Amerisian daughter of Retired US Air Force

[MMW]

. MuThis site has been recommended to me by a US vet. He told me I can post a question here to find answers. 

This is my story.  

Me and my brother was born to a US citizen father and filipino mother. My father worked in the air force based in Clark, Philippines. My brother was born Jan 1985. My father retired Nov 1985 and left Philippines while mom was 7months pregnant with me. My mom had an approved fiance visa in 1987 with us attached as her dependents. We were ready to go but we waited for our father to send a ticket until the visa expired. We lost comtact and We found out later he remarried someone else in the US. Now i am 32 years old, I tried to go the US but my tourist visa got denied because I was told I was a US citizen and not allowed to travel to US using diff passport. I am claiming my citizenship because its always been a dream to meet my father to fill a hole i have longed for a long long time. His name is on our birth certificate and affidavit of paternity was even signed in the US. I have never met my dad only tried to contact him he rarely reply and he seemed not interested. Now, we submitted every papers we have to the embassy to apply for US passport only to find out we will be required to undergo DNA test. We messaged our Dad to ask if he was willing and he told us to go ahead and tell the Embassy that he would provide dna. We were given 90 days by the embassy to provide DNA test but the due date is tomorrow and he still did not call the DNA facility that i set up. Mom, brother and i already submitted our dna test long long ago. I have asked the Embassy extension and its granted for another 2 months. My Dad does say things that he will provide/give etc but he keeps on having 2nd thought. If ever he will do dna test it will be the first promise he fulfilled by far. I came here for an advise out of desperation because i could not understand why That I paid so much money and put a lot of work through it all he only needs a swab and he cant even at least try to do. I need u to enlighten me why. P.S. he is very much aware that he has children over here. We only found him sometime in 2002. He acknowledged us but he seemed to not keep his promise. What should be the best thing to do. My parents were never married. He divorced his wife after mom and he got a new partner now and they are unmarried. We have never asked anything including money. What should i do? My tourist visa failed because i was told to claim for citizenship instead. I am running out of option to fulfill my dream see my dad. Pls enlighten me. I feel I am a mistake. Wev asked him to come see us in the PH but he has so many reasons he obviously doesnt want to. 

Edited March 26, 2019 by MMW

[broncovet]

This isnt exactly a Veteran's question, but I will give it a shot.  

You posted, 

Quote

 If ever he will do dna test it will be the first promise he fulfilled by far. 

A lawyer once told me that the courts "can not resolve EVERY injustice".  

I see it that you need to choose from these alternatives, and I wont even think of suggesting which:

1.  Continue to persue this, trying "something different" than obtaining his DNA, if he refuses.  I dont see that you can make him give his DNA.  Can you visit his country, if your goal is to meet him?    If he cant come here, then you can go there, if its that important to you.  

2.  Re Evaluate "why" you want to make this happen, and, just maybe, see what it is in your life that compels you to persue this..after all, you apparently had little or no contact with him in the past, so what difference would it make to you in the future?   Remember the Serenety prayer:   

Quote

God grant me the serenity to accept things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.  

3.  Make a conscious choice to accept and abide by his decision, and also choose your response(s)  to be the one(s) "most helpful" to your familiy.    You can get Bitter, or you can get Better.   Decide which of the "serenity prayer" applies to this.  I dont know if you can change it or not.  

Edited March 26, 2019 by broncovet

[MMW]

2 hours ago, broncovet said:

This isnt exactly a Veteran's question, but I will give it a shot.  

You posted, 

A lawyer once told me that the courts "can not resolve EVERY injustice".  

I see it that you need to choose from these alternatives, and I wont even think of suggesting which:

1.  Continue to persue this, trying "something different" than obtaining his DNA, if he refuses.  I dont see that you can make him give his DNA.  Can you visit his country, if your goal is to meet him?    If he cant come here, then you can go there, if its that important to you.  

2.  Re Evaluate "why" you want to make this happen, and, just maybe, see what it is in your life that compels you to persue this..after all, you apparently had little or no contact with him in the past, so what difference would it make to you in the future?   Remember the Serenety prayer:   

3.  Make a conscious choice to accept and abide by his decision, and also choose your response(s)  to be the one(s) "most helpful" to your familiy.    You can get Bitter, or you can get Better.   Decide which of the "serenity prayer" applies to this.  I dont know if you can change it or not.  

You make me seems that i am the bad one. I have tried too many times but i failed. He comes here? Too many reasons he said he doesnt want to he is afraid, unsafe and all. I am trying to find a way to see him before anything happens to him because i am just a daughter who longed for a love of a father. Whats the difference would it make for me in the future? It will make a huge impact towards my life. That Everytime I get abused as a child growing up he was all I think about that i wish he was there life would have been different. 

Edited March 26, 2019 by MMW

[Buck52]

I would love to find my father too if I was in your shoes   it kinda gives you a sense of well being and who you are.

I am not sure if this guy would be interested or not ? 

''Troy Dunn'' is a family sibling Locator. although he use to have a TV show  but I think he does it privately too.

he seems to be a nice and pleasant man.

 hers is a link   you may want to contact him

http://www.wetv.com/shows/the-locator/cast/troy-dunn

Good  Luck!

 

[broncovet]

MMW..

  You posted, 

Quote

You make me seems that i am the bad one.

No.  Im not blaming you.  Nowhere did I suggest this was "your fault".    You misinterpreted what I posted.  I suggested there are some things that we can not change, and one of them is we can not change someone elses mind.  I made suggestions to fix the problem, not fix the blame.  I can not "fix" your father.  You probably can not fix him either.  You dont have control over him, you do have control over how you respond to the situation.  

[Vync]

Convincing your father to take the test would be the easiest option, but I apologize for his hesitancy.

The information below might be a long shot, but I believe it might be an alternative option to obtaining his DNA results for your citizenship request.

There are a couple of other possibilities, but they may incur small costs. There are websites which help track family history. These are ancestry.com and 23andme.com. There are others, but these are the two main ones advertised in the US. In some of the advertisements on TV and radio, the original intent was so people can learn about their family history and see how much % of their heritage comes from specific geological regions. 

They also have testimonials about how someone took a DNA test and found out they had a half brother, sister, parent, or some other relative they didn't know they had. In some cases, there have been legal developments related to the sites. The other day on the news, they found a guy because DNA was left at the crime scene. The police accessed the sites' DNA repository and found the bad guy's sister joined one of the sites and took a DNA test. After more digging, they caught him. 

To make this work, your father would have to had taken a DNA test with one of the sites. You also would have to take a DNA test and probably join the site. Ancestry.com maintains family trees. Before trying doing the DNA test route there, you might be able to just look him up and see if he is listed there.

If the police have used these sites to catch criminals, you might have to ask them about obtaining a legal affidavit indicating that your DNA test results match his. Check with the sites and the US Embassy to see if it is acceptable before considering this option. I don't want you wasting your money if the US Embassy will not accept it.

Another thing. If you happen to go this route and succeed, it would be helpful to inform your father of it. If you show up at his house and his current partner answers the door, things might not go well. He might not have told her about about it and it could make things worse.

I really wish you the best of luck and hope things work out.