ptsd New Beginning Registering For Va Mental Health Ptsd Mdd Psychotic Features

[82airborne]

Well today I called the Va to start mental health treatment. I was informed that I needed to register with patient services. So either today or tomorrow I will go to the mental health clinic to begin treatment. So after I go down there and see if I can be seen and helped I will update the results. Prozac seems to only help me be more social. It does nothing for my violent side. So I plan to stay in treatment until I get this mental situation under control.

[82airborne]

Wow another day. My head still hurts and I'm feeling nauseous almost everyday. My head literally feels like its going to pop. I have another psychology C&P for what I don't know why. I just wish this stuff was over with. I'm tired of worrying if I will e able to survive with the income that I have. I would love to move away from all these people. I want a house with a garden. A German Shepard I can play with. I live upstairs in a apartment. As I go down my stairs my legs shake from not being strong as they use to be. My feet hurt for no given reason mainly my toes and where my foot connects to my leg. I still crave pain some days. I pretty much haven't left the house since my last week. Everything still seems like a bad dream. I wish I would wake up and find out that I can walk and live day to day without pain. Wake up with love in my heart for people instead of these violent thoughts I have everyday. I really don't want to live like this for the rest of my life. I feel like a madman. My everyday pain is better than my psychological issues. OOOH well I guess I will try to go to sleep. Ooh yeah I'm still having nightmares it's getting harder and harder for me to go to sleep at night. I'm waking up every three hours. My eyes hurt. I don't know if my own agony Makes me want to beat people up or what it is. I have bags under my eyes like I haven't slept in months.

Edited July 6, 2013 by 82airborne

[82airborne]

Well I went to my psychiatrist. He upped my Prozac up to 60mg. He said it should help calm Me down. I hope so. I have vocational rehab tomorrow. Also I have to go to a C&P exam on the 15th of this month. I believe it it tdiu for my service connected injuries. I also have another psych C&P exam on the 26th of THis month. I will be glad when all this is over. I'm tired of worrying about the outcomes of my claims. I am ready to move away from such a populated place. Also he told me to go to 6 prazosin at night to see if that helps with my WIERD nightmares. Yes I'm still locked inside the house. I do not plan on going anywhere besides doctor visits. Thanx for having me!!!!

[82airborne]

Well I had a psychology exam today. Seem like it went ok. I don't know. Hopefully my claim will be over and done with soon. So I can just concentrate on recovery and no worries on how I will survive handicap with little money to provide for my child. Will I live a life of poverty never being able to afford my own house. Will I be a burden for everybody. I don't want to live the rest of my life uncomfortable broke and hurting everyday. Ooh well. This is where I'm at as of now. Still getting headaches nausea and everyday pain from foot to shoulder. 60mg of Prozac everyday 6 Prazosin and hydrocodone to make me extra drowsy so I can sleep until mourning without waking up. Tomorrow is another day

[82airborne]

Well I went to non combat PTSD group. I didn't say a word. I felt nauseous and my head just felt dizzy. Also my head is ringing. My psychiatrist told me something rather important. He told me not to go to places that anger me. So I have pretty much just even going to psych and doctor appointments. I'm pretty much drowsy thru the day. Since my upgrade to 60mg of Prozac I have not got angry but while I sit with my PTSD group all I KAN think about is violent thoughts towards my group. Of course I will not act out on non of my thoughts but believe me they are there. My hands shake like I'm 97 years old. It's almost embarrassing when I'm at the hamburger stand or store when I got to give the cashier change my hands or shaking bad like a psychopath. I wonder when will I feel regular are will I be permantly screwed for life. I have been going to counseling off and on for over three years off and on. I've token many Medicines for my mental. I don't really feel any different. It's only one thing that has got better and that's my relationship with my daughters mother. I believe I am looking at a life time of isolation to avoid jail. So soon as I save enough money I am moving to a slower part of town. Away from so many rude obnoxious people. Oh yeah the group psych said pick a mantram which is peaceful words to keep me KALM in the event of anger. Also I have been excepted into vocational rehabilitation program. So I just don't know where my life is headed hopefully i will start to see a light at the end of the tunnel because right now I feel like I am in pure darkness numb to the world. I really want to socialize with people but it just don't seem possible. Maybe my answer is at my old church. :^{. Really I feel like running away to the woods forever. OOOH well. Maybe one day I will see happy days outside of this room.

[carlie]

Well I had a psychology exam today. Seem like it went ok. I don't know. Hopefully my claim will be over and done with soon. So I can just concentrate on recovery and no worries on how I will survive handicap with little money to provide for my child. Will I live a life of poverty never being able to afford my own house. Will I be a burden for everybody. I don't want to live the rest of my life uncomfortable broke and hurting everyday. Ooh well. This is where I'm at as of now. Still getting headaches nausea and everyday pain from foot to shoulder. 60mg of Prozac everyday 6 Prazosin and hydrocodone to make me extra drowsy so I can sleep until mourning without waking up. Tomorrow is another day

Are you getting SSDI plus VA comp at 50 percent along with dependent allowance for your child ?

[82airborne]

Are you getting SSDI plus VA comp at 50 percent along with dependent allowance for your child ?

SSDI AND 50% yes. They haven't payed me for my defendants. It's rather expensive in California. Even in the bad neighborhoods you are paying at least 1200 for a two bedroom apartment. I want to be able to live independently without having to live with people. Some where where I can walk to the liquor store without being shot. Even tho I can defend myself I don't want to live looking over my shoulder just to get a pack of cigarettes. The area I'm in you are almost forced to beat up people because nobody have respect. I am happy that I am now service connected and I get SSDI but after paying all the bills and taking care of my family. I am still stuck in the house broke with no options but to watch tv. Also my benefits are just now kicking in. I have been in debt up to my ears since I became unable to work. So I'm just digging myself out of the hole I been in for over three years.