ptsd Spouse's Ptsd - Wants To File Claim Trigger

[hedgey]

I think I've said before here that my husband has been showing symptoms of PTSD for as long as I've known him. He was in a serious MVA back in 1972 where his vehicle blew a tire, hit a bridge support, rolled 3 times and caught fire. While he amazingly remained conscious, (he thinks), he wasn't able to get his seatbelt off and was by a miracle, pulled out of the vehicle by a couple fellow soldiers who saw the accident (I've read the police report).

He remembers a lot of the accident, including the point when the guy grabbed his arm to pull him and the skin on my husband's arm came off like a sleeve.

He had 3rd degree, 2nd degree burns. His arms, hands, the back of his head and his ears... he was only 23. He was at Brooke Army Medical Center Burn unit for months, until they suddenly discharged him because of a school bus accident where the bus had burned.

He suffered horribly while being treated, watched guys in the next beds die of their burns, watched burned children being wheeled in. He is SC'd for the injuries from the accident, 80% for scars and his shoulder (burned down to bone, cartilage loss, I think. There's a pin or metal stick in there, holding things together).

Sorry, maybe it's not important to tell what he's been through, but I can't believe he's walking around and that I'm lucky enough to have found him. He's quirky, and scary sometimes, but I love him dearly.

I knew when I met him that he wasn't okay, but that he believed he was 'doing just fine'. The fact that he didn't have a social circle suited me very well, and it took 3 years for the two of us to get together and become a couple. We laugh and say we make a good pair.

ANYWAY, he's suddenly agreed that maybe he needs a little help. Or a lot of help. He has an appointment to meet with a VA therapist for the first time in a couple weeks. He's scared, and I'm not sure of the best way to help him.

He says his goal is to file a claim. I think he's saying that because it gives him a goal that doesn't actually come right out and say that he personally needs help. Does that make sense?

Guys, what would you want from your wife here? I'm trying not to hover and mother hen him, I don't think that's what he wants. He's never been violent with me or our daughter, but he has a volcanic quality, but he definitely lets me know when I'm getting too close.

I don't know what to do, really. I want to encourage him to allow help to come near him, but if he wants to focus on the claim, okay. How do I help him with that?

He's struggling with this, I can see it.

[hedgey]

I forgot to clarify, too, that our "child" is 23 years old. My DH is a legally adopted Daddy.