ptsd I Am Back

[calnight]

OK.

THINGS HAVE BEEN GOING ALRIGHT IT HAS BEEN ALMOST A YEAR AND A HALF SINCE GETTING THE IU. THANKS TO EVERYONE HEAR AT HADIT. THE VA HAS LEFT ME ALONE JUST THE ONCE A YEAR LETTER ASKING ME IF I HAD BEEN WORKING. BEEN SEEING MY VA SHINK ABOUT EVERY 3 MONTHS LIKE TO SEE HIM MORE BUT ITS A 160 MILE ROUND TRIP FOR ME. I MADE SURE TO TELL HIM ABOUT THE MCDONALDS INCIDENT I HAD. I LIVE IN VERY SMALL TOWN POP 5000 SO I GO TO THE LOCAL AND ONLY MCDONALDS IN TOWN TO GET THE KIDS THERE FOOD WELL GET HOME OF COURSE THEY FORGOT THE NUGGETS. SO THE PTSD WAS ALREADY INFLAMED THAT DAY SOMEDAYS ARE WORSE THAN OTHERS. LEFT THE KIDS AT HOME DROVE BACK TO THE MCDEES WENT INSIDE AND WENT POSTAL. NOW REMIND YOU ITS LUNCH HOUR ITS PACKED. IT WAS NOT A PRETTY SIGHT. AND OF COURSE THERE WAS SOMEONE TELLING ME TO SHUT UP ANOTHER CUSTOMER. WELL IT WAS ON WE STEPED OUTSIDE AND LETS SAY WHEN IT WAS DONE HE WAS NOT STANDING. THE MANAGER REFUSED TO COME OUTSIDE DONT BLAME HIM. WELL I LEFT BEFORE THE COPS CAME. AND NOW I CANT GO TO THAT MCDONALDS ANY MORE. AND WHEN IT WAS ALL OVER AND I CALMED DOWN I FELT LIKE SHIT ALL OVER NUGGETS. MY WIFE WAS PISSED. ITS HARD TO EXPLAIN BUT ITS LIKE A SWITCH ONCE ITS TURNED ON IT CANNOT BE TURNED OFF. BUT EVERY TIME I HAVE OUTBURST LIKE THIS MOST ARE NOT THIS SEVER AFTER I CALM DOWN I FEEL HORRIBLE. I LOOK BACK AND THINK HOW STUPID THAT WAS AND WHAT A IDIOT I LOOKED LIKE. PTSD SUCKS. NOW I HAVE REALLY GOOD VA SHRINK ANYONE WHO IS ARE IS GOING THE VA MENTAL HEALTH IN RENO LET ME KNOW THIS GUY AS BEEN ON MY SIDE ALL THE WAY. DR. VANBIBER IS HIS NAME. I TELL HIM THIS STORY AT HE STARTS LAUGHING AND TELLS ME NOT TO GO TO ANY MORE MCDONALDS. AND THEN TELLS ME TO STOP WORKING OUT. EVER SINCE I STOPED WORKING I HAVE BEEN WORKING OUT 5 DAYS AWEEK. BENCHING OVER 300LBS. I AM IN BETTER SHAPE NOW THEN WHEN IN THE CORP. ITS MY DRUG OF CHOICE FOR MY PTSD. IT GETS ALOT OF THE ANGER OUT. BUT HAS FAR AS THE MCDONALDS INCIDENT IT MAKES GREAT MEDICAL EVIDENCE JUST IN CASE THEY WANT TO REVIEW ME. THANKS EVERYONE.

[Pete53]

Wings:

As you know summer I am not at my best but I have learned that there is more than one way to skin a cat. Two years ago when I had 600 and 700 electric bills we put more insulation in attic, we added a power ventilator late last year and we have 2 window units that are high efficiency for our bedroom and computer room.

Our big a/c is used very sparingly and actually turned off most of time. Right now with temps near 100 it actually runs about 1 to 3 hours total a day. Its turned off at night also.

Looking back I think that the high cost of electricity was part of my stress. When the State of Texas regulated the electric companies my electricity cost 4 cents a kilowatt. Now that we have been deregulated it costs me 14.65 cents and when my contract is up the going rate will be 18 cents or more.

The funny thing for me is that with panic disorder I have always had to adapt. I shop in grocery store at 3 AM to avoid crowds and usually don't go to public places unless I take my dog or I am with family.

Next week my sisters are coming from Mexico and El Paso and we are planning a trip to Ft Worth to look at an Art Exhibition on the Impressionists. The plan is to go very early in morning and if I feel bad I will just go out to car and wait. It does not get to hot before 11 or 12 even using daylight savings time.

Its only 92 right now and not to bad. I don't consider it hot in Dallas till it hits 95.

The good part is everyone in my family are doing good. My Uncle who is 88 has cancer and refuses more chemo and I have a younger cousin with cancer responding well to his treatment. I am the oldest of 56 Grandkids and we are all still here so far. We have 5 aunts and uncles in their late 80's hanging in there living pretty good lives till late 70's and 80's.

My cousin is making a painting for us of my first granddaughter. Our new puppy is now almost 4 months old and I plan to make her a bona fide service dog that can go with me anywhere.

I am even considering a really radical idea in October of going to my High School Reunion which would be the first one in 46 years for me.I have had Panic Disorder now for 39 years but its been depression that kicks my ass in summer. I still have not figured that out.

Best to you and yours,

Pete

[Wings]

Wings:

As you know summer I am not at my best but I have learned that there is more than one way to skin a cat. Two years ago when I had 600 and 700 electric bills we put more insulation in attic, we added a power ventilator late last year and we have 2 window units that are high efficiency for our bedroom and computer room.

Our big a/c is used very sparingly and actually turned off most of time. Right now with temps near 100 it actually runs about 1 to 3 hours total a day. Its turned off at night also.

Looking back I think that the high cost of electricity was part of my stress. When the State of Texas regulated the electric companies my electricity cost 4 cents a kilowatt. Now that we have been deregulated it costs me 14.65 cents and when my contract is up the going rate will be 18 cents or more.

The funny thing for me is that with panic disorder I have always had to adapt. I shop in grocery store at 3 AM to avoid crowds and usually don't go to public places unless I take my dog or I am with family.

Next week my sisters are coming from Mexico and El Paso and we are planning a trip to Ft Worth to look at an Art Exhibition on the Impressionists. The plan is to go very early in morning and if I feel bad I will just go out to car and wait. It does not get to hot before 11 or 12 even using daylight savings time.

Its only 92 right now and not to bad. I don't consider it hot in Dallas till it hits 95.

The good part is everyone in my family are doing good. My Uncle who is 88 has cancer and refuses more chemo and I have a younger cousin with cancer responding well to his treatment. I am the oldest of 56 Grandkids and we are all still here so far. We have 5 aunts and uncles in their late 80's hanging in there living pretty good lives till late 70's and 80's.

My cousin is making a painting for us of my first granddaughter. Our new puppy is now almost 4 months old and I plan to make her a bona fide service dog that can go with me anywhere.

I am even considering a really radical idea in October of going to my High School Reunion which would be the first one in 46 years for me.I have had Panic Disorder now for 39 years but its been depression that kicks my ass in summer. I still have not figured that out.

Best to you and yours,

Pete

Pete, Be radical, you've earned it ;-)

That kind of electric bill would have me panicked as well. You seem to be a very rational man, keep plugging away at cost savings ideas, I appreciate your sharing what you have learned. I try to avoid crowds at all costs, so you'll prolly see me in the grocery at 4-5am, but now 3AM is just twilight zone lol! HUGS!! ~Wings

[bozoc]

Pete, I love your attitude, your tenacity, your knowledge of the process and your compassion for others on this board. You sound like a great guy with a wonderful family. Not to mention you are a fellow Texan. The heat around Smithville in south central Texas has just been stifiling this summer. We haven't had a drop of rain in weeks now.

Wings, if that is your real picture, you don't look like "old folks". I look like old folks, but not you. Hope you are feeling better. I think travelling causes me as much stress as anything. The last thing I need travelling is to have an incident like you had. Sounds like you handled it well.

[bm6546]

x

x

x

I just came back from a run and hide mission on the coast; left last Tuesday when visibility was 100ft for all the forest fire smoke. I'm in Nevada County, CA. Susanville is also in the thick of it, right; thousands of acres burning . . . Got myself and my daughter packed in less than 1 hour and got outta dodge quick! The fire season has me hypervigilent 24x7 all summer long!

Anyway, I had to use a public restroom on the coast; the concrete floors were covered in 1 inch of water, with no warning signs. I slipped and fell on my backside and hip. The county worker with shiney new truck and hella nice government job LAUGHED at me out loud. I tore him a new one: said I would sue his azz so fast his head would spin, told him I'd have him fired in no time flat. I mean I was ANGRY and let him know CLEARLY that I meant business. He PROMISED to get a sign that warned old folks like me they might fall and hurt themselves. I was rational until he laughed at me. It was a rough week with the 13 y/o teenager and 2 dogs traveling . . . Use my Base ID, and stayed at the Coast Guard Training Center in Petaluma (3 dollars per night, ate in the Galley for 2-3 dollars per meal) ... And 100% ers get FREE STATE PARK priveledges in California. Sometimes it's good to get away cheap if you use your benefits. Sure felt good to come home though.

~~Wings

Wings, I too am in Nevada County, Ca... Grass Valley to be exact. The smoke is really bothering me. I am a heart patient and it really bothers my lungs to breathe. I go to cardiac rehab twice a week at the hospital and they are telling us to try to go easy on the exercises and try not to walk very much. Are you close to GV?

I'm waiting for the day the VA rates me at something other than 0% so I can use some of the State Park priveledges.

Glad your home safe...Brian

[Rockhound]

calnight: I don't know if you caught my speal on what is happening on the Green Team at the Reno VA Hospital, but they no longer have any general practitioner Dr.'s who are trained to meet our special needs other than our psychiatric problems. The medical needs other than psychiatric issues are going to be taken care of downstairs by the Red and Gold team Dr.s.

My PCP Dr. Dr. McGennis resently quit in protest, because she was to only Dr. left to handle all the patien's non psychiatric needs. They were litteraly working her to death and it was getting so bad, since she had to see so many patients, she could no longer give them the care and service we deserved and there apparently was no relief in sight.

Now we will be seen by Dr.s who do not have the training to cope and understand our special needs. We will be added to the list of regular vets who already have a hard time getting to see their Dr.s in a reasonable amount of time. I'm sure once the word gets around that the Vets from the Green teem will now be added to the list for the Red and Gold teems, theri is bound to be some animosity when Vets already with the Red and Gold teems find it more difficult to see their Dr.s and taking longer to get appointments made.

I just lost my Psychiatrist who went on maternaty leave, who may or may not return, since I found out she is not credentialed, but is an Intern, of which I did not know and was not told of this fact. I had to find out by accident when I was discussing my results of some neuropsych tests I took.

Up til now I would agree with you that the Reno VA Hospital was one of the better hospitals, but now I have my reservations as to their standing, at least as I am concerned.

If I didn't have an aversion to male Dr.s which is very close to a phobia, I might have asked to be seen by your psychiatrist, but then he would have to treat me also for this near phobia I have.

Getting late or early, depending on your schedule and time zone, so I will stop my rant on what I feel is a great injustice to those of us on the Green teem.

Oh by the way, I take Quetiapine also and there are times that it puts me on edge, to the point I have to take a sleep medication to counter it so I can get to sleep. go figure.

Rockhound Rider

[calnight]

WINGS, THE SMOKE IS REALLY BAD IN SUSANVILLE IT FEELS ALL OF CALIFORNIA IS ON FIRE. ITS BEEN ALMOST 2 WEEKS I CANT EVEN SEE THE SUN. I TRY TO KEEP THE KIDS INSIDE. HOPE YOU CAN GO HOME SOON.

ROCK HOUND I HEARD ABOUT WHAT THERE DOING IN RENO. WHEN I FIRST STARTED GOING TO RENO IT WAS A ASIAN LADY DR. THEN SHE LEFT AND SHE WAS REPLACED BY A OLD RETIRED NAVY DR. I THINK HE WAS ONLY THERE FOR ABOUT A MONTH. NOW MY SHRINK GOES OVER ALL MY MEDS SINCE THERE IS NO DOCTOR. I HAVE HIGH BP AND HIGH CHOLESTEROL AND HIGH TRIGYLERIDES SO HAVE TO TAKE MEDS FOR ALL THAT TO. I THINK ITS BEEN OVER 6 MONTHS SINCE SINCE THE MENTAL HEALTH DEPT AS HAD A REGULAR DR. ITS TO BAD ABOUT YOUR PHOBIA. BUT IF YOU CAN GET PAST IT DR.VANBIBER IS REALLY GOOD REALLY LAID BACK OLDER GUY HE HAS BEEN DOING IT A LONG TIME. I REMEMBER WHEN I FIRST STARTED SEEING HIM I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF MY APPEAL TO GET IU AND 70% FOR PTSD. I ASKED HIM TO WRIGHT THAT I WAS UNEMPLOYABLE FOR ME AND HE HAD NO PROBLEM DOING IT. AND EVERY TIME I SEE HIM HE TELLS ME THAT IF THE VA REVIEWS ME TO LET HIM KNOW SO HE CAN WRIGHT A STATEMENT FOR ME. WHEN I GO SEE HIM ITS MORE ABOUT MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY WIFE AND KIDS THEN ABOUT THE PTSD. I FIGURED IT TO BE THAT HE KNOWS THAT WITH OUT FAMILY AND SUPPORT THAT THE PTSD WOULD BE ALOT WORSE AND ITS TRUE I WOULD BE IN PRISON WITHOUT THEM. THAT HOW I KNOW HE IS A GOOD DR. NOW THAT I HAVE BEEN SEEING HIM FOR ALMOST 2 YEARS HE NEVER ASK ME ABOUT MY NIGHTMARES AND FLASHBACKS YOU KNOW THE TYPICAL BS EVERY SHRINK GOT TO DRILL YOU ON. WITCH JUST PISSES YOU OFF. ITS MORE ABOUT HOW TO LIVE WITH YOUR PTSD AND HAVE THE BEST LIFE YOU CAN. NOT ABOUT A MAGIC PILL THAT WILL CURE YOU. THE OTHER VA SHRINKS WERE LETS GIVE YOU THESE MEDS COMEBACK IN A MONTH OR TO. THEN WHEN YOU COME BACK THEY ASK IF THEY WORK AND IF YOU SAY YES YOUR CURED AND IF YOU SAY NO LETS TRY ANOTHER MED UNTIL YOUR CURED.