My Husband Died On Nov 26th

[KHJH]

My husband passed away on Nov 26th. We buried him on Thursday.

He was only 58 years old.

He was in the hospital 5 times in the last month and half for kidney failure.

This last time they were getting ready to start dialysis and he went into cardiac arrest and died.

I keep thinking why didn't they do dialysis the 3rd or 4th time why wait until the 5th time. Maybe I should have took him somewhere else.

Everyone left today and I'm by myself for the first time. I don't know what to do with myself. I walk from one room to the other just looking at his stuff. I feel like beating my head against the wall.

Kathy

[Josephine]

Kathy,

I am so sorry for your loss and my prayers are with you.

As always,

God Bless,

Josephine

Edited December 4, 2006 by Josephine

[Cavman]

Kathy:

I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts.

Cavman

[Rich T]

Kathy;

Your deep pain is felt by all of us who read your sorrow. Please tell your friends, family, or clergy how you feel. Sometimes they may sit in silence and sometimes they may offer some special words of comfort and care. The Lord is a loving God who hears your plea. It is at times like this that He can speak special words to your heart that will give you assurance through His Holy Spirit of His life beyond and the promises He has for you.

Allow me to pray with you. "Holy Father, we thank you that we have the right to approach your throne of grace through the blood of Our Lord Jesus Christ. Lord I come to you for our sister who is in such pain at this time. Lord please give her comfort from your Holy Spirit that will pass all understanding of the human heart. Father your promises have always been true. You have promised that you will never leave us, or forsake us. We trust you are now gently touching Kathy's life with your promises. Please keep her safe and provide strength that is not available from any other source. Give her a measure of Grace and Mercy that will sustain her through these days of such unfathomable stinging. Lord You had the Apostle Paul tell us through your scripture in I Corinthians 15 ‘Death has been swallowed up in victory. Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?’ and later Paul told us… ‘But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.’ Thank you Lord for Your gift of scripture and the comfort that You have made available to us who believe by trusting in Your Word. At The Name of Jesus every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. It is in His name that we pray, Amen

[LizR]

Kathy ; if you do not mind sharing where you live maybe someone from here can keep you company so you wont be so alone and you can have someone to talk to in person. It is hard around the holidays...Just a thought...Liz

[Tbird]

My husband passed away on Nov 26th. We buried him on Thursday.

He was only 58 years old.

He was in the hospital 5 times in the last month and half for kidney failure.

This last time they were getting ready to start dialysis and he went into cardiac arrest and died.

I keep thinking why didn't they do dialysis the 3rd or 4th time why wait until the 5th time. Maybe I should have took him somewhere else.

Everyone left today and I'm by myself for the first time. I don't know what to do with myself. I walk from one room to the other just looking at his stuff. I feel like beating my head against the wall.

Kathy

my heart goes out to you. it is so difficult and grief came seem overwhelming, you have to walk though it the best you can, one foot in front of other, day by day, sometimes minute by minute it is diffiuclt and it well seem at times that is impossible, it is not Kathy you can do this one day at a time.

try as hard as you can not to spend to much time alone...it's difficult, I know but i do believe it will assist you. if the grief is to much for you to carry, get a counselor who can help you with the grief.

above all be gentle to yourself and know we are here for you.

[Berta]

I am so sorry for your loss-

I know what you mean-a sudden death just seems to make time stand still-this sounds like it was very unexpected---

I remember I actually wondered, at the funeral service- where the heck Rod was---all of his buddies were there- his VA shrink and some of the VA counsellors, and even his best friend from Vietnam were all there----

Of course he was there -in a little cremains box at the front of the Chapel.He died very suddenly.

I made him a cup coffee every morning-from habit- for a long long time after he died. An unexpected death is very difficult to accept. But we do begin to accept it.

You said:

"I keep thinking why didn't they do dialysis the 3rd or 4th time why wait until the 5th time."

I am wondering that too. Was this a VA hospital?

Was he being treated for some time for renal disease by the VA?

If he had a claim pending for SC you have to re-open this claim formally in your name for any potential accrued benefits.

I suggest you get a vet rep to help you- and file a DIC claim on 21-526.

The VA web site has the form too- about 20 or more pages to print out.

You will need a certified copy of the death certificate, an autopsy report if that was done, marriage license etc-unless they already have it.

BUT even BEFORE you do that- you should request all of his VA medical records from the Records access officer and send the request to the last VAMC that treated him.

When I did this many years ago- I had no problem-but when I asked for some better copies of a few VA medical records I could not read 2 years ago- I had to send them a whole lot of stuff to prove I was next of kin etc.

Even though they knew it. Those few medical records were critical to my present claim.I don't think you will have this problem-but you might have to send the Records Access Officer some proof of who you are and proof that the veteran died (the death certificate).Hope this all has not become a rigamorale for widows of vets to get the records of their spouse.

When you get the medical records-I strongly suggest that you consider getting get a independent medical opinion-

this might be costly---however-

this looks like -if the VA treated him, was aware of his renal disease, and they took over a month to give him dialysis-they might be liable for his death.But perhaps they did all they could-

I know you are wondering about why this happened and I sure am-too-

Then ,depending on an IMO-on the VA DIC form you can claim direct service connected death (if there is any potential way that any SC disability he had caused his death-and a good medical opinion should cover that aspect of his death too-) and you can also claim death due to VA medical care under Section 1151 if the IMO doctor sees that something was not medically appropriate here.

At least , even if the VA was not at fault-you would know -and the IMO doctor might be able to support a direct SC claim for DIC.

The admission and discharge certificates as well as the final hospital records and the blood chem work are critical to your claim. You need all of the records but make sure they send you those most recent copies that are easy to read and not cut off by the copy machine.

Was he an incountry AO Vietnam vet? did he have diabetes mellitus? Was the renal disease due to his diabetes?

Some types of kidney disease have a known association to diabetes.

VA knows this too.