ptsd Non-Combat Ptsd Mdd Psychotic Features Greenramp

[82airborne]

Sorry

Edited January 30, 2013 by 82airborne

[carlie]

Thanx Carlie. I wanted to know should I ride out the side affects that's starting to come. Does the jittery head ache stuff stop. Is it normal until it reaches it's therapeutic level then it will stop. Thanx again for your help.

Until you reach a therapeutic level there's really no way to know if

what you are feeling is actually a side effect of the meds - -

or if that's just something you are feeling at that particular moment

on that particular day.

Many things can be side effects of meds,

not all things are side effects of meds.

All I know is if you want to give the meds a TRUE try -

then ya just have to ride it all out.

We do not HAVE to take ANY meds -

it is our CHOICE when we do so.

Hang in there.

JMHO

[82airborne]

Ok Thanx. That's what I needed to know. I will just ride it out and see what happens. Thanx again

[82airborne]

I can't lie I'm in a pretty violent mind frame. I looked on ebenefits and see my status is in preperation for decision. I know I'm going to get screwed just like alwayz. At this point I feel numb. I'm quiet. I have no desire to talk to anybody in my house. What fuels my anger is knowing I got disabled in the ARMY. I was a hardkore athelete before the Army. Even tho I'm feeling extra violent I have no intentions of harming anybody. Every thing is screwed my car keep breaking down. I can't go to the hospital like I need to. I feel like punching a wall. I'm trapped. I'm disabled I can't make money. I'm pretty much in jail without being in jail. My social security check last maybe a week after I get paid. I knw I waited all this time November 10,2010 I put my klaim in. Just to be screwed over. It's some of my homies that owe me money that haven't paid me. I feel like beating the living hell out of them. I swear I'm lost. I'm jumpy as hell. When somebody opens the door or sneaks up on me I'm jumping like a rabbit damn there hitting the roof. Nobody really understands how I feel. I feel like I'm going to snap. My breathing s funny. My DAYZ are miserable. Wanting to buy something to eat but I can't because I know I gotta have gas for things. My dreams are full of killing people or being killed. I'm waking up every hour dam there to go to piss at night. I'm stuffing vix vapor rub every night and day to help me breathe. This is my future sick in pain. Death seems appealing. It seems the world is having a excellent time while I'm screwed lost in space. Every bit of my clothes been hand me downs from donations to my brother. He gives them to me. This is my life sentence because I decided to join the Army. I hate my life. Life is not fair. My whole life I have worked hard ALWAYZ on time never KALLED off. I've ALWAYZ been treated like sht. Even tho I lay quiet I am n a bloody rage. Doctors appointments every week. Do you think I got enough gas to go to them appointments noo no no. My dam KAR leaking water. I'm tired of feeling the way I feel I been sick for about 4 years straight 20 years off and on. when I get that denial letter I do not know how I will take it. I can't really say my real desires but they are not good. Every day my eyes are red from lack of sleep. All I. Will do is stay away from the PUBLICK and stay konfined to my room. My counseling Do not seem to be working it feels good to talk to somebody but in the end of the day my desire for violence is still present. The pills I take I can't tell the difference even tho I'm giving my girl more affection. I don't see the difference in my way of thinking. OOOH well I'm just venting I have n desire in harming anybody yes I have evil thoughts but I will cut myself before I hurt anybody else. I will not go to jail so that's what prevents me from acting out on my hidden desires. Please pray for me that THiS evil spell pass.

[82airborne]

WELL hello I'm back. I'm back in development phase. They told me to get my info or they just might decide my kase in 15 whole DAYZ. Well today I went to the doctor and got a nexus letter for my back and knees. Hopefully that will help. I'm going to see my shrink Monday the one that gives me my meds. I'm going to ask him to right a nexus for PTSD will he do it we shall see.

Ok so since my pain management lady won't prescribe me pain pills I have been stretching my pain pillls to make them last. Now I'm back in pain but I haven't been having to use the bathroom at night. Also I'm actually sleeping the whole night. I'm taking a guess that the methocarbamol for my back spasm is relaxing my bladder to make my have frequent urination. I wake up in the mourning the past two nights amazed that it was mourning.

Ok tonight I try to go to sleep. I'm having major flashbacks about my past things that I'm pretty much ashamed of. My desire to burn myself is at its all time high. My flashbacks tonight which this is why I'm righting about it now so maybe I KAN go to sleep. So this is what keeps popping up in my head. RATS. The places I lived I was the rat taker outer. Ok we used glue traps. Every rat I punished for running around where I lived. I use to be happy to wake up with a rat on the glue trap. My best technique to punish them was to put the whole glue trap in a plastic bag. Press it around the mouse till his body print was visible. Then I would take different heavy objects and smash them each pound had intervals. This is what flashing through my mind tonight. Also every night when I first klose my eyes I here like a gunshot or like a book slamming on the table. Today at the doctors office this guy began to change colors right before my very dam eyes. Even tho I was able to be social with a KOUPLE of misfits in the office. Violence still plagued the back of my mind. They were only thoughts. My hands are getting very jittery and my legs will not stop bouncing as I sit. It's like I'm hyper but doped down at the same time. Even tho I sleep full nights I'm having very vivid dreams here I KAN feel wetness pain happiness and sadness.

The reason I wrote this stuff is BEKAUSE I'm trying to go to sleep I'm hoping if I get this stuff out of my head I KAN go to sleep. Well I guess that's it for now. Yes death I still krave death if I had a choice. If I KOULD find a way to die without killing myself I think I wouldn't mind. This is not living what I'm doing I'm surviving in a madan head. No I will not stop therapy. I intend on staying away from people until My shrink fixes me. I will not harm anybody nor will I harm myself. These are all random madness that's going on in my head. So on that note I'm going to bed hopefully getting this stuff out of my head will stop the million pictures flashing in my head.

[carlie]

WELL hello I'm back. I'm back in development phase. They told me to get my info or they just might decide my kase in 15 whole DAYZ. Well today I went to the doctor and got a nexus letter for my back and knees. Hopefully that will help. I'm going to see my shrink Monday the one that gives me my meds. I'm going to ask him to right a nexus for PTSD will he do it we shall see.

Ok so since my pain management lady won't prescribe me pain pills I have been stretching my pain pillls to make them last. Now I'm back in pain but I haven't been having to use the bathroom at night. Also I'm actually sleeping the whole night. I'm taking a guess that the methocarbamol for my back spasm is relaxing my bladder to make my have frequent urination. I wake up in the mourning the past two nights amazed that it was mourning.

Ok tonight I try to go to sleep. I'm having major flashbacks about my past things that I'm pretty much ashamed of. My desire to burn myself is at its all time high. My flashbacks tonight which this is why I'm righting about it now so maybe I KAN go to sleep. So this is what keeps popping up in my head. RATS. The places I lived I was the rat taker outer. Ok we used glue traps. Every rat I punished for running around where I lived. I use to be happy to wake up with a rat on the glue trap. My best technique to punish them was to put the whole glue trap in a plastic bag. Press it around the mouse till his body print was visible. Then I would take different heavy objects and smash them each pound had intervals. This is what flashing through my mind tonight. Also every night when I first klose my eyes I here like a gunshot or like a book slamming on the table. Today at the doctors office this guy began to change colors right before my very dam eyes. Even tho I was able to be social with a KOUPLE of misfits in the office. Violence still plagued the back of my mind. They were only thoughts. My hands are getting very jittery and my legs will not stop bouncing as I sit. It's like I'm hyper but doped down at the same time. Even tho I sleep full nights I'm having very vivid dreams here I KAN feel wetness pain happiness and sadness.

The reason I wrote this stuff is BEKAUSE I'm trying to go to sleep I'm hoping if I get this stuff out of my head I KAN go to sleep. Well I guess that's it for now. Yes death I still krave death if I had a choice. If I KOULD find a way to die without killing myself I think I wouldn't mind. This is not living what I'm doing I'm surviving in a madan head. No I will not stop therapy. I intend on staying away from people until My shrink fixes me. I will not harm anybody nor will I harm myself. These are all random madness that's going on in my head. So on that note I'm going to bed hopefully getting this stuff out of my head will stop the million pictures flashing in my head.

Sounds like perhaps a visit to the ER is in order - especially with wanting to burn yourself

and smash the rats to bits. Not good.

JMHO

[82airborne]

I see my therapist Monday. I will tell him every thing.