ptsd Spartan3 - Ptsd Help For New Member

[Spartan3]

I have been referred to and have been accepted into the Batavia PTSD program (4 week program) and I am reporting there on june 5th 2012. I am already 60% disabled through the VA (30 % for PTSD and the rest for an injury I suffered from and IED explosion i survived). I have been unable to hold a job due to my SC disabilities and I have been barley able to survive, feed myself and pay my bills to keep a roof over my head with just living on what the VA pays me monthy at 60%. My Ptsd symptoms have gotten so bad that it is hard for me to even function normally anymore. I wish i could have my normal life back, and I wish I could actually work and make a living so that I didnt have to try to live off of $1,000 a month for the rest of my life. I have been going to outpatient treatment for the last 3 years since returning home from my last deployent to afghanistan, and over this past winter I put in a request for a raise in my disability rating. I'm hoping that my attendance at this 4 week program will help the VA see how badly I truly am affected by my PTSD and that they will help me survive, but most of all, I really hope this program helps me function more like a normal human being, liek the guy i used to be, i cant remember the lst time i Truly was happy, or truly smiled...seems like forever ago, im broken

[hedgey]

Spartan, hello and welcome to Hadit. You've found a great place for help and support and real information.

I went to Batavia a few years ago, sent by the VA therapist who first told me I had PTSD. I was a wreck, trying to absorb the idea that I was "sick", and my PTSD makes me isolate, isolate, isolate.

I wasn't able to go for the whole program, but they let me come for just three weeks... that was all I could manage and face being away from home and my bunker.

It was very helpful to me for a few reasons... One was that for the first time ever I met other vets with PTSD. I actually felt like I was among people who understood. I didn't have to try to fake being normal. Another good thing (though it sounds bad) I learned was just how bad I was, how severe my PTSD is. Most of the others talked about friends or groups they had back home. I realized how isolated I was. I had a couple of episodes.. panic attacks.. while there, and they were so good to me. No one made me feel like a freak.

It was hard, especially at first, because they don't let you isolate. They have a psychiatrist and therapists right there, so you always have someone to talk to, but they really make you try to be with the group. You will find yourself being helpful to others in your group, and that will help you feel better.

But mainly, like someone else said, it's a place to let your hair down and let it all hang out. They will be observing you, and they'll put in your notes just how hard it is for you. It's a safe place to be honest about how your PTSD is affecting you.

I wish I could say that I walked out all happy and cured, but that just didn't happen. But I've been repressing and concealing my PTSD for 25+ years. I really believe that getting help sooner, like you are, will really improve your prospects of getting it under your control, instead of it controlling you.

Best of luck. This is a good place to go. It's a very pretty place and summer will make it bloom and be even more beautiful.

[OutOfDarkness]

.... My Ptsd symptoms have gotten so bad that it is hard for me to even function normally anymore. I wish i could have my normal life back, and I wish I could actually work and make a living so that I didnt have to try to live off of $1,000 a month for the rest of my life. ....

Hi:

I know exactly where you are at. What you need to do is hang in there NOW, and deal with this as soon as possible. Things get different, better in some ways, but your old self won't return.

Don't do like I did, and put it off for over 40 years! That's a perscription for disaster. I went for decades not being able to hold a job, violence, broken marriage, became homeless for 10 years, until I finally got into the VA and started dealing with my shit.

What I am saying is; as hard as things seem to be now, they can improve. Your best chance of regaining some of the old you back is to deal with this as soon as you can and don't put it off even if you get discouraged.

Welcome home, and good luck.

[Spartan3]

thanks everyone...the Batavia program was beneficial for me in a few different ways and im glad I went there, im looking forward to going back someday. I was put in for an increase for my disabilities (im currently rated at 60 percent) and I was called by my VSO 2 weeks ago and was told i was approved for 100% PT...but i still havent received the "big brown envelope" in the mail, and now when I check my Ebenefits status it has moved BACKWARDS from "preparation for notification" to "pending decision approval"....i guess ill only belive I was awarded 100% when I actually get that letter in my hand and I actually get paid...and for some reason I just dont think its gong to happen with my luck, even after my VSO called me 2 weeks ago and said it was "approved" and that id be getting paid by tomarrow 5/1/2013..because guess what? Ebenefits shows no change in my percentage and my pay,ment for tomarrow will be teh same old 60% that ive already been recieveing...so actually getting this 100% just seems too good to be true...even after she called me and told me it was approved... oh, and i did file for SS disability, and I was denied.

Edited April 30, 2013 by Spartan3

[maset22]

Hi Spartan, glad that you found Hadit, also that The Betavia was beneficial, sometimes in a big system the right hand is out of step with the left. It will happened, please don't be down on yourself, you are more than a survivor, SSDI always denied your first filling, at least it seems that way. I was denied twice and the third time was awarded. Now that you have been denied, you can get a SSDI lawyer. Hang in there and don't give up.