PTSD-MST Treatment(s)

[MKAH]

Good evening everyone,

Since November of 2015, I have been getting treatment from my local outpatient medical clinic for PTSD-MST which occurred in 1984 and I finally told my wife and VA doctor about mid November 2015.  (yes, raped by men - and I finally have a claim submitted).

Since November 2015 I have been getting EMDR therapy, frequent psychotherapy counseling and a variety of medications.  I am currently taking 200MG 1X day Sertraline (Zoloft), 2MG Prazosin X2 day, 10MG Ambien at bedtime.  I have been so psychologically jacked up, that my last day at work at a big box retail store manager, was 1/4/2016 and I am currently on state disability for PTSD. 

Strangely, my emotional state and psychological condition seems to have gotten worse in spite of the best efforts of my frequent treatment and medication.  I am now 57 years old and feel as though I have little to ZERO hope in being a productive, contributing and respected member of society anytime EVER.  Since 1984, I have tried an unimaginable variety of things to deal with this problem, none of which had any long term positive result.  I feel drained, empty, lifeless. 

My VA doctors have explained to me numerous times, that my feelings are normal and I will feel worse before I feel better.  I don't want to disappoint them but I feel so terrible.

Can someone please give me an idea how long it takes to actually start feeling alive and useful again?

Thank you so much....

 

Mark
Combat Medic 1983-1986
1/94 FA C-BTY MLRS West Germany

 

 

Edited April 1, 2016 by MKAH

[MKAH]

On 4/3/2016 at 5:53 PM, TALON II FE said:

MKAH,

  What do you do now?  I already know; not much, right? 
I have not worked this year at all.

Until January, how many hours a week were you working?  Big Box Manager, on Salary, my guess is around 60-70 hours a week, right? 3-6 hours of sleep a night? 
Exactly, you know the drill.  I went from nearly 100K per year to 1600 bucks a month on disability.

 

Brother, you were doing what I did on AD for 10 years, what I would wager most people suffering from PTSD do, you buried yourself in your work.  You kept your mind in overdrive, busy with 'immediate' issues until there was no time left over for you to think about any of this much, more important things to do, deadlines and people depending on you, etc.  I think that this is how some of us deal with PTSD, others differently, but that is how I did.

I am not an MST survivor, I have good ol' fashioned PTSD, though complex.  It really doesn't matter as much with the symptoms as you would think.  Some may be more aggressive or fearful, but that doesn't matter on the cause as much as the individual (IMO).  I completely IMPLODED when I went off of Active Duty and was not spending 16 hours at work or transiting to-and-from 6 days a week.  Work hard, play hard, right?  I was very lucky to survive my four months of Terminal Leave and continued to get worse for another 6 months.  I did not go into treatment until around then, at least a year after being diagnosed on AD with what amounted to no treatment at all.  I hate to say it, but you may still have a way to go before you start seeing the 'other side'.  Make sure the people around you, especially your wife, educate themselves as well.  Once my wife FINALLY started reading up on things, and getting some support of her own, things started getting better around the house, triggered less, etc.  Things are by no means perfect, but it helps.
When I left the Army back in 1986, I also took terminal leave.

  I also do EMDR therapy (It wears you out, doesn't it?  Tired after?  Drained?) and I have been told it has a 90+% chance of improving our condition, though it is not very well known, and most of that data is based on Viet Nam Vets in private treatment, so older traumas.  The VA only approved use of EMDR for PTSD in the last couple years, but it has been used in the private sector for over 20 years.  One problem with EMDR is that Benzo Drugs interfere with it's effectiveness, so I don't know if your meds may cause slower progress or not.  You need to weigh the benefits of the meds vs the increased benefit from treatment.  I have been going without meds (except some marijuana), for over a year, but I am getting to the point that I am realizing that I can't keep going without meds or I cannot leave my house, I am too afraid I will hurt or kill someone.  SO...I am NOT advocating you quit your meds, but you may want to discuss it with your treatment team and see if you can find a balance that works for you and maximizes your treatment.
This is my immediate concern, hurting or killing someone during the act of taking my own life.  I have put hour and hours of thought into this.

Hope this is helpful...

Yes, speaking with other people in the same boat or a similar boat is very encouraging.  Thank you.

 

[Tbird]

i'm glad it helped and i'm glad you are moving forward with care. keep us posted.

[MKAH]

I am waiting on a phone call right now... Thank you Tbird

[Navy4life]

I am currently under therapy for my MST trauma.  Until 2014, I couldn't even talk about it.  I got pregnant and lost the child and continued to hide my feelings and suppressed it for decades.  NO ONE can tell you a timeline as to when you will feel better.  I can tell you that I have been in active weekly therapy, and trust me there were days I didn't want to go but I dragged my ASS there and I always felt better when I walked out of her office.  She also sees me for my BDD and my eating disorder.  Yep I have a lot of issues.

I would say to you this, get yourself into therapy.  Make sure you are communicating with your wife and therapist.  You have to be honest with them.  If you don't want to "open" up at first that is okay.  Take baby steps.  

You got this!

God Bless!!!

[MKAH]

Hello everyone,

First of all, I wanted to thank everyone for the great advice and comments.  But most importantly, I wanted to mention a life saving chat session I had with "TBird"  on this website early this month.  I chatted with TBird at a time of "extreme crisis"  I was having.  She made me feel comfortable, calmed me down, chatted with me about my needs and then provided me with both the VA Crisis Line chat URL and phone number.  We chatted for quite a while, but she encouraged me to contact the Crisis people right away.

Minutes after my online chat with  TBird, I online chatted with the VA Crisis people for about ten or twenty minutes.  They asked for my phone number which provided and the chat person stayed online with me until I was I immediately called on my cell phone by a Crisis line operator. After a about five minutes of discussion, I was asked if wanted to be transported by a family member, an ambulance,  police car, VA shuttle or any other means to the Mather Hospital BH-ICU unit, located in Sacramento California.  I remember her name as Susan and she asked to speak with my wife after I woke her up, to confirm I had transportation.   She explained that it was imperative that I see someone as soon as possible and that she would call in fifteen minutes to ensure I was on my way.  She did in fact call as me and my wife were leaving the house.

I called Dr. Seeger at my local VA ti make sure she concurred with this treatment plan... which she immediately said yes....go right away.

After reaching Mather VA hospital, I was immediately admitted to the BH-ICU (Behavioral Health ICU - Lock Down unit) for extreme PTSD-MTS with a friendly police escort.  I received round the clock
EXPERT CARE for seven full days.  After six days I wrote and submitted a development plan for myself which asked for permission to return home which was approved after multiple interviews and meetings.  I just returned home about six hours ago, listed as high risk PTSD, however low risk S, I now which was not the certainly not the case when admitted.  

The VA BH-ICU doctors have submitted applications for me to go to long term specific PTSD-MST facilities in Virginia, Kentucky, Denver and several other out of state programs for long term care. With treatment duration's ranging from thirty days to six months, depending on progress.  The VA will also be flying me to and from the treatment center ultimately chosen which should happen in about two weeks.

I am so tired right now,m but I wanted to mention a few things that need to be said.

#1) TBird, thank you...you saved my life.

#2) Crisis Line Chat and Live, you saved my life.

#3) BH-ICU Mather California Staff -everyone-), you saved my life with incredible psychiatric treatment, very frequent group and one on one meetings. Also the organized ongoing out of state treatment to fix this thirty year problem I have suffered with.  Dr. Salter, Dr. Summers: You are extraordinary by any measure.  OMG, what else can a person as for?

#4) My Local VA BH department, for consistently awesome support, treatment, medication, direct contact numbers and weekly guidance.  Another life saving

#5) Hadit.com Admins and users, thank you for your support and kind messages.  I have missed you all.

#6) Lastly, the Inpatient Vets I met in the BH-ICU which many still remained for further expert treatment.  Those courageous men and women provided me with many important things.  Tears, laughs, hugs, handshakes, card games, even musical entertainment. You name it....we shared and experienced it together.  I will NEVER EVER forget this time in my life or the fine dedicated people I met.  Thank you Soldiers, Airmen and Marines!

I gotta go to bed now, I'm bushed.   :)

 

Respectfully

Mark Nicholson

PS, sorry for the bad spelling and grammar, its been a tough but very productive week.

 

 

 

 

[Tbird]

You are so welcome. I'm glad I could be there for you. It sounds like it really helped and you are on the road to get the help you need and deserve. I'm sending you a hug and nothing but good thoughts. Remember you are not alone and we want you around for a long time. Keep us posted on your progress.