Andyman73

I don't mind not feeling okay, what really bothers me is feeling invisible, or as if I don't matter, or count, since I'm not a combat Vet, or didn't serve during any of the recognized conflicts. I started my fight in June of 1997. Which means, if I was a boxer, I'm due, or overdue to retire from the squared circle. I feel like Kurt Russel in the sci-fi movie where he is put out to pasture, on a distant outpost, because he's obsolete and been replaced by younger, newer, supposedly better fighters. Having been given the cold shoulder and bum's rush out the door. Sorry, we hardly knew you...your kind is no longer welcome here, or useful to us....good by.

That was rather articulate and not distorted, your meds must be working! I like your avatar/icon...is that Heckle and Jeckle? I reached out for initial contact to a NOVA lawyer in my locale...haven't heard back yet, but it's not even 24 hours. I do hope he can help, I tried 2 other law firms a few months back, and they were like "sorry, we can't help you, but maybe these folks can".

gs106, What Buck said! Most of us are like salmon trying to get up that SA SC waterfall, falling back time and time again, hoping that the grizzlies don't get us before we make it up and over. Andy

asknod, I'm sure the VA will notice a new leak in their dike, one that their fingers can't plug so easily. And it will be tagged "Alex was here" with a "killroy" face! Semper Fi

wablackwell, Even if you struggle on a weekly basis, or less frequently, call that number if you feel that you are at or nearly over the tipping point.

Buck, and Navy4life, Gastone, Broncovet, and the rest of you, thank you for your encouragement and support. I really dislike feeling like this, like I'm a mime trapped in an invisible box, with no way out. Yeah, Buck, I'm glad he is closer than my local VAMC. I figured there would be one at the state capitol, which is about 40 minutes from me, but to have one almost in my back yard...that's a sign from God that all hope is not lost...and there really is a light at the end of the tunnel(even if I can't yet see it). I pray every day, for all ya'll, and my family, too. Yes, I am beyond ready to share this load...and the $ reward, too. I'll keep ya'll updated on how it goes....as it goes. Semper Fi

Buck, Welp...I gone and done it, looked on the link to the NOVA group, found one in my own neck of the woods, literally, inside 10 miles from me. So....I emailed him a quick little note to initiate contact. Andy

Buck, Would it be better to go here, https://vetadvocates.org/welcome/find-an-attorney/ and find an attorney? I just don't know which way to go, and I've got some Form 9s to get done, soonest. Makes me want to pull my hair out.

Navy4life, I think I will have to contact the honorable Mr. Bash, MD. I can not see another way to go, that I can live with, while waiting for everything to play out. At least this way, I know I will be getting as best as I can get, especially with his lawyer tag-team partner. The "legion of doom" is my best bet. Semper Fi

I'm not okay with it, because I live with it every day. Worse yet, is that all of these things are real, and not imagined. My dentist has already told me that I will need major tooth repair, or caps on all, to save them, in the future. My si joint region is on fire all the time, and that wasn't like that till 3 years ago, when my PCP took me off ibuprofen(NSAIDS) because it raises my BP a little, and I'm being treated for hypertension. My SA has been ongoing for 2 decades, I started drinking in the Marines to deal with my pain and sleep issues. I feel like walking away because I'm beating a dead horse, me, with my claims, since the VA so far has been able to use VA mumbo jumbo to deny them. I do go for treatment. I think the dr is good, but just wish he'd be a little more interested in getting at the root causes, instead of what's going on now.

The EED is this, in Feb of 06, I wrote asking for exam for SC for my feet. Got same, also new exams for other already SC issues. Foot exam made findings and DX of various issues, including bilateral pes cavus w/plantar fasciitis. Decision letter went over all the issues and decisions for each except the feet. Which was the basis for the exam request to begin with. Fast forward to May 2015, new claim for feet, July exam made near identical findings, and was granted 30% for the bilateral pes cavus w/plantar fasciitis. I requested the EED to 02/06 based on the reason that the new examiner used same evidence as original, including SMR entries to make the connection. Yes, I get txt alerts from my bank, usually 12-24 hours after deposit is posted, or pending deposit notification. The paperwork I received the other day made no mention to my EED, so, that means something...I guess?

http://community.hadit.com/topic/64723-depression-cp-exam-notes/ Here is where my MH C&P exam can be found, but I must warn you, it won't be easy to read, since it's in a very compressed form, no spacing between lines or paragraphs. I apologize. When I downloaded it off the blue button, I chose the wrong format, and now that my home pc is dead, I can't very well go back and make it right.

Me too, Navy4life, me too. It was denied, and I filed the NOD, got an IMO/IME that was favorable, only to be told that it was still denied, I guess it wasn't for me. But it did say that what I do have is a symptom of something else, MH, and as such can't be granted as a stand alone SC. Great! But my MH was denied also, so guess SMR entries showing the jaw pain and worn molars weren't in anyway shape or form symptomatic of that. So all that time I was clenching and gritting and grinding my teeth for the last 22 plus years weren't due to the issues that caused my MDD, right? I was DXd as MDD recurrent back on 06/15, w/SI. I did file for depression before that, but had no DX at that time. And certainly didn't think of sending in the MDD DX on that, till just now! My wife is right, I really am .... fill in the blank(she's said them all). Anyway, I spoke with my VA MH Dr, who DXd me, several months later(therapy is @ every 6 weeks.) asked him if depression is caused by pain. Said yep! So I went with that, since I fell down those stairs on day 5 of boot camp, at the start of my 6yr Marine Corps enlistment. And if you look at any of my past incoherent ramblings, you'll see that the MH examiner opined that a minor leg injury requiring a brace for 8 days can't, in his opinion, lead to depression. He's right, but I injured both knees, and lower back. Even blacked out momentarily. Went to flight line medical numerous times for pain in knees and back. Developed plantar fasciitis in my L foot also. Right out of the box I was granted SC for low back pain, painful residuals of L ankle injury, and tinnitus as well. And a short 2 years later granted the SC for my knees, dated back my EAS. So there is the VA's own nexus/link of chronic pain to my service. But since the examiner was too illiterate to read my SMR or look and see what my current SCDs were, he decided that my pain was a non-issue. Instead he said my chronic sleep issues, marriage issues, and legal issues are more likely the cause of my depression. Got married 6 months after my EAS. No issues for the first 5 years, till she started getting tired of me being myself. Only legal issues were due to alcohol abuse while on AD. To which I got an Article 15 for, and 3 weeks outpatient rehab fun. And sleep issues have been plaguing me since my 2nd year of service. Which is what really got me drinking. I did post the exam previously. My home PC has given up the ghost, so...I will try to see if I can copy and paste from my original posting of said exam. I know you all say don't give up, but I am so so very close to walking away. I went 15 years without any real attempt for claims because I couldn't face it. Sigh....

Navy4life, I do know what you mean, about thinking of what that word implies, I had forgotten already, about it, till now, lol! Thanks! No, but seriously, I know that obsessing over that word is very dangerous to my emotional well being. I haven't told my wife, or anyone else, for that matter, except here...this thread, only. In other news, I got my SOCs for my NODS(except for the EED) they were reviewed and stayed the course, denied. I thought nothing different than that, since I haven't had the experience of anything besides that. To which I mean the VA doing the right thing. Yes, I have had 2(only 2) successful claims since 2000, one of which generated that EED claim back to 02/06. So I have no faith whatsoever in this. Here's one reason, in the SOC it says, again, that my painful jaw condition/bruxism isn't enough to be a standalone claim for SC, but may have if I had claimed it during my initial 12months after EAS, but it's clearly a symptom of something else, more serious. Which is MH related, since bruxism and clenching are both obvious signs of mental stress. Ok...so I was being treated/checked, a handful of times for painful jaw condition...they noted excessive dental wear that had no obvious signs to dental issues. Now then, wouldn't one think that then perhaps there was some serious mental stress of some kind going on? I mean, attempted suicide, and constant SI, constant pain, ongoing sleep issues, alcohol abuse...and resultant Article 15/NJP...certainly go along with the bruxism pointing to MH issues, right? Okay, then, since the VA has no duty to look for other causes for your issues, and grant SC for them, of their own free will, since they sure as H@#$ don't, my MH claim of depression secondary to chronic pain was stayed as denied, also. Let me tell you, the heavy SI thoughts were pounding my mind after reading those SOCs. I could actually feel the darkness closing in on me. Oh, one more thing....is this telling me something, is this a sign for me to follow???? Both on the original denial letter for the MH claim, and the SOC, it says the examiner gave more weight to legal issues and marrital issues as being equal or of more value towards my MH issues. The only legal issues I have ever had(EVER) were while in the Marines, most notably being that Article 15. And my relationship with my wife didn't become strained until 5 or more years after the Corps, and after we were married, which was 6 months after my EAS. Is that telling me I need to file my MDD claim as resulting from the Article 15, or what?

My job is okay, it's a low level Fed Gov't civilian job, pays the bills and such. The benefits are better than average, tho, and that carries a lot of weight. But I can not give it up, no how no way. If I traded my job for a 100% rating and comp pay, with dependnts added in, my take home would increase by over 50%, but....that does not take into account for retirement or health insurance. If I had to pay that out of my VA, then it would equal less than my take home pay, now. And with wife and kids and a mortgage, I can't afford that. Which is why so many Vets that are at 80% and higher keep working, they would go broke/bankrupt otherwise. I'm sure most of us don't have a spouse making same or better pay, or same benefits. So we can't quit the jobs we have, because it would be financially irresponsible to ourselves and our families. I guess hitting my head, when I fell, and had my momentary loss of conscious, could have been a minor tbi. Don't know. You didn't bring me down, I just felt maybe you wanted to hear a little of what is trapped inside me.

I used it last May. Notes of the call go in your record, and can be seen on the Blue Button download via Myhealthevet.

Thank the Lord, you're on our side!

Sadly yes, we did

EODCMC, It still makes me go "hmmm" when I think about my MH C&P exam. The person kept asking me why did I wait so long to reach out for help. He couldn't grasp the idea that for all those years I truly believed help wasn't available for me. I mean, who wouldn't right? First off, when I got caught in the act of prepping to cut my wrists, and no real help was offered, why would I, or anyone else, even think for a second that then help is there, when it wasn't offered or ordered. And all the rest of my enlistment, and the years after, the only help offered and advertised, was for combat Vets, for PTSD and such. That in no way tells me that help is there for non-combatants like me, especially since I didn't have any non-combat related traumatic events either. Add to that the shame and humiliation associated with a Marine asking for MH help is to much to bear. It's so much easier to keep it inside, hidden away. No one knows, and probably never will, except God, and I don't think He's telling anybody about me. I've tried talking to my own Dad, but he thinks I talk to much...according to the grapevine. My wife thinks worse than that, so no support there. To this day, the only person I have talked to that seemed truly and genuinely interested and concerned, was the lady on the crisis hot line. And it amazes me how often you hear of suicide victims family and friends saying stuff like, we never knew, had no idea, and so on and so forth. Well, it's because no one wants to listen or cares enough to let the sufferer vent. I say a lot of things on here that I don't tell anyone else...none of you know me, and I know many of you face similar situations. Back to my cage in the dungeon...

navycoms, I forgot to mention this all important alert memo....just because the law says the VA must rate you based on your highest level bracket symptoms...it don't mean they will. More often than not, the VA lowballs Vets on their ratings...if they don't outright deny your claim...which they do 85% of the time. Semper Fi.

No, because you will only be rated on your most sever MH DX like PTSD and MDD. However those issues will increase the severity of your MDD and that will bring you into a higher rating bracket. So without knowing what you deal with, you may be looking at a 50% rating for PTSD, or MDD.

Thanks, EODCMC I appreciate that. See, here's the thing, I tried to drink myself out, a few times, which resulted in a few lost days on the floor of my barracks room, and nobody noticed, since each time my roomie was out of town. And plenty of black outs with no memory of anything. And then I was seconds away from running a blade down the length of my forearms and a fellow Marine caught/stopped me with my hand in motion. From there he took me to my division chief, an O-3, who didn't know what to do, so he sent me to the base Chaplain. We talked for 30 minutes....and that was it, that was the extent of my MH evaluation. No medical or mental health doctors, no therapy, no follow up from my chief or the Chaplain. Guess who felt like they didn't matter, that no one was concerned about them? It must have been true, because if either my chief or the Chaplain had made an official report, wouldn't someone have looked into it? Maybe suicide in the early mid-90s Marine Corps was a hidden/ignored issue. I even mentioned it once or twice on health questionaires while still in, and then at my first VA eval/checkup where I initiated contact, to get in the system for regular treatment, nothing either. And that was only ten months after my EAS. And like a tiny splinter that gets infected, if left go, can then, infect the whole body and poison it, and end up causing death, from a tiny ignored splinter. Yep, beyond falling down some stairs in the very beginning, there was really no other specific event that happened. Even getting picked up for public intox, which got me an Article 15/NJP, happened a little over a year after the wrist cutting attempt. I had trouble sleeping due to the pain from that fantastic voyage down the stairway(not to heaven, tho), and started drinking to help fall asleep. I even used OTC sleep aids, which helped but left me too groggy in the morning. That drinking took me down the road to the aforementioned NJP. Finally, 17 years later, I called the hotline as I was about to step off the point of no return. I've been in treatment 13 months now, and only feel slightly better. My VA therapist is pretty good, but can't help me. Tells me that regs prevent him from doing a DBQ or writing a nexus letter on my behalf. It all started with a quick flight down a 12 step stairway, on day 5 of Boot Camp. Okay, cork back in the bottle, bottle buried back in the dark reaches of my mind.....

Right, what Buck said. For me, in particular, since I was a Marines Air Wing maintenance type, the exposure to aircraft engines over 5.5 years based on my MOS cemented my claim for tinnitus.

Tinnitus isn't something tangible, like hearing loss, it's noise inside your head due to damaged nerves in your inner ear. So it's like the ghost sounds of something no longer there, like a phantom itch of an amputated digit or extremity. It really will depend on what your MOS was, to verify noise exposure, or combat experience, where you were exposed to gunfire or artillery, or even IEDs going off. It can be cumulative from constant exposure, or from a one time even...like working around aircraft or artillery, or a single IED blast. And pretty much 10% is all they ever give for that.

I just looked at it again, since I didn't look anywhere else, earlier, to see if there was any clue to what it may be. That appeal was filed in October of 15. And it still shows as pending on my disabilities list. But the new one says Entitlement to EED filed on 7/9/16 and says INC out to the side, same as the other one. What's curious is when I filed a few appeals a few months ago, there was no change with the first one. And both the October 15 and the July 16 both specifically say for my pes cavus w/plantar fasciitis bilateral disability. Sure as heck don't want to get my hopes up for anything, certainly not retro $ for a 9yr 4mos increase that a 30% added to 40% rate would bring. Can't tell nobody, either, cuz that would drive a person insane, thinking of something that is so close you can feel it, but still so far away you can't see it. Worse yet, I already crunched the numbers and figured out what the minimum and maximum $ ranges would be. This is the first ebennies message/change/update that I ever had that made me think something good may be in the not too far off distance.