ptsd Am I on the right path?

[Dennis1989]

Hey everyone,

This is my first post on any site regarding the issues I deal with. Before I go on with my question I would like explain my situation. I am a former Infantryman with multiple, isolated, combat deployments that has lost many close friends. I have always swept my feelings to the side and told myself that I am strong enough to keep my issues to myself. I have done this for a few years now and it has gotten extremely painful.

I have left jobs to have new beginnings so that I could attempt friendships again. It isn't that I am mean to anyone or disrespectful what so ever, Its that I am so uncomfortable in my own skin I always feel awkward. I am so impatient with every thing in my life, even my wife when all she wants is for me to put forth an effort towards getting things ready for our unborn son. I try to interest myself in things but all it does is result in me pretending to care. I feel so disconnected from every thing that I don't know what to do any more. I moved across the country for a new start at life and I am constantly depressed, anxious and unable to keep relationships. When I go outside and I make contact with a neighbor my heart sinks and I don't know how to react... I end up waving, putting on a fake smile and than for an hour I think about how uncomfortable it was and that I hope they aren't outside when I come back home. I can't put a title on what my issues are but it's so uncomfortable. I don't know if it is PTSD or what but this is not how I was before the Military. Sorry to rant.

I am currently seeking attention from the VA but its taking a while. I made my claim for combat- related PTSD with hopes that the VA would schedule my appointments. (I have never done anything like this so if I am wrong please don't crucify me). The steps I have taken are as follows:

1. Claim has been made through E-Benefits with my DD- 214 attached including "combat/ time in country/ etc."

2. My claim has been accepted and a "development letter" has been sent out.

3. I scheduled an appointment with a civilian LPC therapist. That is later this week.

I have read on many sites that with a Combat Infantryman Badge, proof of a "nexus" and a Diagnosis of PTSD, the claim is usually OK. My question is, am I taking the correct steps for a successful claim? What else should I do?

Thank you guys in advance.

[Navy04]

Sorry to hear of your hard times. Good luck, Keep us posted, and God Bless

[Sgt. Wilky]

If you haven't already, go the PTSD forum and read as much as you can. I was diagnosed with PTSD by the C & P exam, and from what I can tell you, just be honest about everything. Even if it makes you cry. Don't try to "force" yourself to control your emotions i.e. grab your knees so that your hands don't shake. They need to see the sympathetic responses. Give as much detail as you can and make them tell you when to stop. Also, do NOT let the examiner dwell on life before the service. I've been reading that some examiners like to try to establish a PTSD connection to something that didn't happen in service. My exam wasn't like that, but I covered that ground for him.

Do as much research as you can on this topic. This site is chock full of information. Yes, you are struggling and you need help, but it's up to you to learn the processes and there are many resources available to help you win your claim! Best wishes!

Semper Fi,

Sgt. Wilky

[Dennis1989]

Thanks to all of you guys that have taken the time to post your detailed responses to my topic. I have received my letter from the VA in the mail. (Record time)...

Now I am left curious, concerned and a little confused. Many of you have said don't go to your C&P exam without a diagnoses, and SGT Wilky has said that they determined his level of PTS *At that very exam*. I understand that every one has different experiences.. My good friend, former marine, has gone to this VA with *just the C&P exam*, where he was diagnosed and received his award letter with his diagnoses (never seen a % before) under 30 days later. What do you guys think? I better be there, right? Should I cancel and wait for my diagnosis? Thanks in advance.

I also have another question. I am simply a combat veteran, that deals with constant company of extreme anxiety, depression and feelings of disconnect. When I say disconnect, I mean it and have created a way to explain it to my wife, as she prays I get help. Have you ever been driving home from work and realized "How long have I been staring into those tail lights ahead of me? Has anyone noticed my driving? How the hell have I not gone off the road? I swear I was sleeping and I need to come back to." That is what I feel constantly, with every situation. I put myself in environments like amusement parks to test myself and focus on having fun, blank. I play video games because I think I have fun. At least I know I used to enjoy them and my friends at work say they like them. I can't decide what music soothes me because I feel alone when I listen to it and something isn't right. ever .It. goes. on. and. on.

What I am meaning to ask is- I don't want to anticipate this appointment and get turned away because I am too nervous or trying to hard. I want to go and talk about my problems. Will that be enough? I am numb, I speak about the things I have seen and don't blink. It hurts, emotionally. I feel like I am in a competition and I need to cheese D*ck my way into what I believe, I am entitled.

I hope this post isn't offensive or stupid to you. Thank you for posting.

[R3dneck]

Dennis thank you for your service.

 

 Go to your c&p and tell the examiner what you've told us.

If you feel like you need to see someone before then you can walk in your local va facility and tell them you NEED to speak to someone NOW. They have to put you in with someone. You may have to wait a bit in the waiting room but at least you'll get to see someone.

If your symptoms are severe and you feel your a danger to yourself or anyone else please go to the nearest ER.

 

Hang in there brother were all family here YOU ARE NOT ALONE. 

 

[TALON II FE]

Because the VA does not accept a PTSD diagnosis from anyone but their docs, they take the onus of making that diagnosis.  I was diagnosed while still on AD by AD docs, but that carried no weight.  Regardless, I did not EVER see a VA MH doc to this day.  My C&P exam was by a contractor, but she confirmed/made my diagnosis, 70% PTSD.  They will diagnose as part of your C&P for MH, not for any other conditions unless you get really lucky.  GO TO YOUR APPOINTMENT!  There is no surer way to get denied then to miss a VA appointment!

Edited December 8, 2015 by TALON II FE

[Dennis1989]

Thanks again for the caring responses every body. This website is great and really makes a difference. Even someone understanding my pain, reminding me that everyone here is a family and that I'm definitely not alone, is incredible.

All day, I have anticipated my C&P exam next Monday morning and have tried understanding the best way to approach it. I have been researching this topic for a while now and quite a few people have said to cry and use your hands. I don't do those things. Those "feelings" are gone, the feelings of crying or spending the energy to enhance a story. Like I said, numb.

I am nervous and some what relieved that I finally get to explain to a professional, my problems. Whether they have ever felt the emotional abuse I have or not, I hope they are able to connect in some type of way they learned in college. I feel very anxious like I need to somehow impress this person. I feel like the examiner is going to say, "tell me why you feel that you deserve compensation for your so called, issues.". I want to answer questions, not run the show. What ever, I am just rambling.

I have decided on which display I want to make during my examination and it is simply, to tell my story, using my experiences and my personality.

So to you guys, I would like to share a few of the things that started all of this. I will keep them extremely short and easy to understand.

1. 3 great soldiers/ friends in my platoon were killed due to a dismounted IED during a platoon movement.

2. My tent was mortared by my company mortar team killing my supply sergeant to the bunk next to mine.

3. My interpreter stepped on a pressure plate, he was killed immediately.

4. During a routine sunrise firefight, my Soldier was shot in the arm making an attempt to get rockets out of a MAT-V.

5. I was marking targets for a squad leader when I had reached for more colored 40MM... he smoked me with the back blast from an AT-4. I came to in a cloud of smoke and during refit at the COP I requested a TBI exam by Doc and was told it's not priority.

6. There was a father and young daughter lying, in a puddle of blood, dead on my medics front wood slab. It was normal that injured locals were brought to our small outpost in wheel barrels, truck beds, etc.

7. Day to day basis, at a squad level, living in a small mud hut, in a compound, we fought any where from 3- 10 times a day. Good, solid, close, firefights. The type that give you a spike of adrenaline that you can't even find jumping out of an airplane during a high altitude jump.

I apologize for ranting and in a way venting but I feel slightly better. That was deployment # 1, very isolated 12 months.

My question to every one would be: From the experiences and emotions I share, what percentage category would I fall under? The majority of my close buddies have been diagnosed at 70%. I believe those men deserve much more but that's just me.

Thank you for reading.