ptsd What is PTSD like

[USMC_VET]

People sometimes ask what is PTSD like? often they dont know i suffer from it, but this is always my answer

*also i know there are many many various forms of Trauma that can result in PTSD, whether a horrible car accident or Sexual trauma, since my personal experience was war, that is why i come from that angle*

 

War is like a large black hole in the ground.  As you get closer to it the darkness touches you, in war often you need to go straight into that hole.

A rare few, can enter into the darkness and come out relatively unscathed.

Many are able to go in and crawl back out, but live on that edge, staring into the darkness, and still feel it pulling at them

Too many are never able to crawl out, they stay in the darkness.

 

It is our job as fellow vets and fellow humans to reach our hands into that darkness and pull them out, never leave anyone behind, the public doesnt care, the VA doesnt care.  They feel they have done enough by throwing cash and pills into that hole.  They dont understand that there isnt enough money and medications in the world to build up a hill to crawl up and out of that dark hole.  We must do it ourselves for our brothers and sisters.

Just my thoughts

[WhyMista]

did i ever tell you about the time i was BA....

 

i agree.  I remember one sgt in particular on our second deployment.  he was feeling short between the legs because there were PFC's with a fatter ribbon stack them him from deployments while he had been training officers at OCS.  He would talk and talk and talk about how BA he was and how he would be "gettin some" over there on our next deployment.  first few months his vehicle got kindof hit by a IED, was a near miss, but shook them up.  he then ended up spending every night over there no matter where we were sleeping in kevlar and his interceptor vest, he wasnt a big talker for the whole deployment.  after we got back he went back to his usual ba talk like we didnt see how he was and how he acted.  i wouldnt disrespect a guy for being shook up after being nearly killed, although it really wasnt THAT close, but his macho attitude after is what turned any respect towards no respect.  I always found it was usuallly the guys pre deployment that werent big BA dudes that operated the best over there and the gym fiends often talk a big game but were less useful once out on patrol and getting shot at. 

Yep we had some of those types.  When my vic was hit we had a guy who from that point on never left the wire again which in a line co is impossible unless you bitch out.  Mind you myself, my gunner and a-driver(who took shrapnel in the face) all went back out within a week after a few days vomiting and shit.  But he is the type of guy who goes home telling war stories.  I knew a guy who claims all this ptsd stuff yet we were on the same deployment and he was never once close to an IED or a firefight and spent most of his time on a fob processing intel reports.

 

The majority of my boys and myself have always been pretty low key, many women and people I've had classes with never knew I was in the Corps let alone in Iraq.  Even my fiancee doesn't know very much.  Now if I am talking to one of my boys or a few other friends I have that were in the Army of course we shoot the shit about all the bs and shit that went on or if I run into someone at the VA I'll do the same.  It isn't the fact that someone is shaken up about shit that happened or that someone didn't do exactly what I did that bothers me its what you said the guys with all the cool stories who in reality shit themselves when things actually happened and are out trying to get people to "thank them for their service" when I've yet to meet anyone who actually went through much who enjoys that nor gives a shit what others who were not there think of their time deployed.

[WhyMista]

Whymista and USMC_VET,

For me it's the exact opposite, I'm too embarrassed or worse to talk freely of what I did...cuz I was in the rear with the gear, or as my Dad's generation know it, a REMF.  I feel that I don't even rate a seat at the table much less even in the same building.  Yah yah, I know, we all must do something and every job is important...but still....my experience was nothing like yours, Whymista, and that is one of the biggest reasons I keep my mouth shut. I truly feel that to Vets like you(Combat and such) mine was a comparable walk in the park.

Here's 2 prime examples...I missed being deployed for ops relating to the civil war in Rwanda in '94, but then did get deployed for ops relating to same in Liberia in '96.  Both were in support of refugees fleeing the countries, more specifically getting US Civs and VIPs and Fed Gov't civilian employees out. 

As far as PFCs with a tossed salad, I knew a slick sleeve that had 14 ribbons.  He was a S1 admin clerk, and worked 0800-1430. His section chief didn't like him very much, but tolerated him, he was 'the man' as far as knowing and doing his job. I don't know what went down that kept him a slick sleeve, but that Silver Star ribbon sure kept the chief off his back, though.  And as far as talking, no one knew why or how he earned that SS, apparently that part of his file was redacted. Private Poole was very nice, when ever I had to see him for some admin questions.

You know what you did and how it affected you.  Its only when people start embellishing things or trying to garner attention which distracts from those who should rate it that it becomes an issue with myself.

[USMC_VET]

I find criticism of folks who were deployed but have PTSD due to mortars hitting near them or because of some other incident deployment related or not, as being ridiculous.  every person is different and some folks react to different thing sin different ways.  I do know some dudes who went through heavier stuff than me, they arent "normal" but they also dont have as many issues as i do, they dont get panic attacks, etc.  i dont ever look down on someone regardless of where their issues stem from.  as Whymistah said, its the guys who talk themselves up that bug me.  And im sure WhyMista would agree, anyone who has seen real combat can 99% of the time immediately feel that BS detector go off.  its funny how those guys think they are fooling anyone saying how they were in Tora Bora 6 inches from Bin laden when they were with the Special Seals Ranger Delta Teams and think that will fly...

[WhyMista]

I agree.  Its so obvious.  What I'll never get is I frankly don't begin to care what someone did or did not do until they start to try and convince me that they were in the shit as a super secret recon marsoc seal who was fast roping into bagdhad etc.  You could have been a supply clerk for all I care just be who you are, nothing more nothing less.

 

I too know guys who have more severe and less severe PTSD that were in the same things I was it depends on the person.  Why people try to impress you with stories I'll never understand, its almost as incredibly stupid as the people who tell you either they almost joined the Marines or they could have made it but chose to serve in another.  As if I really care either way...

[USMC_VET]

I agree.  Its so obvious.  What I'll never get is I frankly don't begin to care what someone did or did not do until they start to try and convince me that they were in the shit as a super secret recon marsoc seal who was fast roping into bagdhad etc.  You could have been a supply clerk for all I care just be who you are, nothing more nothing less.

 

I too know guys who have more severe and less severe PTSD that were in the same things I was it depends on the person.  Why people try to impress you with stories I'll never understand, its almost as incredibly stupid as the people who tell you either they almost joined the Marines or they could have made it but chose to serve in another.  As if I really care either way...

If you read terminal lance, i loved one of his strips about pogs vs infantry and his comments on how in the end whatever you did do, own it, dont church it up, there is always someone out there that was more BA than you, saw more than you did.  you did what you did and thats it.

oh goodness i cant tell how many times i have heard "yeah i was about to join, but i had a tick bit so...."  In the end you "almost joining" doesnt make you a marine and me being a marine doesnt make me better than you, we are just two people with different life experiences.

[Andyman73]

As for signing up, I didn't see any other options. I grew up 18years as an Army Brat, and have direct lineage back to the Inisskillin Dragoons in the mid 1800s. My Dad, his Dad, his grandfather, and Great-Grandfather.  So I was kinda born into it. I was the only one at my school who had joined the Marines.  And they thought I was crazy for choosing the Marines over the other branches.  I said, I can't be like them and do the safe thing...even if my chosen MOS was a "safe" non-combat field.

When I meet those types who almost did but then didn't I just say "Oh", in a sorta flat monotone voice.  However I do think that having served in any branch is worth more than not, versus those that kick the tires and walk away.  My neighbor went to volunteer for Nam, and was medically denied for diabitis. He took his draft card with him so they could see he tried.  He is super proud of his 2 Marines, grandsons, 1 a Vet, and the other just getting started.  And he comes across the street to talk shop with me all the time.  But he never boasts or brags about those boys, just is proud as can be,  tho.

Andy