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David Scott Lare- A Beautiful Soul, A Wonderful Husband, And Loving Father-Age 62


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It is with great great sadness that I have to let the Hadit members know that my husband died on Sept. 2nd. He fought the battle hard! He had Congestive Heart Failure, Pulmonary Hypertension,

Pulmonary Fibrosis, and PTSD. He was diagnosed with the Pulmonary Fibrosis in January of 2010. It is a very wicked and wrenching disease. With this, his heart could not handle it.

I do believe that our loved ones will wait before crossing over if they need to see someone special in their lives. Our daughter came in from Chicago for 3 days and was there when his heart began the process of shutting down.

VA did not recognize the Pulmonary Fibrosis, but he was 100% service connected for his heart and 70% for PTSD. He applied for increase of the IHD and PTSD on 09/29/11. By March of 2012, they granted him 100% P&T. I am so very very thankful that he knew that VA cared and VA did not wait until after he passed away to grant him the 100% ( like many of the veterans)! For VA, this was super fast and kind of unprecedented!

When he applied for Social Security disability, he was granted it in 33 days! Now let us put the credit where it is due- I thank God for taking care of him!

This is the hardest thing that I can imagine. We celebrated our 26 wedding anniversary on 06/14/12. I thank God for every single day of our life together and there will always be a huge void in my heart!

I know this site will help me cope. I have not been on in a long time, for my husband was the most important thing and then nothing else seem to matter.

David always kept saying that he would beat this disease and that is how he could cope with it on a daily basis. He was fine Christian man who loved the Lord with all of his heart. Heaven just needed a little more sunshine and a man who could talk about rocks and minerals 24/7.

Our daughter had to leave yesterday to go back to Chicago, for her classes started today. She is in so much pain. He knew she had a wonderful boyfriend and was happy and I know this help ease his mind.

Samantha, our daughter wanted to focus on Vietnam Vets, then decided that she wanted to include all others. Her therapy is photography ( this is her major). She has a site where she is telling her father's story and then hopes to focus on some sort of topic along the lines of how Veteran's families cope with losses. She and I are both extremely proud of his military service!!

We are proud of you Jocko ( the name he gave himself when he stepped off the plane in Vietnam). When he was on American soil again, he then became David again. This was his coping mechanism. David Scott never went to Vietnam.

I apologize if I make this post so long, but you know, it helped writing it down.

I will post later for help with all that I need to do to apply for my benefits.

God Bless you all!

David, Samichris and I love you very much and miss you terribly.

Rest in peace darling!!

Your Loving Wife,

Celia (Mrs. Rockman)

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God is the only one that can get us through.

David did donate his body to science, but they did harvest his corneas.

We will have later on a celebration of life with plenty of pictures, his military medals, and plenty of caring people. I know he can have military honors ( I think that is what you call it) at his memorial and have the presentation of the flag.

God bless you, Terry!

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Although I don't know you I am very saddened by your loss. May God wrap you in his comforting arms to help you cope at this time.

Vetswife

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Celia - Very sorry to hear of your loss. The pain of grief is great and I hope that the prayers and I others send your way give you some comfort.

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Tbird-

I want to thank you for Hadit and all of the great members here at this site!! Without this site, I would have had no clue as to what to do.

I would have never gotten claims approved without all of your generous help. Volunteering is a beautiful thing and it indeed comes back to you in many ways.

Would you believe that his PCP with VA had filed for a grant (on 06/25/12) to have a ride in shower in our house and it was approved. We have a ramp, motorized wheelchair, & lift already.

Doc applied for Aid and Attendance, but it was just denied. Doc is the one who mentioned that we needed it and the money would help me out. He wasn't "bad enough" so VA says. I should have appealed this, but my time needed to be with my husband.

David always wanted to get a t-shirt printed up saying that" my wife got me my100 %". He would say that it really did not matter if you filed a claim, the VA would deny you so why go to the trouble. Tbird, I would not give up, for he earned every single bit of his disability and more. There are plenty of things that we were going to file for, but our time just ran out.

I know I will stay on this site and learn more and if I can help one person, that is what it is all about. Indeed, I do not know very much and surely not as much as all of you, but you never know if something will come up that we did have to deal with. This site, I believe, will be one of my healing tools!

THANK YOU THANK YOU EVERYONE HERE AT HADIT!!! May God Bless all of you and guide you in everything that you do.

Celia

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Ms Rockman,

Very, very sorry, to read of David's death.

Please post anytime you want or need to, we will still be here, for you.

I believe that - should you want it, the VAMC's and Vet Centers

can help with grief counseling.

Best regards,

carlie

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Notorious Kelly,

Thank you. I never looked at it that he did beat the disease in that way. What a wonderful way to phrase it.

At least I do know he can have the military honors liked he so wanted.

I have always been curious, do you or have you done a lot of mineral mining? We own a small mineral company and we have dug all over. We did some in Arizona. Our favorite is quartz. We named our company after Jeffries Quarry in North Little Rock for solution quartz. We just spelled our as Jeffrey, so to be legal.

We did Gem & Mineral Shows from Tucson, Denver to over to Marietta, GA. We had to quit going to Denver because of the altitude and Tucson was too far. In fact I met David at a Gem and Mineral Show in Memphis. Ever since then I was indeed hooked!

God Bless!

Celia

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Carlie,

Thank you so much and these messages do help- veterans who care for veterans.

What I understand is I will not be eligible to the grief counseling from the Vet Center. I still have to check on it. I was hoping Samantha would be eligible for it also, for she is not coping very well.

I will continue to post. Right now I am in the process of getting the life insurance info together.

Have a blesses day.

Celia (aka Mrs. Rockman)

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I am so sorry to read this Celia, and will pray for all of you.

In my case ,when my husband died, his VA shrink set up a few appointments for me for grief counseling at the local VAMC.. His death ,so sudden, was hard for our daughter to accept at first, but when kids are young,they sure are resilient.

I seem to recall the VA doctor saw both of us a few times.

It is worth seeing if either the Vet Center or the VAMC can help you.

Sometimes so much happens when a spouse dies, that survivors often put off a lot of the grieving process. To others they appear to be 'strong' and getting on with their life well.

The bad part about doing that ,however, is that in time the grief can begin to become overwhelming ,years after the death.

I found that same phenomena when I worked at a vet center. I knew combat vets who were overwhelmed by the losses

their unit took during the Vietnam War , and the grief became full blown, many many years after the fact ,because they had not been able to deal with it or react to these deaths of their comrades , in the field,decades ago and had put off getting their feelings out,for years.

Good grief counseling can definitely help one get through some of the sorrow and the trauma of losing a spouse.

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Berta,

It took David 40 years to seek help for his PTSD, because he know that there is indeed something not right with him, but do not want to come face to face with everything. Once he completed the 12 week CPT (I think that is what it is called) his nightmares and flashbacks were more intense.

We live 2 hours away from the Memphis VAMC. We both attended the PTSD suppport groups near our house- he for the guys and myself for the families. My counselor is terrific. I did go on Tuesday to let her and the group know. My counselor told me that right now I may be fine, but it is coming and do not hold it in.

Once he passes away, I am no longer eligible for the PTSD support group. I cannot make the two hour trip to Memphis. I know Samantha needs the counseling very bad also. She is going to see one at school. I knew she could not handle making the trip to the Chicago VAMC and needed something close to her college.

Yes, I do plan on seeing where I can seek counseling. Our VA CBOC is about 20 minutes from the house and that is where David did his original counseling. I wonder if it is possible for me to go there just for the counseling part of it? With Champva, I cannot go to the CBOC for my primary care, I have to go to Memphis. I cannot go to Memphis now, for there is a long wait list to get in. The beautiful part is that our PCP doctor was our doctor in private practice before they opened this CBOC, so we have a long history with him.

I cannot begin to be so grateful for this site. Without this site, I would have had to rely of what very little knowledge, if any, that I had to go forward with his claims.

I know you sent me something a long while back concerning the widow that was finally granted service connected for her deceased husband's pulmonary fibrosis. Hopefully, VA will honor his CHF as due to the cause of death and thus the Pulmonary Fibrosis will be a moot point at that time. Cardiac arrest is what I was told was on his death certificate and hopefully that stands true. The doctor for VA in the non-VA hospital told me that was what would be on the death certificate.

VA Memphis even called me on Tuesday from a department, but not fee the fee basis one. She was calling the hospital for them to send the bill to VA. She said that in her opinion since he was 100% sc'd for IHD and that he did die from cardiac arrest, VA should pay the bill. She said that she was not the one to make this decision, but she had put notes in his file and send it on. She said the good thing is that he did not have any other insurance. Luckily, he had not gotten medicare yet, for I knew if he had, that is another whole story.

I will keep you posted. It was so very hard to sit down and post it, but I knew that I had to see it in writing and honor him. When I posted it, my heart went back to you, knowing what you have been through.

Thank you Berta for listening! I know I just kept rambling on and on, but once I started typing, I could not stop. This place will be a great help for me and I am so sorry for making it so so long!

God Bless!

Celia

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Celia,

That's cool you met at a gem show.

After coffee right now, I'm heading to the gold fields of Greaterville for the first time this season.

I don't know near as much about minerals as I'd like but enjoy exploring with the doggy and manily metal detecting now.

May only last an hour but it's fun! smile.png

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Notorious Kelly,

What a great way to start your day- coffee and going for the gold. On our first date, David gave me a vial of gold. A while later a friend of ours, who panned for gold, gave me a beautiful gold nugget.

Good luck today.

Celia

Mrs. R

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Celia, God bless you and to know he is at peace with God. My heart and soul crys with you.

May God bless you and your family!

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SP4RVN1971,

Yes, I know he is at peace and he would not tell us how badly he was doing. He didn't want to hurt us, so he kept saying he was fine. Well, you know, he isn't fine--he is fantastic, for he is in heaven.

Just a small note, David left Vietnam in April of 1971 & I noticed that you were there sometime in 1971. I hope you don't mind me mentioning it. You never know if someone was there at the same time or not.

God bless you too!

Celia

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“Once he passes away, I am no longer eligible for the PTSD support group.”

Something like that happened to me too.I almost had forgot about it. I was asked to help a PTSD spouse start up a PTSD spouse group a few years ago and the local VAMC let us use their community room. but I felt tremendous animosity there and had to leave the group.

As one PTSD spouse told me point blank, my husband's death had saved me from what a lot of the other spouses were still putting up with, so why was I there.

Another spouse told me, since I had been in a PTSD combat group, as a vet center volunteer, my perspective was altered and I was on 'their' side.

They never knew what I had dealt with as a PTSD wife myself.

There are often local support groups that I think the county offices have info on.

The problem with many widows and widowers groups in general ,however, is that veteran's survivors have unique aspects of grief to deal with that many other non vet survivors cannot understand at all.

This is a time to be very careful too as there are people out there who will try to take advantage of anyone who is grief stricken.

”She said that in her opinion since he was 100% sc'd for IHD and that he did die from cardiac arrest, VA should pay the bill.

Yes I would think so too and if the death certificate shows his SC IHD as cause of or contributing to his death, there should be no problem when you file for DIC. I assume he was not 100% SC P & T for 10 years so a lot will depend on the death certificate.

I am glad you are seeking some form of professional counseling as grief truly does have different stages and when we know what to expect, it helps tremendously.

A former hadit member here had started a nice widows/widowers of veterans internet group years ago ,with some VA info as well as comradery and then all of us members began to get porn from someone who had infiltrated the group.

Professional help is the best and safest help of all.

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My condolences for your loss. You and your daughter will be in my prayers. I pray for grace to help you handle your grief and to give you energy to do what is needed to secure the benefits that your husband earned for you. If you have any questions Hadit is here for you.

Pete

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I don't know if you would be interested or not but

Hospice might provide grief counseling and I believe

they now have a Hospice wing at just about every VAMC.

You can always call Hospice and inquire.

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