ptsd Is This Real?

[john999]

When you read about yourself as this person that is so disabled that they can no longer support themselves it is a blow to your self esteem. I did not recognize the person the VA was talking about in my decision for IU. I thought to myself "Man, am I this bad off?". You get over that since the alternative is to be that bad off and have no money.

[halos2]

Hedgey, Recently been there...done that. I know exactally how you feel. The yrs of torment fighting and all of a sudden by surprise you get the brass ring, you question what happened? Acceptance that you are worthy now, and the let down of not having to fight and put all of your waking hrs into this are difficult to deal with. It is like how can I occupy my mind now?

You keep asking yourself why now? What if's, buts, etc. One must accept this no matter how hard it is and realize you are worth it! You fought and beat the beast at its own game. My retro is sitting there in the bank...I hope when you get yours you will spend it wisely...the let down of winning is a mind alterating state...we have difficuly rejoycing in the win...Hang in there. We did win...We did get even.

Now we need to let the beast rest, and we need to refocus ourselves and our lives on joyful things, ie family, time not fighting, and most of all find some space where you can really truly find peace.

I am glad for you, and feel your feelings too!

[drohde]

Congratulations. I don't think you'll be getting any retraction letters. :)

The decision letter says I've been rated 70% for PTSD. With the 20% they gave me for my feet (still working on the NOD for that), I'm at 80%. Guess the clerk at the travel office was reading it right.

The letter came on Monday and when I read it I cried. I put it away and kept forgetting it had come. I'd told my husband about it and I keep feeling surprised when he mentions it. What's wrong with me? I should be happy, right? Why don't I feel happy about this?

I should feel relieved that my PTSD has been SC'd; the battle to prove my stressors actually occurred has been won. But all I keep thinking is that I'll get another letter saying they made a mistake. It's definitely me they're talking abut in the letter, but I keep thinking this can't be real.

They also sent paperwork about an inferred TDIU claim. I hadn't finished the form to submit for it, and now it turns out that a claim is in process for me already. My husband says do it right away, get the form in, right now. My heart just pounds like crazy every time I look at it.

I put this in the Success Stories section, cause I guess it belongs there. I don't feel like a success, though. Sorry to be such a downer when I should be dancing on air.

[hedgey]

Everybody, thank you so much for your kindness, your congratulations and your support. It really is a roller coaster of emotions right now. The retro was deposited, I got the letter about VGLI, so it's starting to seem as though the VA believes it, so maybe I can too.

I'm going to get that TDIU form done today if it takes all night!

Thanks, so much!! More than I can say.

[Tbird]

Hedgey you let us know when you get that TDIU form in the mail, don't delay. If i had the authority to give you an order, I would order you to fill it out and put it in the mail NOW - because I care about you, we all do and we want you want to get the earliest effective date possible, this provides money, which provides security, which is something many of us just can't get enough of.

Yes it is a roller coaster and you are not alone. It will pass and if it doesn't you get yourself to a Veterans Center and see if they have a therapist, Phd type that you can see if you don't already have one.

I road the roller coaster from 1991 till 1998, I think. That is from my first claim to my 100%. When the 100% letter came, I was so stunned I read it and read it, and then read it out loud to my sister. For days I read it and read it. After the shock finally wore off I read it again and I did cry for all kinds of reasons, relief, seeing in black and white how AFU I was, a lot of different emotions.

I still have a chill run up my back whenever I get a letter from the VA, I am permanent and total, but the chill is still there, it's part of my underlying sense of impending doom. I just try to live with it.

You will be ok, You are ok, this is normal for many of us.

[Berta]

This is Great news and it pays to share how difficult it can be to believe the major battle is over.

There is a let down feeling too-every decision that awards SC is a verification of the sacrifice of a disability due to service.

I too still think I am fighting my AO death claim.I filed another AO IHD claim recently but sent them the evidence for that abut I still have to re-read my award letter sometimes to make sure the main 7 year long battle is over.

My award letter still makes me very angry. And very sad.

Plus they made many errors in it -even got his date of death wrong in the award for SC death.