tdiu Violent to peaceful

[82airborne]

Hello everyone I'm back. How's it going. Good I hope far as my mind set it has changed. After years of counseling and anti psychotics I have realized violence isn't the answer to my problems. I can't lie these past years I have been pretty much in isolation I only leave home to go to the store or fishing. I still have violent thoughts but I don't feed into my thoughts. I'm still having nightmares man if y'all only knew how many CPAP machines I have destroyed in my sleep the number of times my girl have been hit by my in my sleep. I'm still one dizzy camper I guess from tinnitus. Hey after waking up do any of y'all have hallucinations I see a black spider  crawling around are a bunch of binary codes all over my room I can't lie all I love about life is fishing I have moved since last July away from friends and family I finally moved I wish I could have moved on the lake like a couple my old buddies on here but I live close to a bunch of lakes and I guess that's good enough. I still have major anxiety around to many people so pretty much all is the same only thing that has changed is my reaction time at first I use to attack first then think now I think before I attack which I don't attack no more I don't fight I don't even look people in the face and I try to tell everyone hello my violent days is over I won't squeeze my years of absence all in this one post but I have more to tell y'all I left I need some buddies who can relate with me ANG guess what I miss y'all kind words so here I am I do have some stressful stuff going on the va sent my tdiu or total disability to my old address so last month out of the blue they tell me that I'm getting paid for 90% and not at 100% total disability well of course I freaked out got dizzy and my thoughts was all over the place sooooo today is the first and guess what they cut my cash by 1200 dollars unexpectedly bills will go unpaid credit will start to deteriorate starting today I went to the office on the 17th of this month hoping that I could fill the right paperwork out that they sent to the wrong address hoping this stop them from cutting my cash noooooooope it didn't I am officially screwed as of today bouncing back from moving my family to the high desert away from the inner city drama into my new quiet place but yup normally I would have a violent reaction and have crazy violent thoughts and threats but nope I am calm I am mad but not violent I will try to solve this situation with niceness and calmness I have realized its no civilian FUALT that this has happened so this is where I'm at happy fourth y'all I'm back for now ???

[82airborne]

9 hours ago, Buck52 said:

I understand and I sympathize with you,

I can't say what to do to feel better, only what I been doing when I get to feel this way...1st I remove all the booze I can get my hands on...fill an Ice chest up with ice /sodas water/grab my fishing pool and go find me a shady fishing area  on a River  Creek or Lake Bank and just get comfortable  forget about things   listen to some music to relax my mind  and wait till I get that first bite..this excites me and it helps kinda like a therapy and I start to feel better....I tend to stay away from family and friends  I got to do this by myself but my therapist says I'm wrong  I said well you don't trully understand how I am feeling then.. or I just go take long walks in a nice safe park.  Anything that will take your mind off things or any negative thinking..if you have a hobby like playing guitar or any type musical instrument or taking pictures , working on cars/pick-ups,carpenter work, painting  any type of skill your good at   work on it   see if that will help.?

What works for some of us may not work for others  but try to just stop having this feeling and think about other things, my Therapist don't seem to be helping me  but I go to his sessions hoping someday it will help me.

Hang in there Buddy

 

I will send you prayers, there's a lot of us that have this feeling.

................Buck

Hang in there.

.................Buck

Thanx for your words of wisdom I have no desire to be around family and friends alcohol definitely sends me to a very dark place so I think I have drunk my last drank and wow how much I love fishing that's about the only thing that gets me out the house and thanx for the prayers I need them all I rely on making my psycho music in my makeshift studio what's getting me is this world is so twisted it's hard to determine what's real and what's fake but I really really thank you for stopping by and giving concern in a time I need it I been researching Prozac and one of the side affects is irritation and violence maybe it's the pills but really I think once my situation gets right I will calm down right before they deducted my pay my nightmares slowed down and my desire for violence was not my priority it's almost like they want me to cause harm to somebody OOOH well in isolation I will stay being locked in my room beats jail anyday and thanx again

[Buck52]

your welcome, I have this problem too and no one seems to understand  why I choose to Isolate myself, even my VA Therapist is trying to get me out and be more sociable, so I do what comforts me as long as no one is harmed or I harm myself...hobby in my opinion is best thing for some veterans not all but most  and it don't matter how perfect you are doing your hobbys  a slong a sit helps and keeps your mind busy and not think about the past.

As for a Nightmares  I think we probably will have them but with the meds there not suppose to be as bad.

it could be the prozac  or other meds ask your psychiatrist if he/she can change it up  that you still have those bad  ass NM's .

They change up my PTSD Meds  and added a few  like sleep meds,  meds for chronic anxiety  My VA psychiatrist Did.

I also take meds for prostate that keeps me awake  Although I have Sleep Apnea dx VA I still have sleep disorders From PTSD /NightMares  sweats ect,,ect,,    I use a C-PAP Machine  it helps to go to sleep  but I wake up during the night from NM's

You may ask to be treated for sleep disorders  and get a sleep study done? Since I got a C-Pap It does help with sleep on some nights  so I get what I can get.

A lot of our problems is the Meds we take until there adjusted to what our mind.body can take   if that makes a lick of sense? so you might double check with your Phyistrist and see if there's anything else or be sub for what meds your taking now.

[82airborne]

I have sleep apnea I sleep with the CPAP I was doing fine until I got stressed out it appears that stress and LIQOUR bring my anger to a totally new level it seems as all seems more and more hopeless the more violent intrusive thoughts come I can't lie I can spend the rest of my life in my room going fishing and gardening and have no contact with the world and I would be fine society is so sick and full of games that I can't play any longer we live in a time where a person can be trying to kill you and you can't protect yourself from danger with out worry of persecution for having the desire to stay alive people do sneaky stuff to you at work to get you fired playing games I'm scared to try a different anti psychotic because if they get me the wrong combination I can end up dead or in jail for flipping out but my nightmares didn't really start until I started taking depekote again after I left that psych ward on the Fourth of July so I'm thinking it could be stress or that depekote I been on Prozac for some years and beside being drowsy Prozac has calmed me down dramatically people dog would come up to sniff me and I would instantly kick or try to harm the dog but now I can let them come up to me and I pet them I have way more compassion and guilt for life since i been on Prozac so only time will tell I'm doing everything they want me to do thanx for taking time and sharing kindness I needed it and appreciate it SOOO till next time brothaaaaaaaa ???

[82airborne]

Well they reinstated my IU I do apologize for getting a little violent in my thoughts I was in panic mode and highly stressed which sent me to the darkside this has been the worst summer on the books for me all I could think of was losing everything and being homeless this forum gave me a place to vent out my frustration instead of acting in real life so I want to thank whomever made this place it has been a life saver literally so this chapter is closed what I have learned from this if you move don't just update ebenefits you need to call the 1000 number and make sure they have your new address because they will not try to find you to send important papers to you also the tdiu people do not communicate with your doctors to even check to see if you are fit to go back to work and when they say they going to cut you off believe me they are going to cut you off another thing I learned LIQOUR stress and anti psychotics do not mix it will send you to the land of tears or violence ooooh well thanx for having me

[Mont36]

Just one rule of thumb...You said that VA sent mail to old address...If you change your address at the VA Hospital, VA Benefits office does not update with that change of address...Dont know if you changed address but to anyone reading this make sure you contact both VA Hospital and the VA Regional office of your change of address. This sucks because you would think they both communicate with every update but no thats not the case. I work for the VA Regional office and I see so many claims with 4140 not returned due to claims not going to correct updated address....thus causing confusion...Good luck..

[82airborne]

On September 24, 2016 at 0:48 PM, Mont36 said:

Just one rule of thumb...You said that VA sent mail to old address...If you change your address at the VA Hospital, VA Benefits office does not update with that change of address...Dont know if you changed address but to anyone reading this make sure you contact both VA Hospital and the VA Regional office of your change of address. This sucks because you would think they both communicate with every update but no thats not the case. I work for the VA Regional office and I see so many claims with 4140 not returned due to claims not going to correct updated address....thus causing confusion...Good luck..

I changed it on ebenefits and va hospital I just don't think I called the 1000 number to confirm my address change I thought updating ebenefits would do the job but it didn't thanks for the info I'm just glad this madness is over I was stressed beyond any stressed point I have ever been