MSTANDFEDUP Posted August 22, 2009 Share Posted August 22, 2009 I will try to make this as straight to the point as possible without triggering. I have been patient and have waited over two years up until now without making a fus. I've HAD IT. My case should be very cut and dry as I have a pile a mile high of evidence to support my claim, however the VA denied. (Air Force) In 2004 I was sexually harassed by my supervisor. The Military Equal Opportunity office got involved and opened a case against him. After a one month investigation, he was CHARGED with 4 counts of sexual harassment and one count of discrimination. He was then DEMOTED in rank. I then seperated from the military. Honerable Discharge. Within 6 months, I went into severe mental stress, psychosis of the mind, due to trauma. I checked myself into a mental health hospital and was there for 2 weeks. I had stopped sleeping, had anxiety, flashbacks, was replaying the events again and again, the list goes on and on. Over the past 5 years, since the 2004 events, I've been homeless twice, I've been unable to acquire gainful employment, I've been in and out of mental health and have since finally in 2008!!!! received access to the VA for MST/PTSD mental health care (4 years too late). Here is the series of events, and I swear that once I am finished with my claim I will spend the rest of my life helping women and men who suffer from MST with their VA claims. I am so upset at this point, today I am triggering all over the place and I'm finally speaking up. From 2003-2004 in active duty I was repeatedly harassed, threatened, the list goes on and I don't want to get into personal details here about the assault by my supervisor. I discharged in 2004, honerable In 2005 I contacted the MEO office that held the MEO investigation into the harassment and requested my documents per the FOIA (Freedom of Information Act). I have a copy of this letter sent to them. In 2007 I received a letter back, stating the documents had been destroyed. This was two years too late. I requested in 2005!!!! The letter told me to contact the Secretary of Department of Defense and that under a 2 year clause the documents were to be destroyed. I have a copy of this letter and have sent it to my claim file with the VA in 2007. I also have a copy of the orginal claim statement from MEO during the investigation, I sent this to the VA in 2007. (made copies at the time of the investigation, which goes over the harassment in detail, times/dates/places, MEO investigated numerous other people who also confirmed the harassment before he was charged with the crimes and demoted). I sent a copy of the investigation paperwork into the VA when I opened my claim for PTSD/MST in 2007. I spent 2005 until today in and out of mental health hospitals, clinics, etc. all of this documentation has been sent to the va. THE VA DOCTORS AT THE LOCAL VA CLAIM I HAVE MST/PTSD and rate me at 48% GAF SCORE. Their own DOCTORS state that I have PTSD from MST. I opened my VA claim in 2007 and I'm now at 22 months in waiting. It was first denied, and I sent a notice of disagreement. It is now supposedly being "expedited" due to having ended up homeless again. While staying at the homeless shelter, I had a fax sent into the VA claims stating that I was homeless and in this shelter (letterhead from the shelter). This is when they said it would be expedited. This was the second time I ended up homeless. Now a few months have gone by and the VA telephone representatives say they have no record of an original EXPRESS MAILED DOCUMENT that I sent in 2007 which contained 1) the MEO investigation paperwork I had copies of 2) a letter from the acting commander at the time in which he talks about the incidents in the letter. They said they have no record of that from 2007. So I then RE-SENT in EXPRESS mail and registered mail AGAIN, copies of the same documents. I finally got up the nerve yesterday to call the base where the events happened. As soon as I called I triggered and began crying. I called the MEO office and asked about the case documents, again was told there is no record anymore that they were possibly destroyed in 2005. I expressed my feelings to this office and I'm now officially going to put in a written complaint to the base commander about how the entire case was handled back in 2004, how fast it was swept under the carpet, and how I should have immediately been placed into counseling/mental health treatment immediately after the incidents occured and immediately after the MEO investigation. The investigation into the harassment was as bad as the harassment itself. It was first turned on me, then after the month went by, I was given an apology from the Wing Commander about how this sort of thing would "never happen under his chain of command again". There is a zero tolerance policy alright, it's a zero tolerance policy for anyone who SPEAKS UP about harassment/rape. The VA says the claim is being expedited. They said they are now waiting for records from the National Personnel Archive and Federal Archieve. Well one more ounce of proof is if they pull the perpetrators personnel record to see he was DEMOTED. They can destroy records all day, but if I learned anything at all it was make copies of everything. I have the basic MEO investigation copies from the investigation, the commanders letter from official govt email address talking about the events, I guess I have to prove a stressor. What else could I have to prove, HE WAS CHARGED WITH FOUR COUNTS OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT AND ONE COUNT OF DISCRIMINATION. I suffered through the harassment for one years time, then had to suffer through the investigation for a month and come home in complete shambles. The VA mental health doctors claim I have PTSD from MST. Hello? The VA cannot possibly be this bad with their claims process. I'm at 22 months. I'm fed up and I'm ready to start speaking out and I can assure these people that the last thing they are going to want to be out in the news is information regarding how bad my case truly was, and to what extent it got to. There was a point in 2006 that I began prostituting myself to put food on the table. I gave up my life, my self esteem was gone, I stopped caring about myself, my life, I almost killed myself at one point, I was in psychosis of the mind, hiding out in a hotel room afraid to death of anyone in uniform. I was afraid to even go to the VA for help or anyone else at that point because I was so mentally stressed and afraid and replaying the events, that I thought someone in uniform would come hurt me again. HELLO VA, IF YOU'RE READING THIS, I'm at my limit and I'm close to posting up information for the world to see about how you, the armed services, and the DOD handles PTSD cases for women and men raped and abused in the service. I LOST MY LIFE FOR 5 YEARS!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MSTANDFEDUP Posted January 3, 2010 Author Share Posted January 3, 2010 i'm getting off the topic cuz my OCD is setting in more severe and if i go back to events i start dissociating so im gonna leave it at this for today and come back to it later I've got some cleaning to do and also some paperwork to try to get through if i get lost in this paperwork ill be lost again mentally and i cant let it happen so ive gotta snap outta it today and do something else thanks for listening and the advice and sorry if im all over the place this is the first time im really going back to events fully Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MSTANDFEDUP Posted January 3, 2010 Author Share Posted January 3, 2010 Also health stuff to let anyone know who is interested my hiv test came back negative (first thought in my mind honestly w/ health probs) hep test good my cell counts good, liver, diabetes looked at -negative, only thing that's showing signs of something is my kidney and with PTSD what im reading is that kidneys can fail with prolonged PTSD so hopefully i dont go into kidney failure but in case i do im making sure the records are out there what happened i was thinking my kidney might have probs now because of all the wrong meds i was put on and off and then drinking coffee excessively and chain smoking i also had a few other things done and im compiling all of my health data a catscan that is neg of anything, a chest x ray no inflammation, blood work done and blood work done often over the past few years when i thought something was wrong with my physical health (i didnt know i had PTSD or the real severe impacts it has been causing on my health)... as a 30 year old female w/ no health conditions prior to i shouldnt be looking at possible kidney failure just 7 years later OCD can cause someone to worry about illness so i guess i was getting health tests done thinking something was wrong with me over the past years but it's good because my physical health actually does have something going on, blood cells in my urine, ongoing UTI's that are very severe, one lasted 6 months i gave up on the antibiotics because it kept coming back, i am showing all the signs now of possible kidney failure which after abusing myself in the aftermath and being on and off serious psychotics for skitzophrenia and bipolar when i had a PTSD/OCD/dissociation issue im a little upset. i realize reading that OCD can kick up someone to worry about illness, disaster, etc. and i followed all of the stuff untreated for years afterwards worried about things, went into survival mode, i can pin point it all what happens from a to z with this kind of disorder, i was hoarding survival supplies in the aftermath, it's all really sad and i hope i can recover both mentally and physically from the damage done. been organizing and collecting all of my medical docs from different places (i was off so i'd visit a hospital here or a doc there) and gathering them all up together so my health physicals make sense in case something happens to me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MSTANDFEDUP Posted January 3, 2010 Author Share Posted January 3, 2010 "Victims of sexual assault commonly experience both mental health and substance abuse problems (Stewart, 1996). PTSD is common in sexual assault survivors, but few studies have examined what differentiates victims with PTSD-only from those with PTSD and comorbid substance abuse problems. This talk uses data from a mail survey of a diverse sample of community-residing women in a large metropolitan area who had experienced adult sexual assault (N = 1,084) using standardized measures in a NIAAA-funded study (2003-2004). Four groups (N = 503) of victims: 1) PTSD-only, 2) PTSD and illicit drug use, 3) PTSD and drinking problems, or 4) PTSD and polysubstance use were compared using bivariate analyses. Victims with PTSD/polysubstance use had lower socioeconomic status, more extensive trauma histories, worse current psychological functioning, more problematic post-assault psychosocial experiences, and more sexual revictimization at follow-up than those with PTSD-only. Implications for future research will be discussed." I wouldn't say I'm a drug addict besides taking pharms but I def. have a duel addiction problem because of the OCD onset. I was using different things to cope with it on my own not knowing what was happening. I'm hoping a 12 step program might help with that and I'm starting it this coming week. The Coffee and caffeein pills I was taking also that is "speed" basically added to PTSD... I found a great article online about Vietnam Vets and this problem that sounded a lot like what I was going through, almost just like a meth user would "tweek out" is what was happening to me without the meth. Also the revictimization I feel like I was revictimized by the chain of command and then in the aftermath what I had to go through Im happy and positive I'm alive and I am a survivor and I am gonna get through this!!!! I think positivity can overcome anything negative and I've been to hell and back mentally. I'm kinda glad I caught this now and there is some chance of survival with the physical health problems... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MSTANDFEDUP Posted January 3, 2010 Author Share Posted January 3, 2010 One really important thing is that I don't want to be violent so I got myself away from my son when I realized that I wasn't right in the mind...I basically went into a like protective mode and kept myself away from him knowing I was off. I just kept dealing with the thoughts flying at me (violent thoughts I guess along with other things rapid flying thoughts, dissociation, etc. etc. etc.) so I figured out a way to protect myself and protect my child and everything else in the aftermath while i dealt w/ the whacko stuff that happened to my brain... i know in my heart that is not who i am so that has gotten me to this point i am at today. i think that because i was always a loving caring person this nasty illness that has onset can be overcame i hope i really hope. violence isnt really in my nature and the PTSD is what makes me get really anxiety crazy and i think if the anxiety can be handled and the OCD and other stuff can be worked through then i have some kinda chance at battling this horrible illness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carlie Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 since i was trained in special ops and got the sexual trauma, i chalk that up to me ending up with the comorbid and if i am not careful the anger could cause me to go postal so being aware is key and knowing myself....inside i was always a very peaceful person prior to .. MSTANDFEDUP, Welcome to Hadit. I fully understand the brain and emotions bouncing around. The term comorbid doesn't have to do with a more severe or a violent type of PTSD. The term Co-morbid means pertaining to two or more disorders simultaneously. Example: Patient has a diagnosis of PTSD that is comorbid with a diagnosis of OCD. If you can scan in (without personal info of name and SSA #, address, etc) the portions of Rating Decisions, as Wings suggested, the Reasons and Bases Section, then we will be more able to help with suggestions for your VBA Claims benefits. jmho, carlie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MSTANDFEDUP Posted January 3, 2010 Author Share Posted January 3, 2010 My first mental health hospital check in was after i had my son it was quite some time later for my first hospitalization...no one really knows why I did what I did but I had looked at my son and honestly i was so depressed and dissociating I was going to hit him but I pulled myself back and immediately (frantically actually) gave over custody and checked myself into a mental health hospital. I've gotten a lot of verbal slack (gossip) about my actions from fam/others who have no idea what i went through and why i checked myself into mental health....i was never honest with them either but i dont care what people say anymore... I knew in my heart that if I wanted to hit my child I wasn't right in the skull so I did what I had to do and kept him away from me. I love my child more then the entire world, he's my light in the darkness and mothers have this instinct i guess that is more powerful then anything else.... I was def. about to get violent and I quickly gave over custody and even tho i didnt know what was going on (now i do looking back) at the time, im glad i did what i had to do. I guess this is why they say the cycle of abuse and all those things because someone who has been abused has a high chance of abuse but i still think that positivitiy and the soul has got to be stronger then darkness and negative things u know? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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MSTANDFEDUP
I will try to make this as straight to the point as possible without triggering.
I have been patient and have waited over two years up until now without making a fus.
I've HAD IT. My case should be very cut and dry as I have a pile a mile high of evidence
to support my claim, however the VA denied.
(Air Force) In 2004 I was sexually harassed by my supervisor. The Military Equal Opportunity office
got involved and opened a case against him. After a one month investigation, he was
CHARGED with 4 counts of sexual harassment and one count of discrimination. He was then
DEMOTED in rank.
I then seperated from the military. Honerable Discharge.
Within 6 months, I went into severe mental stress, psychosis of the mind, due to trauma.
I checked myself into a mental health hospital and was there for 2 weeks. I had stopped
sleeping, had anxiety, flashbacks, was replaying the events again and again, the list goes
on and on.
Over the past 5 years, since the 2004 events, I've been homeless twice, I've been
unable to acquire gainful employment, I've been in and out of mental health and have
since finally in 2008!!!! received access to the VA for MST/PTSD mental health care (4 years
too late). Here is the series of events, and I swear that once I am finished with my claim
I will spend the rest of my life helping women and men who suffer from MST with their VA
claims. I am so upset at this point, today I am triggering all over the place and I'm finally
speaking up.
From 2003-2004 in active duty I was repeatedly harassed, threatened, the list goes on
and I don't want to get into personal details here about the assault by my supervisor.
I discharged in 2004, honerable
In 2005 I contacted the MEO office that held the MEO investigation into the harassment
and requested my documents per the FOIA (Freedom of Information Act). I have a copy
of this letter sent to them. In 2007 I received a letter back, stating the documents had been
destroyed. This was two years too late. I requested in 2005!!!! The letter told me to contact
the Secretary of Department of Defense and that under a 2 year clause the documents were to
be destroyed. I have a copy of this letter and have sent it to my claim file with the VA in 2007.
I also have a copy of the orginal claim statement from MEO during the investigation, I sent this
to the VA in 2007. (made copies at the time of the investigation, which goes over the harassment in detail,
times/dates/places, MEO investigated numerous other people who also confirmed the harassment before he was
charged with the crimes and demoted). I sent a copy of the investigation paperwork into
the VA when I opened my claim for PTSD/MST in 2007.
I spent 2005 until today in and out of mental health hospitals, clinics, etc. all of this documentation
has been sent to the va.
THE VA DOCTORS AT THE LOCAL VA CLAIM I HAVE MST/PTSD and rate me at 48% GAF SCORE.
Their own DOCTORS state that I have PTSD from MST.
I opened my VA claim in 2007 and I'm now at 22 months in waiting. It was first denied, and I sent
a notice of disagreement. It is now supposedly being "expedited" due to having ended up homeless
again. While staying at the homeless shelter, I had a fax sent into the VA claims stating that I was
homeless and in this shelter (letterhead from the shelter). This is when they said it would be expedited.
This was the second time I ended up homeless.
Now a few months have gone by and the VA telephone representatives say they have no record
of an original EXPRESS MAILED DOCUMENT that I sent in 2007 which contained 1) the MEO investigation
paperwork I had copies of 2) a letter from the acting commander at the time in which he talks about
the incidents in the letter. They said they have no record of that from 2007. So I then RE-SENT in
EXPRESS mail and registered mail AGAIN, copies of the same documents.
I finally got up the nerve yesterday to call the base where the events happened. As soon as I called
I triggered and began crying. I called the MEO office and asked about the case documents, again
was told there is no record anymore that they were possibly destroyed in 2005. I expressed my
feelings to this office and I'm now officially going to put in a written complaint to the base commander
about how the entire case was handled back in 2004, how fast it was swept under the carpet, and
how I should have immediately been placed into counseling/mental health treatment immediately
after the incidents occured and immediately after the MEO investigation. The investigation into the
harassment was as bad as the harassment itself. It was first turned on me, then after the month
went by, I was given an apology from the Wing Commander about how this sort of thing would
"never happen under his chain of command again". There is a zero tolerance policy alright, it's a zero
tolerance policy for anyone who SPEAKS UP about harassment/rape.
The VA says the claim is being expedited. They said they are now waiting for records from the
National Personnel Archive and Federal Archieve. Well one more ounce of proof is if they pull the
perpetrators personnel record to see he was DEMOTED.
They can destroy records all day, but if I learned anything at all it was make copies of everything.
I have the basic MEO investigation copies from the investigation, the commanders letter from official
govt email address talking about the events, I guess I have to prove a stressor. What else could
I have to prove, HE WAS CHARGED WITH FOUR COUNTS OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT AND ONE COUNT
OF DISCRIMINATION. I suffered through the harassment for one years time, then had to suffer
through the investigation for a month and come home in complete shambles. The VA mental health
doctors claim I have PTSD from MST.
Hello? The VA cannot possibly be this bad with their claims process. I'm at 22 months. I'm fed up
and I'm ready to start speaking out and I can assure these people that the last thing they are going
to want to be out in the news is information regarding how bad my case truly was, and to what extent
it got to. There was a point in 2006 that I began prostituting myself to put food on the table. I gave
up my life, my self esteem was gone, I stopped caring about myself, my life, I almost killed myself
at one point, I was in psychosis of the mind, hiding out in a hotel room afraid to death of anyone in
uniform. I was afraid to even go to the VA for help or anyone else at that point because I was so
mentally stressed and afraid and replaying the events, that I thought someone in uniform would come
hurt me again.
HELLO VA, IF YOU'RE READING THIS, I'm at my limit and I'm close to posting up information for the world
to see about how you, the armed services, and the DOD handles PTSD cases for women and men raped
and abused in the service.
I LOST MY LIFE FOR 5 YEARS!!!
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