ptsd Non-Combat Ptsd Mdd Psychotic Features Greenramp

[82airborne]

Sorry

Edited January 30, 2013 by 82airborne

[82airborne]

Ok if it's anymore questions I will answer them. I need all the help or advice I can get.

[82airborne]

Well today is my first dose of Prozac 10mg. Yes I'm scared of trying these meds. It seems all I get is side affects. I have to increase my dosage to 20mg in 10 days. I hope for no side affects. But it's worth the try If this will help my anger and anti social habits. I feel dizzy truthly I'm always dizzy and light headed due to this tinnitus. So it could be that. I don't know. I just wish to be without all these medical ailments that's been coming down on me. I did get up at about four am. So I could just be sleepy. I'm still sleeping 3-5 hours of sleep a night. Which is pretty nerve racking. Ooh well. Maybe things will work out after treatment with my psychs. I'm pretty much forced to attend these pain management classes with these other people. Which I wish it could just be one on one counseling. So this might be the key into me getting back into society. Only reason I go because kaiser isn't as crowded and dirty like the county facilities. What bothered me most about my first pain management class is how quiet the room is and all I can here is this loud ringing in my ear which distracts me from listening and plus I was falling asleep do to me not being able to sleep a full night. I'm writing this stuff for you information gatherers on non combat PTSD mdd with psychotic features. I'm on hydrocodone and methocarbamol. So I'm taking Prozac norco and methocarbamol. The pain meds help my pain for when I'm sleep I usually get the most pain. So that's better. I'm just waiting for what side affect will hit me from this Prozac. Oh well this is my little update. No depression is current and minimal pain. I'm just light headed. Hopes this help somebody that's curious about these medicines.

[82airborne]

Day three of Prozac. Pretty much these three days I have been sitting around in the house just watching tv. Well as I sit here tonight. All I feel is anger. This house is getting the best of me. How long the va is taking every time I look at ebenefits and see the gathering of evidence sign. Pisses me off. All I see up the road for me is a lifetime of poverty. I can't work without pain. I'm ready to explode. But that's one reason I just stay in the house. So nobody will piss me off. So I will sit here just to wake up in the same position I was in today. Twenty years of pain being angry. Don't worry I'm not going to hurt anybody. I'm going to bed soon. All I hear is my ears ringing ringing ringing. GOOOD lord I feel numb will I ever live without this rage then depression. It's like the world is having fun while I'm stuck in this house. 27 months of calling the va just to here that my file ain't even been looked at. Everything and I mean everything I claimed is in my medical records. I know the va will deny me just like always. I can't lie I'm seeing red. But I do realize tomorrow is another day and my rage will pass. I will wake up not angry inside this dam room. Well goodnight till I need to vent again

[82airborne]

Prozac Prozac Prozac. I have not been angry since that day. I did have the urge to burn myself after about twenty years. It's a craving. I didn't do it. I've learned how to control it. That was the day of my last post. This Prozac pretty much have me like a zombie. From the hydrocodone methocarbamol and Prozac. No thoughts no thoughts. Yeah I needed to talk are vent this out. I'm thinking back on how I use to cut and burn myself. I replaced burning myself with tattoos. It's like a release. That last post I was pretty upset. I've decided just to quit thinking about the va and just let what's gonna be be. I just got to except the life GOD has given me. Of course everybody has they angry days. See I'm going to tell the truth. I've dealt with many crazy crazy years. Where i just went crazy until I had to just pretty much come to the conclusion. Lock myself in the house or go to jail. People trigger my angry side. When I feel threatened that's when danger arises. So if I take people out of the equation I'm fine. Yeah this room gets boring and frustrating but at least I can leave. I remember when I first got out. Somebody said 82nd street I straight left myself glaring in space for a good minute in the middle of the street. I use to cut myself and drink my blood. I wasn't angry mad buti did burn myself so I wouldn't beat people up that angered me. When people make me mad I can actually see myself like a video beating people up. I have lost girlfriends because of me attacking them in my sleep. Just hitting are kicking nothing more. It feels good to be able to write about this stuff. I would be at a party I was invited to. All I can do is sit by myself and watch everybody like a pit bull. I know being broke depresses me more but money means nothing when your minds not right. I want to having a loving relationship with my family. To tell y'all the truth I don't want to be like a zombie on meds either. I think what depresses me most out of everything. Is being ripped of the status of being a VETERAN. SOMETHING FLIPPED IN ME I tried to be a excellent soldier. I don't know. Maybe I need to blame myself instead of the va. Maybe I have psycho in my DNA. I remember this twelve mile road march. Ruck sack medi pack full gear. I ran the whole twelve miles just because I didn't want this sorry sergeant to beat me. Soon as I finished first I passed out from exhaustion I woke up with iv's. The thrill of seeing that green light before a jump. Mre's peanut butter and chocolate was very tasty. But before I get better I think I have to let my anger go towards the va. They are just doing they job like everybody else. I'm just glad that I was able to get SSDi it's no way I could ave continued working I was mentally and physically broke. I have to increase my dose of Prozac in a couple DAYZ. I hope this don't have me to ZOMBIED out. At this point all I can do is pray and have faith in GOD that things get better. Faith shall be my standing. Thank you hadit.com. I have gotten so much information and answers on here over the years to assist me with my claim. Also this place provides me a place to vent. I've read so many people with similar post as I. Who have gone thru hell. I understand I am not alone. What I hope for is just to get healthy. No more dizziness nausea hip leg groin shoulder chest neck spine ringing in the ears anger depression. Well medicare have given me insurance so I can get better. Thank you GOD. Pain management called me and told me that I had marijuana in my system. NOOOO KIDDING. Marijuana controllers my anger. It passes my time away. I remember I was in the food stamp line with my cane. It started to happen. I was turning into the hulk and nobody realized. I started breathing hard my eyes started to tear up. In a wink of a eye I was in raged if anybody had touched me I would've attacked. But I still had my thinking cap on. I asked this young lady to hold my place in line. I went to my car. ROLLED UP A FAT JOINT. TURNED MY MUSICK UP. BLAZED MY BRAINS OUT UNTIL I WAS NUMB. CAME BACK IN LINE SMELLING LIKE A DISPENSERY. JUST LIKE THAT I WAS BACK CALM. well I'm sure I will have a bad day. Where I come on here and rant. I'm just glad I got a place to do it. Like I said this prozac pretty much have me in Ed everyday. I go see my social worker/psych tomorrow I will tell tem about my urge to burn myself. But I'm not doing that no more. So you guys that's into self mutilation you can control it. Just get a tattoo and tell yourself you not going to do it anymore. I knw you want to get use to ain. Make your pain tolerance higher but there s always pain you can never get use to. I used that excuse to. Eventually you just got to stop. Replace it with something else. OOOH well another day has gone by I will work harder to gain my sanity b back. :^}

Edited February 12, 2013 by 82airborne

[82airborne]

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Edited February 12, 2013 by 82airborne

[82airborne]

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Edited February 12, 2013 by 82airborne