Life After 100% Service Connection

[82airborne]

Well now that my claim is finished I'm trying to discharge my student loans so my credit will get better. The vocational rehab guy keep telling me about school. I might as well go to the prison and ask them to enroll MEE. At this point me and people do not mix. Also I don't want to commit to anything. Before I do anything I need to get my health together. I'm pretty much bleeding from time to time out of both ends. Yes. Old doc say my liver point is up most likely to being a alcoholic when I was in my twenties. I been avoiding all contact with unknown people. All I really want. It is not money for school but I just want my credit to get right where I can get a home loan then I pretty much want to disappear to the suburbs of California. Education I can read books. I have no desire to be around people. I walk with a cane every day. I see people looking at me then turning they head when i look they way. But not to stray from what I'm saying I put in for a school loan discharge so I will attempt on letting YALL know how it helps my credit if it do. So this is where I'm at now still going to the psych and medical doctors at the va. So my main goal is to pretty much disappear but not disappear from society.

[john999]

Would it be financially possible for your GF to stay at home with you. Do you tell your counselor the things you are telling us? Normally, they won't call the men in white coats unless you tell them you have a specific plan to kill yourself or to hurt someone else. If you are able to ignore the sounds and voices then your drugs are probably working to an extent. It is ok to let out the demons here. We all have demons. When I first got out of the army I did not care much if I lived or died. I was having symptoms of dissociative disorder. Reality felt warped to me. It was like my mind wanted to walk away from itself due to severe shocking experiences I had in Vietnam. I felt like all the color in reality just went to black and white. I told army doctors about this feeling like I was in a film and not in contact with reality and they told me I had a personality disorder, and that I was just a chronic complainer etc. This rocked my world in a very bad way. When I got a decent therapist I started to get better.

I do think that when and if you begin to feel overwhelmed that you admit yourself to the hospital where you are actually safe. If you begin to hear voices commanding you to do things etc. that is the time to call crises line and get yourself admitted to the hospital. It means your drugs are not working.

[82airborne]

Would it be financially possible for your GF to stay at home with you. Do you tell your counselor the things you are telling us? Normally, they won't call the men in white coats unless you tell them you have a specific plan to kill yourself or to hurt someone else. If you are able to ignore the sounds and voices then your drugs are probably working to an extent. It is ok to let out the demons here. We all have demons. When I first got out of the army I did not care much if I lived or died. I was having symptoms of dissociative disorder. Reality felt warped to me. It was like my mind wanted to walk away from itself due to severe shocking experiences I had in Vietnam. I felt like all the color in reality just went to black and white. I told army doctors about this feeling like I was in a film and not in contact with reality and they told me I had a personality disorder, and that I was just a chronic complainer etc. This rocked my world in a very bad way. When I got a decent therapist I started to get better.

I do think that when and if you begin to feel overwhelmed that you admit yourself to the hospital where you are actually safe. If you begin to hear voices commanding you to do things etc. that is the time to call crises line and get yourself admitted to the hospital. It means your drugs are not working.

Thanx for the advice no it's not a good idea for my gal to stay home. I love my alone time. I only hear the voices when I get mad long as I stay all by my self I'm good. Yes I be totally honest with my psych. I believe once I actually realize that I am service connected and they not playing games with me and I finally settle down somewhere in the suburbs. I will be fine. I learned last year I gotta stop going places like my old neighborhood where its a pissing contest. I swear I avoid confrontations I do not want no problems.

[82airborne]

Well I got another psych at the va. I might have to get some new MEDS I'm not sure. I been pretty much in the house. I'm staying out of trouble. I'm avoiding anything that will get me upset. Minimal friend visits. I have not even been talking to my family. Just my gal and kids. They will probably give me some new MEDS so hopefully I don't flip out. That RISPERIDONE had my blood pumping. So tomorrow a new day I will strive harder and harder to be a nicer and kinder person. But until I get myself under wraps I'm locked in the house.

[82airborne]

Well I have still been locked in the house. Staying away from trouble. I'm not going to kaiser for treatment they cut off my Medicare so last week I got another psych at the va. He wants me to go to another group counseling. I said nope I don't want no more groups. Plus deep inside I don't see what group counseling will do. To tell you the truth I think something went terribly wrong inside my head. I want them to m.r.i. My head to see if changes have took place in my head. Only thing that seems to work for me is isolation. I think I'm just now getting use to my Prozac and prazosin I don't know but a lifetime in the house DONT seem bad just got to fight boredom. They cancelled my student loans. I don't see how it affected my student loans on my credit. So I'm pretty much waiting to move. Soooo THATS it for now. Hope everybody had a nice Easter. :-)

[uh60james]

It will take your student loans a bit to reflect accurately on your credit report. Give it a month or so and the should show as paid or resolved somehow. From one paratrooper to another hang in there and keep your chin up.

[82airborne]

Its shows payed for but my credit score didn't go up its been about two months since they discharged my loans. But its cool I will just have to wait to my credit score get better to try and buy a house. Two years ago I was 480. I'm almost there. I will just rent a house until I can buy a house. All I TRULLY want to do is disappear. I have been in the house for a while now. I have been staying away from everybody except a couple family and friends. I'm curious to see if the psychiatrist can answer a couple of my questions. So I still plan on staying locked in the house for quite sometime. Ooh well hope everybody has a good night. :-)