There Is A Light At The End Of The Tunnel

[82airborne]

Well my caim is just about finished. Now I can work on physical therapy and mental health. I promise I had no hope in the system but in the end the system proved me wrong. I'm on a long journey to undo over two decades of pure violence. My goal is to become a loving member of society. I still plan to stay in the house. I'm not ready to try to be the social butterfly. THANX again for allowing me to be here in my next level of life. THANX and may GOD bless!

[82airborne]

Ok. I plan on moving pretty soon to a quiet part of town. TO TELL Y'ALL THE TRUTH IM LEAVIN BECAUSE I do not want company people visiting me. All day if I don't have any doctors appointments. I sit in my room only coming out my room for bathroom breaks. People don't relate to me I try to tell my violent jokes and they look at me like I am a LUNATICK. I try to tell people about the things that I am mentally going through. Half or most of them don't even believe me. Only if they knew my inner thoughts. My attle NW s not beating nobody up. I'm turning forty. I think I'm tough but it's always somebody that's tougher. But when I'm triggered my face turn red as well as my eyes my nose snot I breathe hard I'm like the hulk when I am angered. Ok this guy in my group said its always somebody that's younger and faster he was seventy something he said he might think he could win not realizing his age. Low key depends on how stressed I am I dress myself to a deceased person I know. In my head I see every dead person I know. In a black room with no walls and a light shines on them. So ok let's say a friend dies today in my head when I close my eyes the reason that died would be at the end of the line in my mind and I can talk to any one f the, I fel like I'm loosing reality. Seeing hearing stuff. Well this trazadone got me sleepy so now it's GOOODNIGHT world. :-t piiieeeece

[carlie]

82nd,

Keep in mind that there is NO magic pill that takes it all away.

We have to keep doing our part, being safe,going to therapy

and learning skills to help us get through daily living.

In my opinion one of the most important things we can do is,

learn that with all the help we get, RX meds, therapy, whatever,

we can teach and retrain ourselves (to some level) on better ways to

react to stressful situations.

This helps keep the public and ourselves a lot safer.

After all if we blow up and knock the crap out of someone,

chances are high that we wind up in jail and have yet

another label attached to us.

JMHO

[82airborne]

82nd,

Keep in mind that there is NO magic pill that takes it all away.

We have to keep doing our part, being safe,going to therapy

and learning skills to help us get through daily living.

In my opinion one of the most important things we can do is,

learn that with all the help we get, RX meds, therapy, whatever,

we can teach and retrain ourselves (to some level) on better ways to

react to stressful situations.

This helps keep the public and ourselves a lot safer.

After all if we blow up and knock the crap out of someone,

chances are high that we wind up in jail and have yet

another label attached to us.

JMHO

Yes I agree I'm staying locked up in the house. I'm about to move to a quieter place in the next couple months. THANX for your wise advice

[82airborne]

Man I tried to go to church. EVERYTIME someone came thru the door my head had to snap to look to see if it's a threat. While the service was going on all I could think about is beating this guy up in my neighborhood. I ended up leaving church and driving thru my neighborhood. I didn't find him so I went home. I was glad I didn't see him. This make me realize I need to keep myself locked away. Man I couldn't concentrate on nothing going on inside the church. Then I foun out somebody was threatening my friend so I told my buddy to take me to the location. I told him to stay in the car and tell me where the guy lives and what's his name. I had a little talk with him. I told him to get his friends. Everybody that wants problems with my friend. I said bring them and I will fight all y'all. I craved pain and violence I wanted it bad bad bad. But the guy backed down. I need to stay away from friends strangers in all of the above. I'm up to 80 mg of Prozac. I just hope I can move into a far away slower pace place away. From everybody else I'm dooomed for doing something stupid. THANX for having me I'm locked in my room hopefully until I buy this house. Then I'm closed off to the world. I will be a hermit. :-)

[carlie]

Man I tried to go to church. EVERYTIME someone came thru the door my head had to snap to look to see if it's a threat.

While the service was going on all I could think about is beating this guy up in my neighborhood. I ended up leaving church and driving thru my neighborhood.

I didn't find him so I went home. I was glad I didn't see him. This make me realize I need to keep myself locked away. Man I couldn't concentrate on nothing going on inside the church.

Then I foun out somebody was threatening my friend so I told my buddy to take me to the location. I told him to stay in the car and tell me where the guy lives and what's his name.

I had a little talk with him. I told him to get his friends. Everybody that wants problems with my friend. I said bring them and I will fight all y'all.

I craved pain and violence I wanted it bad bad bad. But the guy backed down.

I need to stay away from friends strangers in all of the above. I'm up to 80 mg of Prozac.

I just hope I can move into a far away slower pace place away.

From everybody else I'm dooomed for doing something stupid.

THANX for having me I'm locked in my room hopefully until I buy this house.

Then I'm closed off to the world. I will be a hermit. :-)

82nd -

STOP this behavior, as you will end up in a ton of trouble - you think you have problems now,

can't deal with being around people now,picture being locked up in jail with a bunch of yahoo's.

Think of having court and sentencing dates, paying restitution, etc . . .

You go to jail for a certain period of time and just guess what happens with your VBA, SSA benefits.

And BTW - I do know that you realize - You are not the biggest bad azz around.

The same peeps you are in the mood to smash - just might smash back a little harder or with something besides their fist.

Get your act together - or check yourself into the flight deck.

BTW - let your friend fight his own battles - you have enough of your own to deal with.

I say all these things out of concern, for both you and the public.

[82airborne]

82nd -

STOP this behavior, as you will end up in a ton of trouble - you think you have problems now,

can't deal with being around people now,picture being locked up in jail with a bunch of yahoo's.

Think of having court and sentencing dates, paying restitution, etc . . .

You go to jail for a certain period of time and just guess what happens with your VBA, SSA benefits.

And BTW - I do know that you realize - You are not the biggest bad azz around.

The same peeps you are in the mood to smash - just might smash back a little harder or with something besides their fist.

Get your act together - or check yourself into the flight deck.

BTW - let your friend fight his own battles - you have enough of your own to deal with.

I say all these things out of concern, for both you and the public.

THANX YOU u ARE RIGHT HOPEFULLY I Will be moving and buying a house far far away. One thing I been this way for twenty years. That's why I would burn and cut myself to stop hurting people. Now I don't do that anymore I have nothing to snap back to. Truthly a part of me wants death and another part want life. It's like I snap. Depending on how stressed I am I will turn myself into a deceased person I. Know by taking on their appearance. The shrink say avoidance is bad but that's the only thing that stop me from hurting people is staying locked up in a house. My Prozac just got upped to 80mg. EVERYTIME they up my dose I want to hurt people for about a month the I level off. THANX for your concern and advice