Well Dang

[free_spirit_etc]

I checked on the status of my the claim for burial benefits. Got an IRIS back that they had received it and are processing it. Got a call today to let me know they can't find it. I have to send another one.

Poor guy - He couldn't get his teeth fixed (one time dental treatment they lost in the shuffle and never approved), couldn't get his C-file, couldn't get his discharge physical, couldn't get them to acknowledge what his actual claim for cancer was, couldn't get his Service Connection - and now he's still having a heck of a time getting the VA to chip in $600 toward his $10,000 burial.

Free

[Philip Rogers]

Ruby - cremation is not expensive. Anyone being charged more than $1250 is being ripped off by the funeral director. What costs are all those extra expenses or add-ons, that we purchase out of guilt, such as embalming, calling hrs, casket, etc. Funeral Directors know this and that's why they do it. A direct cremation is the least expensive and shouldn't cost more than $1250 at best.

pr

[john999]

How much will the VA pay for the burial for a SC death? I know it is not 10,000 bucks.

[Guest Vietnam Tanker]

John999, the VA will pay $600 toward the cost of a funeral.

Free, Rest assured you did the right thing and I for one respect you for standing by your veteran and for honoring him the way you felt was right. GOD Bless him and YOU.

[free_spirit_etc]

http://www.vba.va.gov/bln/21/topics/indigent/index.htm

What is the purpose of VA burial benefits?

VA burial benefits help to offset the costs of the veteran's burial, funeral, and plot-interment.

How much does VA pay?

Service-Related Deaths. If a military service-related injury or disease caused the veteran's death, VA will pay up to $2,000 toward burial expenses. If the veteran is buried in a VA national cemetery, some or all of the costs for transporting the veteran's remains may be reimbursed.

Certain Non Service-Related Deaths. VA will pay up to $300 toward burial and funeral expenses, and $300 as a plot-interment allowance. If the veteran died in a VA hospital or under VA contracted home care, some or all of the costs for transporting the deceased's remains may be reimbursed.

What are the eligibility criteria for non service-related death benefits?

The veteran was receiving VA compensation or pension at the time of death, OR

The veteran was entitled to receive VA compensation or but decided not to reduce his/her military retirement or disability pay, OR

The veteran died in a VA hospital or while in a nursing home under VA contract, or while in an approved state nursing home, OR

There is no next of kin or other person claiming the remains of the veteran, and there are not available sufficient resources to cover burial and funeral costs, and the veteran served honorably in the U.S. Armed Forces during any war or was discharged from the military because of a service-connected disability.

So they pay $2000 for a Service Connected Death and $600 for a Non-Service Connected death for burial in a Private Cemetary - if the vet was recieving Compensation or Pension at the time of their death, or died in a VA facility.

(My husband's cause of death has not been SC'd yet).

If buried in a National Cemetary, the veteran's family does not pay for the plot, the vault, or the grave opening or closing. (The $600 for a private cemetary is supposed to offset SOME of these costs - but they costs are somewhat greater than $600 no matter what kind of "deals" you get on these). Even if buried in a National Cemetary the veteran's family covers the cost of transportation from the place of death to the funeral home, transportation to the cemetary, "preparation of the remains," any visitation or funeral service, certified copies of the death certificate, somewhere in the range of $100 to $150 to have an obituary published - all kinds of things.

So they kind of have you pick out things bit by bit - and then add all those up and add in all the other "standard charges."

So burial in a National Cemetary isn't neccessarily free unless you throw their dead body in your own car, and drive them out to the cemetary yourself, and convince them to bypass the casket and put them directly in the vault.

The VA also provides a free grave marker, and places it for free in a National Cemetary. In a Private Cemetary, the family pays the cost for "setting the marker" and the cost of any granite or concrete base the cemetary requires to set it on. You can't just lay your free marker directly on the ground yourself.

Of course you always have to option of direct creamation, and the option of leaving a grave in the private cemetary unmarked - and save lots of money.

Those are choices that each person has to make.

Also, the National Cemetary doesn't "save a spot" for the spouse. The spouse can be buried in the National Cemetary (and still can, even if the veteran was buried in a private cemetary) but the spots are filled in the National Cemetary on the basis of "who is next?" The next person buried there gets the next spot. it is not saved for your spouse.

Thank you Tanker for your kind words. My husband DESERVED every BIT of honor he got - and then some. He was a tremendous person!

I know his father would have honored my choice to have my husband buried in a National Cemetary that would have saved several thousand dollars.

But my husband had no preference as to where he was buried. I had no preference in regard to the National Cemetary and the Private Cemetary - as in I felt no need to bury him in a National Cemetary as a way of "honoring" him. The choice would have been based more on economics. The upside was it would have saved money. The downside was I knew his father wanted to "take him home."

Though his father didn't actually pressure me one way or another, I was fully aware of what his wishes were. And as his wish to take his son "home" trumped any need I had to try to keep the expenses down a bit - I honored his father's wishes - a decision my husband would be proud that I made - because it was a choice that honored BOTH my husband AND his father - and COST me nothing, except for some money.

Free

John999, the VA will pay $600 toward the cost of a funeral.

Free, Rest assured you did the right thing and I for one respect you for standing by your veteran and for honoring him the way you felt was right. GOD Bless him and YOU.

[free_spirit_etc]

Thank you Ruby.

You make a very good point about the final arrangements being for those still living.

I knew before my husband died that I wouldn't go the route of creamation. Neither my husband or I had any preference in regard of creamation or burial - but I realized his family was horrifed at the thought to creamation.

I, personally, don't think that the thought of having my body burned is any more horried than the thought of being preserved forever and stuck in the ground.

As for me, I wouldn't mind being a cadaver - and letting medical science get some use my body when I don't need it any more.

But, as I have no strong preference as to what they do to me when I have moved on, I will not put the struggle on my survivors that they have to do anything in particular to please me - and leave it to them to decide what THEY need to do, with the knowledge that whatever they decide will please me.

As my husband's father had danced all around any topic on creamation - and as his daughter had alredy told me the struggle she was having over her mother preplanning a creamation, and how though she was horrifed by the thought of creamating her mother, but that she would "honor her mother's choice" (but wished she knew if her mother had made it because she really wanted to be creamated, or if her mother was just looking for a way to save money) - the choice of creamation for my husband is a choice I took off the table early, in respect to the feelings for the rest of the family.

Likewise, my father has signficant issues with creamation. If I were to die prior to my father, there is no way I would want to put him through the struggle of trying to decide whether to creamate me (because I made that choice on the basis of "saving THEM money") or whether to bury me as he would prefer.

When a person dies - there are many people they left behind whose feeling have to be considered.

And sometimes those feelings are very strong.

Even though my husband's daughter was being a real brat throughout the whole funeral planning process - there was no way I was going to tell her "Nope. I am sticking your father in the cheapest casket I can find no matter how strongly YOU feel about getting him a nice casket as his "final home" - deal with it.

There are many people involved - and each person's feelings DO matter. In my case, I tried to honor the feelings of EACH person that my husband dearly loved. It didn't matter to me what some people thought I should do. But I honored the wishes of each person whose feelings would have mattered to my husband.

Free

Free,

I am sorry for your loss. I am sorry you feel you have to defend your actions, you don't. Some people don't understand what it cost now a days for a funeral of any type. Cremation is expensive also.

Being put through my Mom's, Dad's and my brothers funeral with minimal help as no one wanted to do it. You do the best you can under the circumstances.

If you honored your husbands request and you did what you felt was right, then you did the right thing.

Funerals are for the living and not for those that past on. You do what makes you say in the future I don't regret what I did. Sure anything can be done differently in hindsight.

It's the what ifs, or I should have, or I wish I had or I wish I didn't, that's what bothers people. So as long as your ok with what you did no matter what it cost then you did the right thing.

Because I believe funerals are for the living to grieve, I am not preparing my funeral, my daughter will do what makes her feel comfortable and she can live her life knowing its OK. She has to live with those decisions, what she wants is how it will be, therefore, no regrets.

Whatever you did was the right thing for you to do, at that time.

God Bless

Ruby

[free_spirit_etc]

Yes. Apparently I did feel the need to jusitfy myself - as I already said I did.

I am not sure why you are certain that I would disagree with you, or that I wouldn't appreciate your thoughts on the subject.

Part of it would depend on whether your thoughts on the subject were about burial costs and choices we make in general, or whether you were discussing (and sitting of judgement of) the choices I PERSONALLY made in MY situation.

I interpreted your question of "$10k for burial . . . . what were you thinking! jmo" to be more a matter of to be a direct statement to ME - questioning why *I* spent more than your remark indicated I should have, and somewhat judgemental of me for choosing to spend that amount.

Perhaps you intended it in a different way than the way I intepreted it - (as I intepreted it to mean "What your YOU THINKING when you spent THAT MUCH!")

And maybe, as a widow, I am overly sensitive to any implication by someone else that any amount I spent on my husband's funeral, regardless of the reason, was excessive, or a poor choice. We widows can be that way sometimes.

I can appreciate whatever opinions you may have about the costs of funerals in general - and may even agree with some of your opinions. But I get a bit defensive when directly questioned about the cost I spent on my husband's.

Free

Free - apparently you felt the need to justify it because you did. You needn't explain it to me or anyone else. I won't say anymore because you would probably disagree and wouldn't appreciate my thoughts on the subject. I certainly didn't ask to upset you! I appologize, not for my asking but for the way you interpreted my question.

pr