ptsd Am I The Legal Surviving Spouse/widow Of Deceased Disbled Vet?

[Guest Gail]

I need help. This is kinda confusing, but I will try to explain. I married my now deceased husband the first time while he was in the military, 02-12-1971. We lived in my home state of Georgia. He suffered from 100% disability for PTSD from Vietnam. Ok..we divorced from our cerimonial marriage of 2-12-1971 due to his constant infidelity. BUT.. PRIOR to the divorce hearing we had reconcilled and I obtained the divorce anyway, and on the day our divorce was final, we formed a common law marriage which in Georgia as it was prior to 01-97 it is legal, and there had to be a divorce to end it. We carried on our lives as the usual married couple would. Nothing changed. We lived as husband and wife, presented as husband and wife and we did everything as husband and wife. We met all the criteria for legal common law married couples.

In Mid 1982, he deserted me due to his infidelity, and when the affair ended, He went back to his home state of Wisconsin in August of 1982. He told me he would take care of the divorce up there. He kept in touch with me thru all these years, and assured me we were divorced and he would send me the papers, 'when he found his copy'. Meanwhile, he remarries 3 times in WI, and has 2 children by a second marriage in Wisconsin, and was 'married' to #3 up there when he died. I remarried because I was pregnant, divorced my child's father and remarried him again. I have been divorced for 13 years from my childs dad.

I found out since I had not heard from him for several months, from his mom in WI, that on 06-28-01 he passed away. I was grief stricken and still am. About a year or so after I found about his death, I was curious as to when he divorced me in WI. I had a record search done. HE NEVER DIVORCED ME FROM OUR LEGAL COMMON LAW MARRIAGE. This means that neither of us were free to enter into any kind of marriage due to the fact that we were still married to each other. My marriages are not valid nor was any of his.

This has turned my world, and my daughters upside down. His mom talked me into applying for DIC.

I have sent in statements from his dad, (now deceased), his mom and his sister, along with statements from my sisters and some of our friends verifying that we lived as husband and wife, held ourselves out to be husband and wife and presented ourselves as married in every way. I even sent a statement from the man that owned a house we rented while we were in the common law marriage. Needless to say I am having fits from the VA. I sent in all this in July 2004, and after being told they never received it, sent it again, and still was told they didn't have it, questioned any claim for I was to do, was told nothing and I don't know who read all the info I sent in, but you would think they got their info from a completely different source than what I said, and they denied my claim. I sent in a disagreement letter. I had to beg for the form 21-5 something, and sent it, they denied getting it..I have sent 3 and still don't know. The Atlanta VA office says they cannot help me for the VA represented the 'other wife' and told me to use the VSO office here in Gainesville, and I did, and called and told them I had signed the power of attorney, within the 60 day period they gave me. I want and need representation. NOW GET THIS...I called the VA back and they told me that the VSO could not represent me because it was a part of the VA that had represented the 'other wife'...WHAT DO I DO? I spoke with a Mr. Gilmer here that is head of some Viet Vet thing state wide, I think, I explained it all to him and he said I had a case, that I was still legally married to my dead husband until he died, and not to give up. I have heard nothing more, received no more forms, not any kind of help nothing, and the power of attorney was mailed this July. So, who am I? Common sense tells me I am his widow, and this mess is awful. I meet all the VA requirements for surviving spouse, and can even use the continous cohabitation requirement, as he deserted me due to infidelity and I had no part in the separation,

SO WHAT DO I DO? Is there anyone out here that can help me? I am disabled now, and the 'other wife' quit her job and is not working and has been living with another man since 3 months after the death of the veteran. HELP, please!!!! Is this clear to anyone out there? Seems I was an unwilling bigamist. I guess I should have pressed more for the papers or check for myself. The deceased was in the process of going to divorce the 'other wife' and move back to GA but he died before he could.

[Guest Gail]

Thank you for your reply Morgan and also your condolences. I am sure you understand the statement I made about the War Memorial Cemetary, vs. the cremated, in the closet while she cohabits with another man since he was dead only 3 month.

I have spent many hours researching this that and the other and I can say one thing, the VA can really confuse you. I kinda figured out they make their own laws don't they?

I guess I will spend many more hours at this ole computer. It would seem logical that the law of if you are not legally divorced from one spouse and you marry another, it is not valid cause of the obvious reasons.

I don't understand that if, and I cannot remember the name they gave this, as I stated before, you enter into a marriage contract that is legal in the state in which it was formed, that any other state has to recognize that marriage as being legal also. Lord luv a duck!

Now it is just wait. I have been sent nothing since my letter of disagreement. I could not believe what i read from them. There was things that said that my letter stated, that were clearly not anywhere in it; it even stated that the deceased and I borne a child together When I told them I had miscarried at about 6 wks into a pregnancy and my only 'borne' child was not borne with the deceased. It would truly amaze you.

I even have my engraved wedding band that he gave me for our common law marriage about a week into it saying 09-08-78 DWH to NGH my wife, again & forevermore. OH well. If I had not become so determined to 'set the record right' and to rectify the wrongs that had been done by all of this, then my daughter would not have been hurt by all this. Tell me, would anybody do this just for the fun of it, knowing that the results that if added up came out to what this is, would do this? It would take a crazy person to do this if it were not right.

[JR Reihs]

Gail

I am not to say that you are or not entitled to the benefits you claim, but you realy need to hire 2 diffrent lawyers , one in the common law state.......and one where he re married, both must be willing to work together, as multiple court actions will need to be filed in both states to declare which marrige will hold, both yours and his separate and together.

Without this court order you will probably not get anywhere with the VA given that both of you remarried.

[Guest Berta]

"I stated he married 3 more women in WI, and had children by the 2nd one he married in WI, and he was living with and going to divorce #3 in WI when he died."

I believe that the VA would find that the wife # 3, since they were not divorced and were co-habiting at time of death-is the legal widow for VA DIC purposes.

This is supported by VA regs within 38 USC 101 (3), and 38 CFR 3.50 (;)(1) (2004)

I believe this is the argument that VA would use to deny your claim for DIC.

Common law marriages are recognised many times by the VA.

I helped a widow of a vet file a 21-634 form for DIC.-and they never married each other or anyone else.They were together for over 20 years and had two children.

She is fully eligible for DIC benefits-if she can prove her common law husband's death (suicide) was contributed to by his PTSD. Their non legal state of cohabitation fully satisfied VA purposes as "valid marriage".

[Guest Gail]

I had read in some of the VA info, that the 'continuous habitation' could be met if claimant was not the one in fault of the separtion. I was in no part responsible for the desertion of myself.

So, in other words, it doesent matter if the marriage was legal, or even valid because we were still married, the VA does not look at the legality of you cannot remarry and have a valid marriage if you have a living, non divorced spouse? They do not look at it as a state would?

[Guest Berta]

How do you know that his death was or could have been service connected?

That , plus valid spousal status, is what generates DIC.

I get DIC but need to offer a personal situation-

In 1983-85 I had a live-in boyfriend- a Vietnam Vet with a PH and other SC disabilities.

We broke up -as I became engaged to Rod- and remained friends and he even helped us move to New York.

Then he went back to Honolulu- he was a Hawaiian-and married someone out there.

Does this mean that, if he died, and it was due to service connected causes, that I could get DIC?

No way-I get it from my valid husband's service and his death.

Even if I had never remarried and even if he was still living with his wife but 'going to get a divorce' whatever that means-

the VA would recognise his wife in Honolulu for DIC purposes-if he died due to service connected causes.

[10thFO]

I agree with Berta on this one.

You were under the impression that you two were divorced even under "common Law" practices which is witnessed in the fact that he remarried and you remarried. As for his wishes to you to be buried in the memorial cemetary as opposed to being up on the closet shelf in a bottle. How do you know he didn't change his wishes, and let his legal wife know of it.

My father-in-law is a judge and there seem to be enough conditions in your case to say that you and he believed that you were both seperated. He remarried three times and you did twice to the same man. I'll come right out and say it, "why drag all of this crap up now?"

You say your daughter is traumatized because she is now out of wedlock? She wouldn't be, even if she is, if you didn't think you could get some money out of this.

No judge will say that you are deserving of the money. The fact is that even if you were common law married, that your actions of seperating and then remarrying many times supercedes the fact of it. In essence by your remarriages you in fact rendered your common law marriage as null and void.

Please don't put this veterans family through any more. It's hard enough for families to live with a man that has PTSD. Seems to me that his other spouses and definitely his 3rd spouse have endured more with this man than you. Let him rest.

I don't mind trying to help Vets and their family's but you were no longer a part of his family.