ptsd Appealing Ptsd, Back And Knees?

[strykergrunt]

I recently received my award lettered granting me, 30%PTSD, 10% for back and both knees, a total of 50% disabled.

From what I understand this system is not necessary based of how disabled you are but how persistent you are and knowledgeable about the process.

In my case I was a former Infantryman and served in Iraq for 15 months, pretty hostile places I might add, Huge 8 hour conflict in Najaf (quoted largest firefight since the invasion of Iraq), my unit/platoon were among the first soldiers to patrol and conduct missons in Sadr City... blah blah..

My PTSD to me seems severe to the point I find happiness in NOTHING. Money, love, family, life or anything. So the process of appealing doesn't appeal. What I do want is help. I work 12 hour days for upwards of 65-70hrs a week and I find little time for basic things in life much less therapy.

I am sick, shell shocked whatever. i spent the last 4 years of my life learning to do nothing but kill people, yeah yeah first aid, land nav but all thats to help me kill more people....

Uncle sam made me into this emotionless machine, to kill and not feel bad or shame. Problem is converting back to civilian life is not so easy. I cant sleep without drinking, and when i do its only for about 5 hours, then I have nightmares, i awake with my heart pounding out of my chest and ANGRY for not real reason, and im not talking about a cry for attention ANGRY but, Im talking picking up the pistol and blasting thru walls, sometimes im not even fully awake yet. The local Va hospital is large Ralph Johnson down here in Charleston sc, but they just listen, i guess maybe its because their civvies their pretending to care and understand, all they do is prescribe me meds that have NO EFFECTs but side effects. They scheldule me to therphy that I have no time for, I guess if i was like some of the older members of this forum it would be okay to spend all day talking about how I got sea sick on a boat or whatever POG's story. I feel like Im at battle and its either fight the ptsd and lose my job or keep my job and keep the ptsd. Everytime I visit the VA i leave feeling way worst than i came, talking about things I did in iraq triggers something inside me so evil.. Im afraid of what i'll do. Something about my first kill.. watching him die slowly, gasping for air and finally dying and me looking into his eyes the whole time just wont leave my mind, at the time we thought it was funny, even kicked at him, but now everythings a reality and not funny AT ALL.

My Knees well, besides running 5k miles 4 times a week, road marching with heavy rucks, and patrolling 14hrs a day as a M249 SAW gunner, 6-800 rnds of ammo, Sappi plates and full kit.... kinda takes a toll, same for my back. Its bad because I can hear my knees grind when i bend them, they hurt when I stand too long,

Some how this is only 50% disabled? Like I said before its not about the money because theres nothing I can buy that'll make me even remotely happy again. Maybe my PTSD is different from the ones I've been reading about here. But for me I just wanna be alone, away from everything social, I don't mind nature, ya know birds trees etc.

Everybody I loved, im pushing away. My memory is failing, I cant remember names of Dr's, appointments.... I get lost in conversations, my mind just drifts. The Va is a joke, I'm 24 years old, no joy in life, no clubs, no interest in sex or girls, pushed all of my friends away. I want help but this PTSD has a way to pushing away help too, I seen alot of stuff and most of what I saw i'm really now just remembering because I blocked some of it out.

Sorry for the rant, I just don't know what else to do.........

Another thing working against me is I hate to complain, and cry to the VA. Talking about my stressors and triggers makes me very very upset, All me C&ps were quick and sloppy, my award letter described my right knee as my right knee and my left knee as my right knee?

[strykergrunt]

Also after our deployment I started ETS'ing to I didnt get time to readjust with the rest of my unit, very little debriefing so I feel like maybe thats another anchor. I went from battlefield, getting IED'ed to back home with the family in like 3 months.

[strykergrunt]

Im taking zoloft and klonopin prescribe from a dr outside the Va, I do not trust the Va. They were never any help. Or maybe I wasnt CRYING loud enough, but my mind is nowhere near stable and all my anger is geared towards the Va. WHEN I SAY ANGER I REEEEAALLY MEAN IM FXXXXX LOCO.

Edited June 27, 2010 by carlie
strong profanity

[john999]

I would go to a vet center and get treatment. If you don't get treatment your condition is going to get worse. If you don't get treatment at the VA, or Vet Center get it some place with a private doctor. If you stop treatment you may end up losing years of your life to PTSD. If you don't take time off your job to get treatment it is going to catch up with you. If you don't get treatment now you will get getting it 30 years from now after hitting bottom. You don't want to waste those years.

[stillhere]

I agree with Pete find the vet center nearest you and either do the group treatment or the one on one. As far as the rating if you want higher ratings treatments will help for that too. The social worker will help you along and get you situated.

You say you did not get a chance to debrief take that chance now and work on this! letting it go and trying to do it on your own IS NOT THE ANSWER I know it took me years.

Also if you will not take advice from us old vets, I understand. Go to the forum on this site for Gulf war vets and browse around. You are reaching out and that is a very good sign! I did not until years later and don't have much to show for it now. DO NOT DO as I did!

Good Luck!

[halos2]

I recently received my award lettered granting me, 30%PTSD, 10% for back and both knees, a total of 50% disabled.

From what I understand this system is not necessary based of how disabled you are but how persistent you are and knowledgeable about the process.

In my case I was a former Infantryman and served in Iraq for 15 months, pretty hostile places I might add, Huge 8 hour conflict in Najaf (quoted largest firefight since the invasion of Iraq), my unit/platoon were among the first soldiers to patrol and conduct missons in Sadr City... blah blah..

My PTSD to me seems severe to the point I find happiness in NOTHING. Money, love, family, life or anything. So the process of appealing doesn't appeal. What I do want is help. I work 12 hour days for upwards of 65-70hrs a week and I find little time for basic things in life much less therapy.

I am sick, shell shocked whatever. i spent the last 4 years of my life learning to do nothing but kill people, yeah yeah first aid, land nav but all thats to help me kill more people....

Uncle sam made me into this emotionless machine, to kill and not feel bad or shame. Problem is converting back to civilian life is not so easy. I cant sleep without drinking, and when i do its only for about 5 hours, then I have nightmares, i awake with my heart pounding out of my chest and ANGRY for not real reason, and im not talking about a cry for attention ANGRY but, Im talking picking up the pistol and blasting thru walls, sometimes im not even fully awake yet. The local Va hospital is large Ralph Johnson down here in Charleston sc, but they just listen, i guess maybe its because their civvies their pretending to care and understand, all they do is prescribe me meds that have NO EFFECTs but side effects. They scheldule me to therphy that I have no time for

, I guess if i was like some of the older members of this forum it would be okay to spend all day talking about how I got sea sick on a boat or whatever POG's story. THIS IS NOT WHAT OCCURS HERE! I HAVE NEVER READ FROM THE OLDER MEMBERS TALKING ABOUT GETTING SEA SICK ON A BOAT ALL DAY! THE OLDER MEMBERS OFFER MUCH ASSISTANCE TO ALL VETS...IF YOU FEEL THIS MENTALLY UNBALANCED, SEEK HELP WITH PROFESSIONALS...IF YOU ARE DISSATISFIED WITH THE VA SYSTEM SEEK CIVILIAN THERAPISTS ESP AS YOU STATE YOU ARE WORKING SO MANY HOURS, YOU MOST LIKELY RECEIVE MORE THAN MINIMUM WAGES SO DO WHAT MANY HAVE DONE PRIOR FIND OTHER QUALIFIED THERAPISTS IN YOUR AREA, AND IF YOU HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE, SEE IF THAT THERAPIST WILL ACCEPT IT OR LET YOU MAKE PMTS.

I feel like Im at battle and its either fight the ptsd and lose my job or keep my job and keep the ptsd. Everytime I visit the VA i leave feeling way worst than i came, talking about things I did in iraq triggers something inside me so evil.. Im afraid of what i'll do. Something about my first kill.. watching him die slowly, gasping for air and finally dying and me looking into his eyes the whole time just wont leave my mind, at the time we thought it was funny, even kicked at him, but now everythings a reality and not funny AT ALL.

My Knees well, besides running 5k miles 4 times a week, road marching with heavy rucks, and patrolling 14hrs a day as a M249 SAW gunner, 6-800 rnds of ammo, Sappi plates and full kit.... kinda takes a toll, same for my back. Its bad because I can hear my knees grind when i bend them, they hurt when I stand too long,

Some how this is only 50% disabled? Like I said before its not about the money because theres nothing I can buy that'll make me even remotely happy again. Maybe my PTSD is different from the ones I've been reading about here. But for me I just wanna be alone, away from everything social, I don't mind nature, ya know birds trees etc.

Everybody I loved, im pushing away. My memory is failing, I cant remember names of Dr's, appointments.... I get lost in conversations, my mind just drifts. The Va is a joke, I'm 24 years old, no joy in life, no clubs, no interest in sex or girls, pushed all of my friends away. I want help but this PTSD has a way to pushing away help too, I seen alot of stuff and most of what I saw i'm really now just remembering because I blocked some of it out.

Sorry for the rant, I just don't know what else to do.........

Another thing working against me is I hate to complain, and cry to the VA. Talking about my stressors and triggers makes me very very upset, All me C&ps were quick and sloppy, my award letter described my right knee as my right knee and my left knee as my right knee?

[Michellee]

I recently received my award lettered granting me, 30%PTSD, 10% for back and both knees, a total of 50% disabled.

From what I understand this system is not necessary based of how disabled you are but how persistent you are and knowledgeable about the process.

In my case I was a former Infantryman and served in Iraq for 15 months, pretty hostile places I might add, Huge 8 hour conflict in Najaf (quoted largest firefight since the invasion of Iraq), my unit/platoon were among the first soldiers to patrol and conduct missons in Sadr City... blah blah..

My PTSD to me seems severe to the point I find happiness in NOTHING. Money, love, family, life or anything. So the process of appealing doesn't appeal. What I do want is help. I work 12 hour days for upwards of 65-70hrs a week and I find little time for basic things in life much less therapy.

I am sick, shell shocked whatever. i spent the last 4 years of my life learning to do nothing but kill people, yeah yeah first aid, land nav but all thats to help me kill more people....

Uncle sam made me into this emotionless machine, to kill and not feel bad or shame. Problem is converting back to civilian life is not so easy. I cant sleep without drinking, and when i do its only for about 5 hours, then I have nightmares, i awake with my heart pounding out of my chest and ANGRY for not real reason, and im not talking about a cry for attention ANGRY but, Im talking picking up the pistol and blasting thru walls, sometimes im not even fully awake yet. The local Va hospital is large Ralph Johnson down here in Charleston sc, but they just listen, i guess maybe its because their civvies their pretending to care and understand, all they do is prescribe me meds that have NO EFFECTs but side effects. They scheldule me to therphy that I have no time for, I guess if i was like some of the older members of this forum it would be okay to spend all day talking about how I got sea sick on a boat or whatever POG's story. I feel like Im at battle and its either fight the ptsd and lose my job or keep my job and keep the ptsd. Everytime I visit the VA i leave feeling way worst than i came, talking about things I did in iraq triggers something inside me so evil.. Im afraid of what i'll do. Something about my first kill.. watching him die slowly, gasping for air and finally dying and me looking into his eyes the whole time just wont leave my mind, at the time we thought it was funny, even kicked at him, but now everythings a reality and not funny AT ALL.

My Knees well, besides running 5k miles 4 times a week, road marching with heavy rucks, and patrolling 14hrs a day as a M249 SAW gunner, 6-800 rnds of ammo, Sappi plates and full kit.... kinda takes a toll, same for my back. Its bad because I can hear my knees grind when i bend them, they hurt when I stand too long,

Some how this is only 50% disabled? Like I said before its not about the money because theres nothing I can buy that'll make me even remotely happy again. Maybe my PTSD is different from the ones I've been reading about here. But for me I just wanna be alone, away from everything social, I don't mind nature, ya know birds trees etc.

Everybody I loved, im pushing away. My memory is failing, I cant remember names of Dr's, appointments.... I get lost in conversations, my mind just drifts. The Va is a joke, I'm 24 years old, no joy in life, no clubs, no interest in sex or girls, pushed all of my friends away. I want help but this PTSD has a way to pushing away help too, I seen alot of stuff and most of what I saw i'm really now just remembering because I blocked some of it out.

Sorry for the rant, I just don't know what else to do.........

Another thing working against me is I hate to complain, and cry to the VA. Talking about my stressors and triggers makes me very very upset, All me C&ps were quick and sloppy, my award letter described my right knee as my right knee and my left knee as my right knee?

Well firing your weapon in a half daze is pretty serious if you are to that point where you are unsafe maybe you should report that and see if they could sign you in for in treatment or sign yourself in voluntary. Its not just about the money however I believe you would be entitle to temp 100 percent. The bigger concern is that you sound like a time bomb sitting waiting to explode and your meds aren't working from what you say. Many people have been to Irag and seen as much as you have and even back in Nam sometimes worse seeing their buddies killed before their eyes. But in order to fight for what you obviosly deserve you will have to be in the right state of mind and be patient in doesn't happen quickly or over night. Sometimes it will take time or even over a year to get what you want you have to be safe and competent enought to file you claims properly by learning and researching whats the best way to handle your request for compensation. So hold on and keep coming and learning what you need to do to get what you want. Yes they can make mistakes and you can appeal and there are things you can do to be successful. Dont give up and get to the point that you let your fustration stop you from thinking straight about your claim. It took me a while to get a even a power chair that I needed with one good working leg. That was a fight. I got mad too, I came on here and I vented and then I did more research and asked more questions on this site and then I got back in the ring. In the end I got what I wanted. So get yourself together.