ptsd Psychologist I Have - Read At Own Risk

[carlie]

During the last 6 to 8 months I have had a VA psychologist

that is a resident at the VA - she is not yet a PsyD.

Last week she asked me, if I felt that having a claim with VA to

SC my PTSD, was standing in the way of my treatment.

When she asked me this I just totally shut down, got up

and told her I need to write her a letter and I would see her

again next week, which was today.

This is the letter I gave her today - then did her little VA

questionaire, and left.

I would like to know if other's here have had an experience similar to this

and how it left them feeling.

Thanks,

carlie

During our session today you asked me if I felt my VA claim for Service connection of PTSD was standing in the way of treatment.

I really don't know how to answer or take this question coming from a person that is providing therapy to help me deal with issues of daily living and ways to deal with my mental health problems.

My first feeling was to ask myself, is she trying to bring my anger out because I sure don't want to have this happen here at the VA because I will be the one to end up with more trouble. My next feeling and thought concerned how very long it took me to admit to myself that I had been raped while on active duty.

I would never admit or accept this as I did not have broken bones, wasn't beat to hell, wasn't tied up or ended up in a hospital with blood dripping from anywhere.

It has taken years of therapy for me to admit and accept that just by someone holding me against my wilI and being able to physically force a part of their body into mine - is rape.

All my life I thought like many, many other people. I thought for someone to rape me they would have to kiIl me first. Therapy taught me that wasn't true.

Somehow our last session seems to have destroyed everything I thought I had learned from my PTSD therapy so far. I wiIl let you know this, should I win the lottery and be a millionaire, I will continue with my claim for PTSD to be service connected.

I feel, had this not happened to me while in the army neither I, nor my family would not have to suffer with all of the crap, the fear, nightmares, flashbacks, anger, hate for myself, all and more, from PTSD.

Before all of the PTSD problems began I was a viable citizen.

I was employed, made a decent living and was able to contribute to

society -that is dead and Iam nothing.

It took Dr.Maria Crane, Dr. Shriner and several others a very long time for me to accept this,the true definition of rape.

It took years for me to know why I was always so angry and short with others, why I didn't sleep well, why I always felt like I was fighting the world.

When the ENT at Baypines assaulted me, it took the people above to connect the dots for me as to why I have this PTSD.

I just could not understand inside of my head -just what active duty assaults had to do with the assault from the doctor.

They helped me understand it was a delayed onset of PTSD and that is how active duty assault relates to the doctor, me and PTSD.

VA Disability compensation is paid for injury or Illness caused during military service.

Whether a person needs money or not isn't a factor in granting or denying daims.

I will always stand on the side of fairness and justice.

Edited January 29, 2009 by carlie

[Commander Bob]

Bob,

At this time I will keep her as she is the only

resource available, besides residential PTSD

exposure therapy.

Seeing her weekly helps keep me in check

for SI/HI.

carlie

Then she is worth keeping for now.

[luvHIM]

"Whether a person needs money or not isn't a factor in granting or denying daims.

I will always stand on the side of fairness and justice."

I could not agree more with the last two sentences of your letter.

What you posted is very similar to my own story, which is why I never went that route...until recently. Nothing has been more challenging or more difficult for me to acknowledge and work through than the rape in service that led to me needing antidepressants and group therapy for PTSD.

Although, I have not personally dealt with such a remark...yet(which I add because I think that's what it's coming to for some women) but someone in my therapy group is going through a similar situation with her PCP's nurse assistant. With your permission, I would like to copy and print your letter to give to her.

[free_spirit_etc]

Carlie,

I so respect and admire you. I think you handled the situation so eloquently. Your letter really touched me.

I hope your therapist handles the situation with integrity. I hope after talking to her again you will have more insight into whether you can still trust her - and to what extent.

You seem to be very good at discerning people - and I trust that you will know.

And by all means - trust yourself.

Free

[carlie]

luvHIM,

You are welcome to use the letter.

carlie

[luvHIM]

luvHIM,

You are welcome to use the letter.

carlie

Okay, Carlie...thanks