Is it normal to feel like this?

[Andyman73]

Not sure how this relates to anything, but I have to get this off my chest,

November 21st is the 1yr anniversary of my dearly departed Father-in-Law.  It is also roughly the 2 yr anniversary of when I saved his life(even tho he died a year later anyway).  My problem is this, I feel like what I did (not heroic in any sense of the word) was treated as if I hadn't been there at all.  I had taken him for his weekly blood test, and was helping him back into the house, when he collapsed.  I was  able to keep him from hitting the garage floor, despite him being 5 inches taller and 45 lbs heavier.  Once I had him laid out I saw he wasn't breathing, and I remembered he had told me that he can't sleep laying flat because he can't catch his breath.  So I pulled him up in my lap, so his head and chest were elevated, and patted his cheek, after 20-25 seconds over all, he started breathing again.

My Mother-in-law is only 5'2", and would not have been able to catch him as he fell, nor would have been able to elevate his upper body, if she would have noticed him not breathing.

Since that time, the closest thing that she said that may come close to thanks, was "I don't know what I would have done with out you".  I've done as much as I could, over the past 10 years before, as his health began to decline.  My wife, she never even acknowledged that I did anything at all.  His siblings, same, they appreciate my being there for my M-I-L, over the time from that day, till his death a year later. 

Maybe it's just me, but maybe they never said thank you because he died anyway, and no body thinks I did anything...................maybe I didn't.

[TexasMarine]

Many families "might feel" like they "owe you something", so they don't express thanks as many other families do.  You obviously saved his life, giving him an additional year to "say his goodbyes", which he probably did not.  Not your fault.  Andyman did what Marines and other Servicemen and women do.  Good on you, and don't let the decent feeling you have (of accomplishment) be diminished because of your family's refusal to acknowledge your  heroism.

 

jmvho

TexasMarine

[Navy04]

Sorry you feel that way bud, and I get it totally. I was raised Mexican since I was a baby, and I come from a Family that never expressed emotion, say thank you, or even be proud of my 10 years of service. My dad thinks that PTSD is a made up word, and I am just crazy. At 33 it still bothers me, and we are currently had a falling out about 8 months ago, with no words since. My mother died when I was 14, and have no other living relatives except for a few siblings, and my Biological Father Raped my Mother, and boom me and my Twin were born. I feel so lost most days, as to where I came from and where I am going.

[Navy04]

Very first date I went on with my wife, she was almost 18 and I was 21. Well her 15 yr sister over dossed on Zanax in her bedroom. I run in there, Pick up her body and carry her into the living room. I perform CPR for a few minutes and bring her back to life. Called 911 and they took her to the hospital and pumped her stomach and she spent a few days in the hospital, and her mother sent her to a rehab for teenagers. I was not in the Military at the time, and boy what a first date. Here 13 years later, my wife and I are still together, her mother killed herself, and yet no one ever thanked me or even realized what I had done. There just seems to be a lot of crazy things that we go thru in life, yet somehow we make it thru the tough times, and as humans become ungrateful, and just don't Thank God as much as we should. You are a good person with a Big Heart and that is all that matters my Friend!!!

[Buck52]

Andyman

you should be proud of what you did , because you did the only thing you could have and it was the right thing to do  its hard to think in a situation like that  you and God Almighty knows what happen that day, some people just don't have empathy or show there gratitude for things like that  my mother -in-law is the worlds worst  so I can relate to how that makes you feel, I've dealt with things like that all my married life   I just learn to not let it bother me so much and just go on my way.

Look at this way maybe the people that didn't thank you for your good deed are just jelous because it was not them that save him.

so hold your head up high Buddy  you did good  and saving a life is the best thing anyone can do for another.

now if they die later and not from what happen that's  just the way things is...   no body knows when were going to die  dying is for all of us some day  we just don't know when that will happen no one does. 

Andyman  you should feel good about yourself for doing that and never let anyone make you feel bad for it.

 

I wanted to put this out there

if your not familiar with CPR go to your VAMC & sign up for the class its free and you never know when you may have to use those skills to save a life or a loved one.

[Berta]

Thank you Buck....I have mentioned CPR to many seniors I know over the years and posted here not long ago the new CPR video.

Mouth to mouth is not needed anymore.Just make sure the airway is cleared.

Andyman you did a very good thing!

My husband collapsed and then died as I administered CPR. The ALS unit thought he might still be revivable because he had not turned blue, but that was because when I realized he had died ( I still wasn't 100% sure though) I continued the breathing CPR technique and chest compressions ,so he still had oxygen in his system when the ambulance got here.

I did everything I could and that has given me peace since his death.

CPR is easier than it used to be. There is no possibility of catching something that the older mouth to mouth technique could have caused. I think Everyone should know how to do this.

This is a video from the American Heart Association on the new "Staying Alive" CPR.

http://cpr.heart.org/AHAECC/CPRAndECC/Programs/HandsOnlyCPR/UCM_473196_Hands-Only-CPR.jsp

By the way,it is always a good idea to have your DNR instructions and health care proxy available for your loved ones in the same file that contains your DD214 and other VA  info they will need when you pass.

My private doctor has a copy of mine. I don't know if VA requests this info from VA patients.

 

 

 

[Andyman73]

Thanks, Berta,  Buck, Navy04, and Texas Marine. I have never mentioned this to them, because I don't want them to say I owe them.    I only thought maybe an honest heart felt thank you wouldn't be too much to ask for, or expect, no reward or public mention.

After he passed, and I helped her move, and assembled metal storage shelves, for her,  m-i-l said she would have offered me money, but I had some unpaid debt to work off.  Apparantly she and my wife had some deal, and my labor was the repayment.  I never even asked for anything more than a drink of water, while working for her.  She's always buying the wife and kids clothes and taking them out...perhaps that's how I end up owing.  It certainly isn't because I ask for anything.  Been 12-14 years since I last made that mistake.  And that took over 5 years to work off.

I guess it's just my burden/cross to bear.