ptsd New Beginning Registering For Va Mental Health Ptsd Mdd Psychotic Features

[82airborne]

Well today I called the Va to start mental health treatment. I was informed that I needed to register with patient services. So either today or tomorrow I will go to the mental health clinic to begin treatment. So after I go down there and see if I can be seen and helped I will update the results. Prozac seems to only help me be more social. It does nothing for my violent side. So I plan to stay in treatment until I get this mental situation under control.

[82airborne]

Well I tried to mingle with civilians and in a week. I almost got in two fights. Deep inside I want it bad pain but LoW key I don't want jail time. Only thing that stopped me from beating these people ass they backed down from me. All I want to do is be in a peaceful place. But I'm surrounded by idiots. Los angeles. I need to move some where where it's not so many people. Also I'm ready for my claim to be over. So I can live my life. Oh yeah at night when I'm waking up. I'm seeing stuff moving around in the dark like alot of stuff. I feel like a madman. I have no choice but to lock myself back in the house. I am way to violent to be with normal idiots. What's crazy is the more I try to avoid violence it seems people wanna test me. They don't know even tho I'm trying not to fight. I want it so bad I LoVE pain from being punched. They are going to open my hidden desires. OOOH well. It's only doctor psychiatrist and me being inside my apartment.

:^{

[carlie]

Yeah it was unbearable

VA can get you either bioteen (sp) or Oasis mouth spray to

combat the dry mouth.

The Oasis works best for me.

[carlie]

Well I tried to mingle with civilians and in a week. I almost got in two fights. Deep inside I want it bad pain but LoW key I don't want jail time. Only thing that stopped me from beating these people ass they backed down from me. All I want to do is be in a peaceful place. But I'm surrounded by idiots. Los angeles. I need to move some where where it's not so many people. Also I'm ready for my claim to be over. So I can live my life. Oh yeah at night when I'm waking up. I'm seeing stuff moving around in the dark like alot of stuff. I feel like a madman. I have no choice but to lock myself back in the house. I am way to violent to be with normal idiots. What's crazy is the more I try to avoid violence it seems people wanna test me. They don't know even tho I'm trying not to fight. I want it so bad I LoVE pain from being punched. They are going to open my hidden desires. OOOH well. It's only doctor psychiatrist and me being inside my apartment.

:^{

Therapy and self training can teach you how to react differently in stressful situations.

We have NO control over all the idiots out there -

but we CAN have COMPLETE control over OUR reactions and how we react.

Walking away is REAL EASY - Just Do It !

I myself think I can be quite a bad azz - but have to keep in mind, I'm not the only

bad azz out there.

In other words just because I feel I am capable of taking them down, many of them

are also capable of taking me down.

[82airborne]

Therapy and self training can teach you how to react differently in stressful situations.

We have NO control over all the idiots out there -

but we CAN have COMPLETE control over OUR reactions and how we react.

Walking away is REAL EASY - Just Do It !

I myself think I can be quite a bad azz - but have to keep in mind, I'm not the only

bad azz out there.

In other words just because I feel I am capable of taking them down, many of them

are also capable of taking me down.

Yes You are right. I thought I was ready to hang out and get out the house. It could be because I stopped taking those mood stabilizer. I been kind of tweaking out since I stopped taking those. So I'm back in the house from here on out until I improve my anger issues

[82airborne]

Well since I'm locked back in the house. I'm pretty much been on my best behavior. I don't know why I thought I was ready to try being SoCial again. Being out in the world seemed to make me more violent. I need to leave the big city and go to a much slower part of California. It's people crawling around here like ants. Drunks bums rude people. No matter how much I try to avoid conflict here it's always there soon as I walk out my front door. Yes I'm back to INSOOOOOMNIAAAA every mourning I'm awake at 3-4 am. Yes waking up from a weird nightmare of some sort. I'm up to 5 prazosin at night for nightmares. They just don't seem to be working. My head hurts just about everyday. to tell y'all the truth I don't know how I got to where I'm at. I like it better when I was just being wild and didn't care about my actions. When I wasn't taking almost ten pills at night. Well I will not be leaving the house. I will be locked away just going to my doctors and psych appointments nothing more. I guess I will try to go back to sleep now that I got this stuff off my mind!!!!! Goooooodnight/Goooodmourning. :-/

[82airborne]

Well here I am again. My head hurts my heart seems to be pounding a million times a minute. Well my mind kept messing with me about this individual that was asking me stupid questions in my neighborhood. For two days I been wanting to get this guy. Well I fell weak I put on my kombat boots and hit the highway in search of my question asking buddy. I searched for about 30 minutes street by street till I found him. I asked him did he have a problem where I would have to worry about him later. Long story short. He didn't want to fight. Deep inside I didn't want to harm him but he seemed like a future threat. Night and day this guy was on my mind. But thank GOD HE DIDN'T ACT MAD ARE OUT OF LINE. I don't really think I considered him a threat I just needed a dose of physical pain. Low key I got to get away from where I'm at I'm tired of locking myself inside my room. I need to be some where I can walk around where it is a low number of people. Man I just feel numb inside everyday all day. When I got home from my moment f rage all I could think f is wow. Why did I even go over there I'm sure he wasn't taking it as hard as I was. It seems most the time when I attack people they act like they wasn't even trying to go that far. I feel that I am ultimately dooomed for jail or death. If I can't get my actions under control I will soon perish I'm sure of it. Deep inside I do wish for death at times. I am physically and mentally screwed and it seems like people wanna play games with me. Everyday I check ebenefits checking to see if they took they service connection away from me. I will be glad when my claim is complete so I can move away to another location. This seems like all one big nightmare and not to mention I'm up to 5 PRAZOSIN AT NIGHT FOR nightmares and guess what I'm still having stupid weird violent dreams. Ooooooh well I'm off to bed. :^{ I hope my tomorrow will be better.