my Sr NCOs if they found out. Then when I finally did get put on sleep meds for my insomnia over there they would always tell me i was lying to them when i told them i was late to missions because of my meds. It was just one big mess that culminated in me doing something harmful to myself.

Anyhow, that's 6 years ago and now I think I'd go ahead with the hotline option if i felt i was at the end of my rope. I'm just afraid I'd lose control and lay into some poor operator on the other end. The main think that causes me major anxiety right now besides the obvious MH issues I have is the blind anticipation that the VARO will send that "big white envelope" with a letter saying your proposal for increase has been denied. The only problem there is that I am trying to figure out what would cause them to deny me. On the other hand I believe I have a sufficient case for IU -- documented therapy attempts (12 weeks prolonged exposure, started the other one they do), Major depressive, Severe Anxiety both reported to be chronic and a new diagnosis in the past year and a half of agorophobia.

Wow, Bigcountry. I know that i can't feel your pain, but look at the future! You have a son that need you and to learn from you! This wife of your is fighting too! Life is so great and you can do it. When you were in Iraq you put on your booths and did your Job and now it time for to put your shoes on and march to work! I remember this young boy in 1971 come back from vietnam very mess up with drugs, drinking, nowhere to turn to and going over the edge. But then i had this boy and four years later i had a little girl. The next thing, I was coaching soccer and teaching my chldren about God and watching them grow. Money was always hard to get. My point is I forget the Terrible thing of Vietnam and thing's loss. And now I'am 60 year and still fighting Vietnam with cancer from AO. I will fight on for my kid's to show them to be strong. So if you have bad day, week, or month, smile Because you will have alot great days (long may you run)