Life After 100% Service Connection

[82airborne]

Well now that my claim is finished I'm trying to discharge my student loans so my credit will get better. The vocational rehab guy keep telling me about school. I might as well go to the prison and ask them to enroll MEE. At this point me and people do not mix. Also I don't want to commit to anything. Before I do anything I need to get my health together. I'm pretty much bleeding from time to time out of both ends. Yes. Old doc say my liver point is up most likely to being a alcoholic when I was in my twenties. I been avoiding all contact with unknown people. All I really want. It is not money for school but I just want my credit to get right where I can get a home loan then I pretty much want to disappear to the suburbs of California. Education I can read books. I have no desire to be around people. I walk with a cane every day. I see people looking at me then turning they head when i look they way. But not to stray from what I'm saying I put in for a school loan discharge so I will attempt on letting YALL know how it helps my credit if it do. So this is where I'm at now still going to the psych and medical doctors at the va. So my main goal is to pretty much disappear but not disappear from society.

[rosypalm]

Geodon has been giving me a hard time. Driving is so hard on it. Psychology to Psychiatry has been throughout my Medical history with the VA. Prozac to abilify to geodon. VA mental health is a mission rather than a request. My understanding is the process of therapy is a lifetime mission.

[82airborne]

Geodon has been giving me a hard time. Driving is so hard on it. Psychology to Psychiatry has been throughout my Medical history with the VA. Prozac to abilify to geodon. VA mental health is a mission rather than a request. My understanding is the process of therapy is a lifetime mission.

Yeah my last psych said I would more than likely have to be on medicine and counseling for the rest of my life. :-/. But at least we are getting help

[john999]

I have the wake-up thing as well. Of course, I have Apnea so I wake up with dry mouth and have to drink and then have to urinate. This goes on about every two hours all night. I understand reluctance to go in-patient at the VA, however if you have psychotic thoughts patterns and have any insight then carry yourself to the VA. At least you are safe there with their crummy food. They have time to get your meds straight. If you stop taking meds because of side effects then the symptoms of psychosis will return. You must communicate with your doctors about the drugs you take. This is all experimentation on shrink's part. They just try different combinations on you until something works. I don't understand why you have to be a prisoner in your house if drugs are working? Also, are you getting psychotherapy?

John

[82airborne]

I have the wake-up thing as well. Of course, I have Apnea so I wake up with dry mouth and have to drink and then have to urinate. This goes on about every two hours all night. I understand reluctance to go in-patient at the VA, however if you have psychotic thoughts patterns and have any insight then carry yourself to the VA. At least you are safe there with their crummy food. They have time to get your meds straight. If you stop taking meds because of side effects then the symptoms of psychosis will return. You must communicate with your doctors about the drugs you take. This is all experimentation on shrink's part. They just try different combinations on you until something works. I don't understand why you have to be a prisoner in your house if drugs are working? Also, are you getting psychotherapy?

John

I'm getting counseling. I told them that I stopped taking the respiradone. I stay in the house because of how violent I get when somebody messes with me. I don't want the problems so my only solution is to stay in the house which I DONT mind I keep a lot of gadgets here to keep me busy.

[john999]

The Army put me on one of the older anti-psychotic drugs way back in the day. I could not tolerate it. I started get those cramps and all the other stuff, so I really understand that. How often do you go in for counseling and who is doing it? I am not being nosey because in your condition as you describe it you need a lot of counseling and not from a social worker. I have been through this when I got out of the Army. I went to weekly one on one counseling and group via a private source since it was much cheaper then. I went to a clinical psychologist who understood drug reactions.

I did not stay at home when I was crazy. I wondered the streets of run down area of town. Not such a good idea but I was not getting but 10% and was trying to use the G.I. Bill, and working to hold onto a cheap apartment with rats thrown in for free. If you can afford it get a private therapist you can see at least once a week. They might have a group you could get into which is great. You may think you are radiating violent vibes but you may not appear that way to others. Group therapy did me the most good. I was in group with some PTSD vets who were really violent and some non-vets who were crazy as hell, but we all got along and used to go out to dinner after group.

What kind of stable relationships do you have? Are you alone most of the time. That is not real good for you. I just don't trust the VA to do what they should for vets undergoing great difficulties. Even one hour of group a week can give you a real boost. You may not like it at first because you have to share eventually. The other members of the group will share stuff they would not tell a priest or their wife, mother or best friend.

John

[82airborne]

The Army put me on one of the older anti-psychotic drugs way back in the day. I could not tolerate it. I started get those cramps and all the other stuff, so I really understand that. How often do you go in for counseling and who is doing it? I am not being nosey because in your condition as you describe it you need a lot of counseling and not from a social worker. I have been through this when I got out of the Army. I went to weekly one on one counseling and group via a private source since it was much cheaper then. I went to a clinical psychologist who understood drug reactions.

I did not stay at home when I was crazy. I wondered the streets of run down area of town. Not such a good idea but I was not getting but 10% and was trying to use the G.I. Bill, and working to hold onto a cheap apartment with rats thrown in for free. If you can afford it get a private therapist you can see at least once a week. They might have a group you could get into which is great. You may think you are radiating violent vibes but you may not appear that way to others. Group therapy did me the most good. I was in group with some PTSD vets who were really violent and some non-vets who were crazy as hell, but we all got along and used to go out to dinner after group.

What kind of stable relationships do you have? Are you alone most of the time. That is not real good for you. I just don't trust the VA to do what they should for vets undergoing great difficulties. Even one hour of group a week can give you a real boost. You may not like it at first because you have to share eventually. The other members of the group will share stuff they would not tell a priest or their wife, mother or best friend.

John

I was going to kaiser but they cut my Medicare so now I'm getting scheduling to a va doctor. IM in a relationship that I been in fir over 15 years. With my daughters mother. I did the 16 week ptsd group counseling. Really I didn't like it. Ok this is why the people in my group was actually va employees it made it seem like they was fake. I couldn't wait until the meeting was over all of them seemed like agents and I was a test rat. TRULLY all I could think about when they was talking I was getting images of bad things happening to my group members. I start to have anxiety attacks when I'm around to many people sometimes it drives me to angry tears. I'm not totally alone the kids go to school and my gal go to work. It seems that EVERYTIME I get a new psych med I have a violent spree. This past year I been on almost every drug you can imagine. I found that isolation works best for me. Inside the house playing with my gadgets. The voices and little sounds I hear that I know is not there do not bother me anymore I've been dealing with it for to long. I'm just glad the vA didn't push my claim to the side. I was at my breaking end. I cant lie its people that I would love to get my hands on and if I see them I will probably not do what is right. My main stress was trying to work with people I would want to hurt them so bad I would spit up blood and pass out. So since I don't have to work THATS less stress. All I want is to fix my credit where I can buy a house. Then I'm disappearing from my friends and family which I'm sure they will visit but the majority of my time will be by myself. Also to tell the truth this Prozac only help me with a small part of my life. It does nothing for my rage its like I go through straight periods of mania. I have no desire to be around strangers. It's always that one person that likes to test my anger thresh hold. When I'm triggered nothing matters until I either do bodily damage or they apologize and make sure I know that they will not be a future threat. Some where in my life something went terribly wrong. I am polite and genuinely a nice person I just flip out when treated disrespectfully really I like this better than group counseling because people face to face IM like a wolf it seems like I since out people who don't like me and once I start disliking a person THATS when I start to mess with them. I'm trying to write this without being to graphic I wish I could really speak my mind buti am the black sheep. I use to beg GOD for death it's still a part of me that still craves it. I find myself drinking my blood at times for what purpose none at all. All this seems like one bad dream that I cant wake up from. I really don't see how drugs and therapy is going to help me because after my psych finish talking my desires is still there. Sooooo to avoid all of the things I just talked about I just stay to myself its more safer that way. In the house everything I do is pretty much alone. I just don't feel like IM one of the regular people everybody seems different in a non interesting way. OOOOH well THATS about it for today. I hope I wasn't to graphic if I was I apologize. This is about the closest I want to get to group counseling. Once again thanx for allowing me a plan to unleash my inner demons