My Brother Mike The Rest Of The Story

[Pete53]

Re: My Brother Mike passed on Christmas Day

The story behind the Story. Mike was my best friend since we were toddlers. We pretty much thought the same way, liked the same food, the same sports and took pretty much the same meds. He was 6'5 and I thought that he would live a long time more than me.

In September Mike called me and said he was in Hospital and he thought he was going to be diagnosed with cancer. After one week in Hospital an Army Hospital used by VA for emergencies. It turned out he had something called psoratic arthritis and was very anemic one of the symptoms. He also had high white count in blood and the VA gave him anti biotics that caused major problems.

Over the next four months he made quite a few visits to er mostly to get morphine for pain. By my count he went to hospital or er probably a dozen times. All the time they kept juggling medicine and their diagnosis. One day he would have kidney stones and shortly he would not have them.

Mike kept telling me that he could not tolerate the pain. Just beofre my birthday he called and told me that he had been in an ambulance for over 11 hours while VA and Army fought about who was going to take care of him. I begged him to go to any place but VA as he had regular insurance.

By Christmas Day Mike had given up on any kind of proper care or relief and shot himself in the head when his wife went to Kitchen to make breakfast. She found him and called me.

I have been devastated and so has his family. I swear if it is the last thing I ever do I will help his wife sue the VA.

My advice to anyone who uses the VA is to be careful.

[Doc John]

I can only offer prayers and my deepest sympathy, Pete, to you and your family. I offer no advice.

I lost my brother Jim two and a half years ago to cancer. He suffered from PTSD and was in a fight with VA for Agent Orange benefits and finally died of one of the "presumtive" cancers. He was a hospital corpsman, like me, and was on the hospital ship USS Repose for two tours, including Tet offensive in '68 and the fire on the USS Forrestal in '67. He also spent time in country receiving casualties. He died five days after his 60th birthday.

His wife received a VA award letter the week after he died stating that his claim had been approved. Then, after they recieved notice of his death, she was told she was not entitled to any survivor benefits.

She hates the institution called The Department of Veterans Affairs and even though she might eventually have won a settlement of some sort, she could not face dealing with VA any longer. She was put through the mill along with my brother and she is still worn down by the treatment he received from them.

The reliving of our past traumas every time we file a claim or an appeal is horrible.

Veterans and our families deserve a more professional and dignified process than what we get. I loved my brother Jim like you love your brother. I still cry easily when I think of him.

[Wings]

x

x

x

I was angry with my brother too. He passed away 3 years ago, and was 41 years old. I just felt that "if only this, and if only that" ... you know what I mean. He left behind a little girl that my mother is now raising by herself. Life is such a kick in the pants, then you die. While it lasts, life presents some awesome moments --never forget those you have loved. Hang in there Pete, as the months pass, it gets easier to carry that load. ~Wings

[Jayg]

Pete, I know that no amount of sympathy can ease your pain but it's all I have to offer. The best of luck in your pursuit of justice. There sure needs to be some!

Contact me.

I know a doc who is interested in doing IMOs or whatever he can for vets. He did my IMO. He is not familiar with VA's language so I provided him with samples from VAwatchdog & a "knol" from Scott or Strickland, I can't recall which at the moment. The report the doc made did not get a good review here but worked anyway. The doc is an internet acquaintance and even though he gave me a break on the bill, it still cost me a couple hefty pennies I could ill afford. The doc has also been working with a WWII vet and I flat out asked him if he would like to help out if he could and he said yes.

Speaking of which, if somebody could critique the IMO and pencil whip it to show how it could have been rendered better suited for VA, we would both appreciate it.

Another thing. Pete, I know you'll never trust a VA Medical Center again and I sure wouldn't blame you. But I have to stress that just like private practice medicine, quality of care varies. The C&P department at Overton-Brooks in Shreveport stinks to high heaven but I believe the medical care I have received there has, in the main, been very good. It is at least the equal of what I was getting on private insurance and vastly superior to one local private hospital. (I literally would not take a dog there.*) I understand the quality of back surgeons in Houston to be second to none- which is why I'm going there for a second opinion on my back.

What I am trying to say to others is, don't disqualify a medical facility just because it's VA. Seek the best care you have the option to get whatever the source.

*For more detail on that private hospital, I had to go there to er one night when I got a gash at work (some years back, now). There were two of us there that night and I was there 7 hours. My area was dirty including spots of dried blood on the table support structure and the floor. There was torn wrappings from things laying on the floor too. The other person was a women in considerable discomfort, wailing and crying. People were hanging around the console center gabbing and no one even stuck a head in to reassure her, let alone do something for her. Finally I yelled at them and somebody stuck their head in and said they'd check on her chart. She was still there being ignored when I was finally discharged after getting my stitches. The mess was still there too. The sewer was efficient if grumpy and surly.

I have heard the place has been improved- I sure hope so!

[halos2]

Pete,

..."I also am angry with my brother"...Yes you feel this way because you are thinking somewhat rationally.

He was not thinking about others...just looking for a way to end the "pain". One really cannot imagine "pain thresholds" from one individual, and compound that with severe depression, hightened anxiety and the situation becomes volatile.

When one commits suicide they are thinking about themself. They are not thinking about the effects on survivors. They think there is no ecsape, and they don't even discount what others may feel, but the here and now of ending their pain, at whatever the cost. Stopping the Pain!

Suicide is so final. The ending of not what we believed or perceived it was to be for the one we cared about, and yes loved, and still do love.

The anger is a normal response you are feeling, like the what if's that constantly creep into our mind. One feels cheated, and asks why? But I wanted more time. I wanted to tell the person there is another answer...all these things go around in your psyche and can only compromise your health and well being. Your resistence is decreased, eating probably affected, and the anger can manifest in outward ways as arguments occurring, tearful sessions, avoiding people and places as they are just reminders.

Speaking with grief counselors, or grief meetings with groups can be of assistance too. Many hospitals, civilian, or health departments can lead you in the direction where they are located. They might call themselves "share "groups but they are out there. Churches may also offer these groups.

Pain is a terrible experience one goes through in their lifetime. You can never second guess the situation. In a split second the act is done, maybe the person didn't realize their action impactions on those left behind. Maybe the person asked god for forgiveness, again don't try to wonder but remember so we cannot judge but rejoyce in the life we shared with them.

You have to learn anger is a normal response to an abnormal occurrance.

You are angry with the choice Mike made!

The facts are clear. You still love and miss your brother. His wife loves and misses her husband, as well as do the children with their father. The loss will always be there.

The wounds are too fresh to figure how to deal with them now. Talking, writing, working on helping his family will serve as a means of diversions, yet offering your assistance will fill a much needed void you feel in your heart.

Always remember the good times you two shared together. Not the act that removed him physically from your presence.

You will always carry the love with you in your heart, forever.

Your friend, halos2

Edited January 11, 2010 by halos2

[maset22]

Dear Pete. Sorry about your brother. May God hold and protect you, your sister in law, and nephews. That the journey you are on give you the achievement and peace you are seeking. Love maset

[mrsvet28]

Re: My Brother Mike passed on Christmas Day

The story behind the Story. Mike was my best friend since we were toddlers. We pretty much thought the same way, liked the same food, the same sports and took pretty much the same meds. He was 6'5 and I thought that he would live a long time more than me.

In September Mike called me and said he was in Hospital and he thought he was going to be diagnosed with cancer. After one week in Hospital an Army Hospital used by VA for emergencies. It turned out he had something called psoratic arthritis and was very anemic one of the symptoms. He also had high white count in blood and the VA gave him anti biotics that caused major problems.

MY DAD DIED OF BLOOD POISIONING AND MALNUTRITION AT THE NURSING VA HOME-MY FAMILY AND I STILL AREN;T RIGHT ABOUT IT -I TRIED TO SAVE HIM AND THEY PULLED THE PLUG-I HAND FED HIM AND THEY CUT A HOLE IN HIS STOMACHE TO BE FED -HE DIED W/ ME BY HIS SIDE 4 DAYS LATER....I DROVE 300 MILES ROUND TRIP TO TAKE CARE OF HIM-AND I KNOW I DID THE RIGHT THING.............AND THAT IS WHAT I GO WITHFOR 12 YRS.

if you know what you did go with it

AND I AGREE WITH YOU

when he died he was a WW2 vet they wouldnt give him a military fu neral because he owed 10 in dues ...........

but I fought 7days he grew hair and a beard...the undertaker shaved him 2 x ...

AND HE GOT A MILITARY FUNERAL HE SO DESERVED.....

so if you belong to a legion or VFW....

DON'T FORGET TO PAY YOUR BAR TAB B)

NO S ,...T THEY WON'T BURY YOU...HONORABLY ..JUST ASK ME I KNOW

Over the next four months he made quite a few visits to er mostly to get morphine for pain. By my count he went to hospital or er probably a dozen times. All the time they kept juggling medicine and their diagnosis. One day he would have kidney stones and shortly he would not have them.

Mike kept telling me that he could not tolerate the pain. Just beofre my birthday he called and told me that he had been in an ambulance for over 11 hours while VA and Army fought about who was going to take care of him. I begged him to go to any place but VA as he had regular insurance.

By Christmas Day Mike had given up on any kind of proper care or relief and shot himself in the head when his wife went to Kitchen to make breakfast. She found him and called me.

I have been devastated and so has his family. I swear if it is the last thing I ever do I will help his wife sue the VA.

My advice to anyone who uses the VA is to be careful.