Mh C&p Reeval

[cssamo]

I wasn't sure what to title this and where to put it.

timeline:

November 2011, rated 70 % SC for MH. Including PTSD, Bipolar, yadda yadda.

2011-Present time, Lots of counselings and changing of Meds.

About a month ago, I went to my regular physical doctor at VA. I told her that I still have suicidal thoughts. She made me see the counselor.

I talked to counselor in October, and she made an appointment for me on Nov 10, 2014. She said I can bring my wife if I wanted to, and I did.

We shot the bull and talked about how things were getting better for us, etc. I am trying to get back in shape and started walking/jogging a while back.

Also, I need to add, that my VA psychiatrist changed my drugs from one thing to Lithium. I told the counselor that I believe the drugs were a good thing, so far.

I noticed on my BlueButton MyHealtheVet, that she marked that I was doing better, etc, etc, etc.. Well, for one, I don't want to talk about all the bad stuff when my wife is sitting next to me. Because everything I say will be used against me (trust me).

I get a call this Monday, (17 November) from the C&P people. They said I need to come in for a C&P re-evaluation or a yearly evaluation for my MH claim.

19 November, I showed up at this C&P reevaluation, and the Dr. asked, Do you know why you are here? I said no ma'am. And she explained that the VA was making sure that I was being properly taken care of, and that my benefits didn't need to be bumped up.

When I was in the office with this Dr., my body felt like it was on fire. My chest started beating fast. My hands were shaking. I was crying, etc. She asked me to tell her what the following meant, "Don't Count your chickens before they hatch". I just repeated it like a fool like 5 or so times. I honestly believe that the new drug that they gave me started to kick in. She wanted to put me in the Mental Jail, But she kept asking me if I wanted to go there, but I told her, I prefer not. She said, what if I make you? I said, you got to do what you go to do, but I Prefer not.

Those people in the mental ward are literally crazy people. I'm depressed and act all weird, but I'm not "crazy" like some of those. In the mental ward, there was this one guy that kept shitting on everything. I'm not like that.

I'm glad that she seen me in my bad times, since it was a C&P exam.

But, I am so Scared that they are going to re-evaluate me and say that I don't deserve the 70% that I get. I already feel as though I am using the system, and it makes me feel really bad for having to "prove" my insanity. I wish I could go back in time and not ever go to the VA. I want life to be like it was before I went to Afghanistan in 2011.

Anyway, if these post are supposed to be in the form of a question,

What is the chances of them downgrading my % ?

[cssamo]

I joined the Marines in 1992.

After six active years in the Marine Infantry, I should have gone to the VA right away with back problems. But you only have one life, live and die. Maybe someone will learn from my mistake.

I joined the Guard, and after a couple deployments, I finally went to the VA after my last one.

Edited December 10, 2014 by cssamo

[cssamo]

My thoughts are this....the VA is there to help us Veteran's with our disabilities...Do we ever get better? Some situations sure...MH??? not so sure but if you are taking your medication and you are adjusting to life than isn't that worth it?

I want my mental health more than anything so I am taking full advantage of the VA's assistance....do I get better down the road??? I want to and I want to be able to not worry about my issues with my eating disorder/mental health issues due to my MST...

Where I am going with this is this....A lot of Veteran's rely on the "compensation" and don't focus on getting better....If you are truly getting better isn't that what it is all about?

I have been out for 18 years and was just s/c this year...I sure wish I had gotten the much needed help years ago....

Get the help you need for your mind/body/soul

I'm sorry about your MST, and other MH issues. Mine are bipolar, severe depression, anxiety, etc...

I am really embarrassed about many of the things I have done and said. somethings I do and say are inappropriate and uncalled for. It hurts my family more than it hurts me.. Sometimes I wish I were in a mental house all the time. i think i need structure.