My Husband Died. Now What?

[free_spirit_etc]

My husband died February 5th. He had a claim for service connection for lung cancer pending at the RO. I am thinking that they close the claim -- and I have to file a seperate claim for his claim (as it stood) to be granted for back pay. And that I need to file for DIC even though his claim has not been approved yet. I am assuming we lost the ability to apply for the life insurance that would have been availbale to him had they approved his claim before he died.

I am not really at a place where I can research all of this yet. But looking for some words of wisdom.

Free

[free_spirit_etc]

Thank you for your kindness Pete. My husband served during the tail end of Vietnam -- but was in Guam (which has its own AO problems).

Yep. Not much help from the VA. We STILL haven't even recieved a copy of his discharge physical we requested in June or July (too tired to look it up right now.)

He didn't even get Taps. He always said he never could make it through a military funeral without crying when he heard Taps. So I told him we wouldn't play it for him. But he said "No. I WANT it."

So they set up the honor guard -- and they did the flag folding and and the gun volley - but then the funeral director said 'That concludes our service."

I asked --Aren't they going to play Taps???????

He said - I don't know - it looks like they are done -- they are getting in their van.

ACK! They just leave it with no closure and drive off????

So one of the funeral guys caught up with them and asked - and they told him the sound system wasn't working.

So they just hop in the van and drive off????

You would think they would have a plan B - like an extra tape player...

Anyway - I was TOTALLY upset because I had promised him I would have Taps played for him.

I was looking at the funeral honors -- and it says that Public Law requires a MINIMM of Flag folding and Taps..

So I think they still OWE him that -- even if they play it on a kazoo or something.

My sister says to call and demand that they go back to his grave and play taps when they get their sound system working. --Inviting me of course.

If the law says you have to get Taps -- can you push the honor guard to go back and play it?

Free

Dear Free Spirit:

First if all I am sorry for your loss.

I am also sorry that you and your husband had to go through this will little or no help from the VA. I am no expert on this but I think that if your husband served in Viet Nam than you will get DIC.

If there is anything I can do please let me know.

Pete

[free_spirit_etc]

Here is the law.

Section 578 of Public Law 106-65 of the National Defense Authorization Act

‘‘© CEREMONY.—A funeral honors detail shall, at a minimum,

perform at the funeral a ceremony that includes the folding of

a United States flag and presentation of the flag to the veteran’s

family and the playing of Taps. Unless a bugler is a member

of the detail, the funeral honors detail shall play a recorded version

of Taps using audio equipment which the detail shall provide if

adequate audio equipment is not otherwise available for use at

the funeral

I think they owe him Taps.

Free

Thank you for your kindness Pete. My husband served during the tail end of Vietnam -- but was in Guam (which has its own AO problems).

Yep. Not much help from the VA. We STILL haven't even recieved a copy of his discharge physical we requested in June or July (too tired to look it up right now.)

He didn't even get Taps. He always said he never could make it through a military funeral without crying when he heard Taps. So I told him we wouldn't play it for him. But he said "No. I WANT it."

So they set up the honor guard -- and they did the flag folding and and the gun volley - but then the funeral director said 'That concludes our service."

I asked --Aren't they going to play Taps???????

He said - I don't know - it looks like they are done -- they are getting in their van.

ACK! They just leave it with no closure and drive off????

So one of the funeral guys caught up with them and asked - and they told him the sound system wasn't working.

So they just hop in the van and drive off????

You would think they would have a plan B - like an extra tape player...

Anyway - I was TOTALLY upset because I had promised him I would have Taps played for him.

I was looking at the funeral honors -- and it says that Public Law requires a MINIMM of Flag folding and Taps..

So I think they still OWE him that -- even if they play it on a kazoo or something.

My sister says to call and demand that they go back to his grave and play taps when they get their sound system working. --Inviting me of course.

If the law says you have to get Taps -- can you push the honor guard to go back and play it?

Free

[Berta]

I dont blame you for asking again for this Honor- Taps-

Free-I wrote Rods Obit and also part of the funeral service-the Minister wanted to sing hymns and talk about Rod but he really did not know anything about Rod's service-

so to make sure Rod got the honor he deserved I wrote it myself.

His funeral was weeks after his death so that gave the AL plenty of time to get Color Guard and some bullets.

I am mentioning all this because I wanted things to go right at the VA where he wanted to be buried. The VA cemetery service, the funeral director, the priest or minister- they have nothing to do with assuring a military funeral.

American Legion saw the obit in the paper and called me to extend their Color Guard etc-

I found out later that this is not SOP-

They saw the obit stated Rod was service disabled and they had time to get members -some from great distances-to be here for the ceremony.The color guard was astonishing- well it all was----

but I had no idea that neither the VA nor anyone else handles it- it is up to the family to contact the Legion-unless they see in the obit that the deceased is service connected vet and then have some time to arrange to get to the services.

This fiasco-I believe- is the responsibility of the Director of the cemetery-

They have a button under a podium in the cemetery usually that triggers Taps from a high microphone.

Here in Bath you can hear taps and the volley all over the whole VAMC grounds.The minister just pops the button when the services are over.

At the VA web site I believe there is a link to the VA Cemetery Program and list of the directors.

Or you could file a service complaint on the Inquiry system at the VA web site.

You husband deserved Taps and Taps are still due this veteran.

Recently they had the annual Taps day here in NY_ think it is all over the country-

maybe one of the vets in your locale who participated in this would have a bugle and be able to provide this service for you at the cemetery.

Cripes -I have Taps on a Tape- you are right -they could have played it on a cassette.

Somebody screwed up. They still owe your husband this honor.

Edited February 16, 2007 by Berta

[Pete53]

Yes they should come back and give him TAP's. You might consider calling the Junior ROTC at a local High School and asking if they would be willing to do it. Also some of the Service Organizations may be willing to help out. I know my DAV had a honor guard for funerals including 8 rifles and TAP's.

Lets face it that it is at least one promise that can be kept.

Good Luck to you.

[free_spirit_etc]

Thanks Pete and Berta,

My husband wasn't buried at a military cemetary. His father wanted him buried by his mother and brother. So we had a memorial service down here - and then took him home for his funeral and burial.

The cemetary where he is buried is in a very small town. They told me they usually have the local veterans group play taps with the bugle. But the funeral director down here contacted the local base to have their honor guard up go up to where he was buried. The limo driver told me the honor guard had a small boom box sitting out on the ground - and that he kept waiting for someone to reach down and start it - but no one did.

They just started loading up in the van and leaving -- while everyone was waiting for Taps.

Then when one of the funeral directors went and asked - they told him the sound system wasn't working. (Then why did theyhave it sitting out on the ground - ready?)

Our funeral director told us had the honor guard informed them the sound system wasn't working - the funeral home would have provided one.

This was an honor guard from the base my husband spent his last 17 years -- and retired from.

A friend of mine called the retired Chief's Group (my husband was a retired Chief Master Sergeant - and belonged to the group) -- and they just said - Well sometimes those things happen.

ACK! Like I was being petty wanting Taps played for my husband who gave 28 years of his life to his country.

I am gald someone agrees that they still OWE him Taps.

And I am also going to see if I can make any headway in contacting the Base -- and making sure the honor guard developes a Plan B (like having a SPARE tape player) to make sure no other veteran they do a service for has to have their funeral service end with the family waiting for Taps - while the Honor Guard is hopping in the van and driving away -- while the funeral director is trying to figure out what is going on.

But so far -- getting Taps has been like applying for disability -- they act like you are being petty when you just try to get what was promised to you.

Free

[free_spirit_etc]

Yippie! I called the Base Honor Guard and told them of the situation. I got a call back 10 minutes later from the guy in charge of the Honor Guard.

He said they didn't know the electronic bugler didn't work...and that they usually have a live bugler.

He told me they are at my beck and call -- and they will send 2 Honor Guard up to play Taps at my husband's grave whenever I want to arrange it. He said he may even do it himself. So I will give my husband Taps!!!!

I'm still a bit overwhelmed at the moment -- so I will pick a day that is very special -- (and hopefully a bit warmer than 7 degrees) -- and create a nice little ceremony for him.

And he said that he will follow through on the mess up. I sure hope he does - because I don't want ANY veteran's widow to ever have to go through a military service that has no closure -- crying because her husband wanted Taps -- and the Honor Guard is driving off into the sunset with no explaination.

Free