ptsd Dh Got Notice Of Ptsd Comp & Pen Appt - Worried Sick!

[hedgey]

Okay, not worried sick just yet, but I don't think he's slept at all since he got the letter Saturday. I'm the one who's sick over it (I have IBS and it's been extra wicked :P )

I'm not sure if this is in the right forum, maybe it should be in PTSD?

I'm worried because when I filed my claim for PTSD, I wrote a long, very detailed stressor letter. I just sat down one night and poured it all out, just me and the computer. (I still haven't told my therapist most of the things...) And I got a letter from a family member and my ex-husband.

But my husband hasn't done that. He submitted his 4138 and the 761 (the special one for PTSD) through a VA representative and a VSO. None of the stuff he's submitted has much detail, just that he was in an accident, badly injured and burned, long time recovering and a few other sentences about the pain of the recovery and his isolation and nightmares and flashbacks now.

His MH records show a lot of detail, and his psychiatrist even wrote in her notes that his PTSD stems from the accident he had while in the service (great nexus, if they read it!!).

I feel like throwing up. One of the big worries is that my darling has rages. He doesn't have a short fuse, exactly, but he will very suddenly be overwhelmed by rage, even when you can't readily see what sparked it. Most of the time he's able to suppress it, or he leaves the area and goes for a long walk. He's lucky he can do that at work, and his supervisor is understanding (though I think they're praying for the day he retires).

He's afraid about the C & P interview because he's afraid the examiner will ask something or say something and he will go off. Being able to escape is core to his sense of safety, and he's afraid he'll blow up at the examiner or will burst out of the room and escape.

I'm worried about that too.

Sorry if I'm not being very coherent. I'm tired and kerfutzeled.

[carlie]

[hedgey]

Carlie, thanks for that! Lol!

He finally sat down and read your post on Saturday. We spent all weekend copying and combing through his SMRs and his C-file, plus his 201 file for supporting phrases, etc.

In his VA health records we found another nexus-like statement from another psychiatrist we forgot he'd seen. It was the first VA psychiatrist to dx him with PTSD, and he was quite clear in his notes that the chronic PTSD and depression began with his MVA in the military - partly due to the trauma and partly due to the ongoing pain and scarring.

Also, in his 201 file we found a couple of goodies, sort of. One is an evaluation that says while he is good at the technical aspect of his performance, his interaction with others is very poor and his organizational skills are very bad. The other is a counseling statement about his attitude and lack of being a team-player, etc. (paraphrasing).

We also came across, in his SMR's, reference to the fact that he didn't have cosmetic surgery on his ears until 9 years later. Oh, yeah, I told about that before. It was actually at Baumholder, not Landstuhl.

We also found his original claim for compensation and the original Decision Letter from 1985, which we think might support a CUE a bit later on. Don't know for sure, and not going to open that can of worms just this minute.

I also showed him the worksheet for PTSD (initial). From what I can remember, it's more or less the way my C&P went, so he has an idea what to expect.

So we have a huge stack of papers to take to the VSO on Friday. She's going to help us choose which records to highlight and, as you say, "leave" with the examiner. I'm working on a Statement to be submitted, maybe to Leave with the examiner too. I didn't know him before he had PTSD, but I've seen his yearbooks, the clubs and teams he was on, the handsome, dashing lad he was... and I have plenty to say about life with him right now.

This whole thing has been so rough on him. He's sick now with aches and pains and he's been in bed since yesterday afternoon. I will be so glad when we get past the C&P. I know it's just on to the next step of wait, wait, wait, but still. Another rung up the ladder, right?

Thanks again :)

[hedgey]

Getting close to the day (Wednesday) and the anxiety level in this house is in the red zone.

He saw both his VA psychiatrist & therapist this past week, and they both told him that he should relax as much as he can, that there is no question of a nexus and that the Comp & Pen examiner will only be evaluating him to arrive at a rating, not whether he's SC or whether he has PTSD.

So I hope that's true, and I hope that it works out. He's so rattled... he still feels like there's a LOT riding on the C&P exam...

I don't know what to tell him except that I'll be with him, waiting outside. We decided I shouldn't go in, because he'll be too distracted and probably try to be brave if I'm there... And I'll be struggling not to react, too.

His therapist told him he should take an Ativan before the exam. I don't know, should he be mellow? He'll have them in his pocket in case he needs one...

I don't know what to tell him. He's spent years shrugging off his pain and fears and many quirks as just nothing. This is hard for him, to think about trying to tell someone he's messed up.

My poor darling. This really bites moldy cheese.

[hedgey]

UPDATE

Sorry I didn't come to tell how it went sooner, but we both survived the ordeal.

The examiner was very nice. I didn't go in with DH because my therapist said it might be worse for DH if I was there, and also that DH might worry about being brave in front of me and hold things back.

He was only in with the examiner for about 30 minutes. DH said he was a Dr. of psychology and that he had read his mental health notes from both the psychiatrist & therapist. He said the examiner was kind and soft spoken, and said he didn't need to ask much about his stressors because it was all in the records (he had DH's SMR's, too, a huge, fat folder). He asked quite a bit about his childhood and his early home life; why did he want to join, etc.

Then he told DH "well, I'm giving you service connection for PTSD. It might take as much as a year for the rating process, but I don't want you worrying about whether you'll get service connection because I'm going to make sure of it." DH started crying at that.

When he came out into the waiting room I was worried sick because his face was red and he looked just awful. He cried again when we got in the car. When we finally got home he went straight to bed and slept right through to the next morning, when he had a therapy appointment to get to.

It's not what you expect. You think when they say you are SC that you'll feel validated and maybe like they're on your side; you think you'll be happy. But it's not like that. It breaks your heart.

:(

He's put a request in with his VSO to get the C&P report. We know that what the Dr. said in the exam means nothing unless he put it in writing. I'll come back with that when it arrives.

Thanks, everyone, for all the support. I really don't know what I'd do without you all.

[wwoof]

I just went through my second PTSD assessment for an increase and the psychiatrist said, "Just tell me your symptoms, we don't listen to stories anymore." When I was first given SC for PTSD I have written volumes and even found a log of rocket attacks on Bien Hoa airbase! Now, that means nothing.