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ptsd Hoarding...is It Related To A Control Issue?
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Question
halos2
Since being not able to work for quite some years I have become someone who insists on keeping everything. I read as much as I can about the VA system. Over the years I have become a "horder." Everything is clean, but in abundance. Too many clothes, saving from childen's young ages. Too many magazines, newspapers, peridiocals, journals, 3 printers worth of VA case studies/va hints from vets of claim issues/downloads of regulations/statues...papers...papers and more papers. And all of my books, VBM, VA claims self help books...
I know I can't control so many things/issues in my life but I can on what I want to keep.
I believe my PTSD/OCD/Chronic Anxiety/Chronic Depression has truly manifested in the outward problem of being a horder.
I can't control the outcome of my claim, what another may approve/disaprove with their acceptance/rejection, but I can or maybe I can't? control my surroundings. I become overwhelmed when I look at the boxes, bags, stacks of STUFF!
I feel I am somewhat rational, am educated, basically have a good heart when it come to helping others...but this is way too powerful!
It sucumbs me, and envelopes me in the surrounding and mountains of STUFF! Why I ask myself each day? Because in my life and how it has changed THIS is, although ridiculous, what I CAN CONTROL.
When my family ask why I blow it off.
One's socioeconomic level has nothing to do with this behavior. I feel my inability to perform in the healthcare industry, as I did for years, has left me with such idle time that I have to be able to control something...it is not forfilling/nor is any satisfaction received keeping the stuff...but...but that is the wall that's blocking discarding that which is truly of no value.
I have put trash bags in each room to discard papers, and boxes to give away clothes, but they are less than 1/2 full over a few weeks time.
Control is power to me...last I give up some to reap the rewards of an uncluttered space would afford me some peace in my life. Anyone else have this problem related to their claims issues?? I have never smoked, or drank alcoholic beverages, which I know some people use to help them survive. But keeping SO much stuff is wearing me down. I have tried a little discarding at a time, but the mounds are vast.
Really inquiring if there are any other HORDERS out there?? Is your behavior related to your claims dealings too??
Edited by halos2Link to comment
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