Life After 100% Service Connection

[82airborne]

Well now that my claim is finished I'm trying to discharge my student loans so my credit will get better. The vocational rehab guy keep telling me about school. I might as well go to the prison and ask them to enroll MEE. At this point me and people do not mix. Also I don't want to commit to anything. Before I do anything I need to get my health together. I'm pretty much bleeding from time to time out of both ends. Yes. Old doc say my liver point is up most likely to being a alcoholic when I was in my twenties. I been avoiding all contact with unknown people. All I really want. It is not money for school but I just want my credit to get right where I can get a home loan then I pretty much want to disappear to the suburbs of California. Education I can read books. I have no desire to be around people. I walk with a cane every day. I see people looking at me then turning they head when i look they way. But not to stray from what I'm saying I put in for a school loan discharge so I will attempt on letting YALL know how it helps my credit if it do. So this is where I'm at now still going to the psych and medical doctors at the va. So my main goal is to pretty much disappear but not disappear from society.

[82airborne]

Hey YALL it's my birthday. 40 years old. Who would've thought I would make it this far. Yes if you notice its 2am. I been WOkin up from another nightmare. Oooooh well. Aye I wake up I see the darn grim reaper by my window. Then I fully wakes up and go smoke a CIGGY on the balcony. OOOH well. Thank GOD IM ALIVE TO SEE FORTY. I CANT LIE I THOUGHT I WOULD BE DEAD BY NOW. YES YES YES YES

[82airborne]

Well some how my Medicare and kaiser coverage been canceled and I'm about to run out of medicine. So I guess tomorrow I will be going to the va hospital for treatment. I wonder what would happen if I stopped taking my medicine. Ok with Prozac and prazosin I do seem to be MELOW but I don't really see it really helping me far as my mental issues. The prazosin seems like It only last for a couple days then I'm upping up my dose. Well I don't plan on stop taking MEDS. I'm just nervous going back to va. I was liking kaiser. OOOOH well maybe they will change my MEDS. To tell YALL the truth only thing that keeps me out of trouble is staying inside the house. Every mourning I wake up just about every two to three hours. I would love to be able to sleep the entire night. Man I swear every night is some type of messed up dream. I just don't understand. I go to bed about 9-10. Wake up about 5-6.i still wake up drowsy the whole day. Ooh yeah at night I'm hearing either gun shots or screams. im still seeing things when I wake up through the night. It seems like the shadows inside my room is like a ghost or something and at times it seems to move. :-/ Yes as you guess I'm trying to clear my mind so I can go to bed. Yeah I went to kaiser to pick up FLOUXETINE AND PRAZOSIN them jokers wanted over 600 dollars I was like umm let me call the office. I wonder why they stopped my coverage. OOOOH well my birthday came February 28 all really wanted was a non stick pan so I can make OMELETES Really I feel like a madman most of the time. Numb light headed dizzy sleepy doped mischievous depressed all at the same time. Well I won't be keeping you guys long. That's it for now just giving you guys a update and my credit report have not reflected my school loan discharges yet when it do I will tell YALL the outcome. Have a nice night

[63SIERRA]

well glad to hear you made 40. take it one day at a time. And u dont need to go to church right away, you can talk to God anytime. hes right next to you. That dude can fix anything, try it.

Edited March 4, 2014 by 63SIERRA

[82airborne]

well glad to hear you made 40. take it one day at a time. And u dont need to go to church right away, you can talk to God anytime. hes right next to you. That dude can fix anything, try it.

Yes indeed you are so right

[82airborne]

Well went to va psych. I'm back with my medicine I got a new medicine respiradone are something like that pretty much pschytzophrenic medicine. It supose to take my paranoid feeling away help me calm down. So with that being said I need to adjust to these new MEDS so if I Come on here a raging lunatics please forgive me I mean no harm. I will maintain lock down into my apartment until I get use to my new MEDS. They upped my dose of to 10 PRAZOSIN. SEE IF THIS STOPS MY NIGHTMARES. Who knows I'm just trying to get my life back In order. I'm just glad I decided to get help instead of thinking the way I was acting was regular. So I know I will probably be locked inside my room for at least another year. I will only be going to psych and doctors appointments. I'm glad they took me serious and decided to help me. Depression had my mind going a millions miles per hour with sick violent thoughts. What caused my depression being handicapped wondering how I was going to survive. At least being service connected took the edge off where I didn't have to go illegal just to survive. What's TRULLY sad is I don't think I can go hang with my childhood friends because of they friends. Don't know. Only if I could tell YALL what I tried to do to my friends friends last year. Why is people so curious. You don't go asking a grown man that you don't know personal questions. OOOH well another day down in my self made prison. You people have a blessed day!!!!

[82airborne]

Well I been taking risperedone. Only side affect I been having was very very dry mouth. I was feeling amped up my first day trying it. I have not had any conflicts for almost maybe a half of a year. I been pretty much isolated. I had to stop visiting my old neighborhood I only go to the store with my gal and doctor appointments. I'm going to try to keep taking this cotton mouth pill hopefully the side affects will go away. I hope I DONT trip ut later on but its KOOL I will be staying inside the house until I move to my next location. IM so so close to going to suburbia away from my troubles. I'm really finished being mr tough guy my only way to survival without having troubles is to get away from everybody. Oooooh well thus is where I'm at today. Actually last night was the only night I slept the entire night without waking up. So that's a good thing. I will date YALL on my feelings as the days go by.