Va disability & C&P question regarding veteran with suicide risk

[Lagin02]

So my husband is going though the VA disability process. He began treatment in April doing CPT which aggravated his symptoms immensely. In May, he was fired from the job he has held for 8 years. In June, he was put on disability leave from his National Guard unit after command became aware of his suicide risk and they have mandated that he continues the therapy which is only making the situation worse. He has been in for 15 years and most likely will be medically chaptered out which has worsened his depression significantly. Due to his suicidal thoughts I am trying to manage this financial crisis as best I can because I’m afraid he is being pushed over the edge. He just stares off into space and sits in our basement. I filed for VA disability at the beginning of June because prior to all this he was our only source of income. I left my job a couple months before he was fired because my income was not enough to cover daycare after our son was born. I can’t leave him alone with the kids in the state he is in right now. I payed off our bills for a couple months with our savings but we only have a month left before we will be homeless. I also expedited his claim due to financial hardship in June. His claim seems open and shut to me. He did is C&P exam in July 31st but the VA still haven’t received the report (it was a VA doctor that did it not a contractor).  I called on Thursday to ask where it is and was told “it’s not ready yet” by the office where it was conducted. 

My understanding is you must prove three things:

The stressor:

His stressor occurred in Iraq in 2007. There was a CID investigation due to the circumstances around the event and there are still people in his unit that were in Iraq with him and knew what happened. I don’t want to write details because it would defeat the purpose of confidentiality but there is no denying that it was extremely traumatic and involved death and serious injury of service members in a small convoy. I also have a memorandum signed by the commander sending my husband to the combat stress unit in Iraq after the incident when he became suicidal. In my mind there is no denying the stressor. 

A current diagnosis: 

He is currently under treatment for PTSD at the VA doing CPT and is on medication. His team wants him to do an in-patient program in Chicago but as it stands with our impending homelessness, it just isn’t an opinion right now. 

The Nexus: 

He marked off symptoms of ptsd on his demobilization paperwork and stated he encountered stressors. In his periodic health assessment 6-month and also 1 year follow-ups for his Iraq deployment it shows he endorsed every symptom of PTSD and one Depression question. He was supposed to be referred to mental health according to this form but for whatever reason it slipped through the cracks. His current treatment is focused on the events that occurred during his first deployment. 

I called the VA homeless assistance line and was told that they will place my husband in transitional housing but me and our children (6-month-old and 9-years-old) will need to “find somewhere else to go.” I called the White House VA line and was told “I am so sorry but I don’t know what else I can tell you to do” His ebenifits portal broke 6 weeks ago due to duplicate files and was supposed to be fixed 3 weeks ago but is still broken. I have called veteran resources but all in our area require we have a “resolution” if they assist which we don’t because I don’t know if or when he will start to improve. 

So if your still with me, I have a couple questions: 

How long does it take for the doctor to send a C&P exam? Is it normal that it wouldn’t be don’t weeks after the exam? 

What are the chances that this will be resolved before the end of September when we will be homeless? If we do become homeless how do we follow up with the case with no address? 

Will the transitional housing be able to make sure he doesn’t follow through with his suicidal thoughts? I’m afraid that separating our family and having to toss everything we have build over the last 10 years will push him over the edge and I won’t be there to make sure he is okay. 

Is there anything else I can or should be doing? 

Is there any chance he could get better soon? Like it gets really bad but than starts then better? He has a bachelor’s degree and if he stops staring off into space and having these episodes he could get a job paying good money or I can work and he can watch the kids. I can’t imagine throwing everything we own in a dumpster, having my family torn apart, and taking my kids to a homeless shelter. I don’t even know how to explain it to my 9-year-old. He always struggled but at least he was functioning by numbing everything and isolation prior to opening this can of worms. We were financially comfortable so I just don’t understand how things got so bad so fast.

[vetquest]

Lagin02.  Not to pile on you but my wife was offered couples counseling with me when the VA determined that my disability was affecting my marriage.  I do not know if they do this anymore but you might look into it.

[GeekySquid]

15 minutes ago, Buck52 said:

However you need to take control if your hubby is resisted to the CPT 

I am in agreement with all of Bucks above post.

CPT, and buck knows this well, can help or harm. Different people react differently to different types of therapy.

Sometimes "getting worse" is the start of "getting better" that is for you, him and the Dr to discuss.

[paulstrgn]

As you can see Langin02...everyone above cares for you and your families well being. This comes from caring, as veterans we care about our brothers and sisters, no one wants to see anyone hurting. We know that the family of the veteran can hurt and suffer as much as the veteran does. But always remember as veterans we are always there for our fellow veterans (spouses are just as much the veteran as the veteran themselves). We want to see you and your family safe and free from worry. 

Remember you are never alone for your family of veterans are there to assist you as much as possible. Please get the care you and your family need.

[Lagin02]

6 minutes ago, GeekySquid said:

Berta, it is true things have changed in this area, but if you read Lagin02's posts you see the residuals of social approbation about mental health issues. One of her first, and continuing statements is displeasure/fear of people finding out that they have problems financially and with MH.

I fall into the old ways of "being a man" and not talking about my personal garbage to strangers and I really struggle when here when I know a factoid about my life might help another veteran. Part of me still does not want to "talk" about things despite knowing it can help others, and myself.

I get her feeling this way, I just want to support her in speaking out to the public if needed and to a therapist or other in-person support system.

Shame and humiliation are useless emotions when they drive a person to living in the streets or being abused by a person, employer, or system like the VA. 

As someone who went through parallels of the OP's situation, you of all people know the value of a support system even if it is not formal therapy. I just hope the OP heeds my suggestion and builds that or gets therapy and puts her own health as a priority in the mix of dealing with husband, kids, life, the VA and all the other garbage that modern life throws at us.

Well when you put it like that... I didn’t make the connection between the stigma and the shame. You right that I have been allowing my concern over being humiliated drive many of my decisions. I never really stopped to think about why I felt embarrassed when it wasn’t something either he or I created. It’s not even the people closest to me that I’m worried about. My friends and family know what’s going on. He has driven away most of his own family and I am the oldest in my family and the most functional so we don’t have support there. It’s people I don’t even know I’m concerned about. I don’t want people to look at us as a charity case or see my husband and think he’s crazy or bad. He really is a good man who had some really terrible things happen to him. Why I let myself have any concern over what people who don’t even know me think is a bit irrational. 

I didn’t mean to make it sound like I wasn’t taking that seriously. I have been in therapy on and off throughout my adult life. I think the tools I learned is what has allowed me to handle this situation. I can handle bad things happening to me, it’s watching the ones I’m supposed to take care of be hurt and be helpless to make it better that causes me the most stress. I will more than likely be in counseling with my husband while he does the program and I know his therapist mentioned that I could also attend individual therapy at the VA. It’s just a matter of childcare right now and my son is still nursing so I can’t really leave him. Once this all gets sorted, I’ll figure out what I need to do to get that set up. 

 

[Lagin02]

27 minutes ago, Buck52 said:

''I wish we could have him go before the claims are worked out but that means leaving me to try and move out of our house with our young daughter and  infant son. I literally can’t do it by myself. I’m still recovering from the preeclampsia I developed during my pregnancy with our son last December. ''

 Mam,I certainly understand this ..*I do not mean to be mean or hurt your feelings please understand that below in this post. it is some what harse. and I apologize if you take this the wrong way.

However you need to take control if your hubby is resisted to the CPT  And has angry out burst to you as well as well others and him self

your hubby needs help and he needs it now. 

If your left to move out of your home...you need to figure out a way or a plan  for someone to help you..actually your the one that needs to be strong for your hubby/family .

if you can stay with  friends/family ask them to help you after they get off work   you can go see a county judge and get permission or extension on living in your home  if  you expect a forclosure soon on your home? 

 all of this will take time  and in between you stressing & dealing with your hubby behavior and him seeking the help he so badly needs . like geeky mention it can and will take its toll on You!!!

its easy for us to say what you need to do or give our opinions  but  your the sane one in your family  if you let it get to you  you will be in the hospital and kids taken to a foster home from the Children's Protective  services by a local Judge orders.

Do what you need to do to survive with your family...ask people/friends to help you   let them know your hubby needs to get better and Seeking treatment  and you don't have him to help you  and you need help now...let them know your hubby has a claim in to be compensated for his disease THAT HAS  OCCURRED IN THE GULF WAR CONFLICT or where ever your hubby was traumatized...  and you can pay your way when he wins his compensation claim...but you need help NOW.

This is about all I know to say about this whole issue  hubby needs help and the right kind of help   he needs the advise of an experienced Phyistrist /Therapist as to what type of help he gets....some times we receive the wrong help  you can tell by his physical actions to his behavior  if the therapy is not helping  An intervention of some type needs to be addressed for the correct help he needs  it could very well save his life.

if you lose everything ''materiel speaking'' so what and you have your kids and hubby  to me that is the most important thing to consider.

its called starting over. but at least you will still have your family.

 

10 minutes ago, GeekySquid said:

I am in agreement with all of Bucks above post.

CPT, and buck knows this well, can help or harm. Different people react differently to different types of therapy.

Sometimes "getting worse" is the start of "getting better" that is for you, him and the Dr to discuss.

Unfortunately he is mandated to attend therapy by his unit command. Not that they care to deal with the problems it’s caused. I haven’t heard anything from them since they put him in “disability counseling” and said he cannot attend any military training until he is cleared by a military doctor. 

[Lagin02]

Just now, Lagin02 said:

if you can stay with  friends/family ask them to help you after they get off work   you can go see a county judge and get permission or extension on living in your home  if  you expect a forclosure soon on your home?

My best friend said that I can stay with her if it comes to it.  I’m the oldest of my siblings and most functional of my family so I can’t really get support in that area. We rent and our landlady is older and relies on this rental income to pay her own bills. I guess technically I could stay until I was evicted but I could never do that to her. I’m not as heartless as the VA. 

 

5 minutes ago, Lagin02 said:

if you lose everything ''materiel speaking'' so what and you have your kids and hubby  to me that is the most important thing to consider.

its called starting over. but at least you will still have your family.

That’s exactly what I have been telling my husband when he makes comments about ending his life so we can have his life insurance. Stuff can be replaced but my husband and my children’s father is irreplaceable. Fortunately, I don’t think it will come to that. His TSP will get us through another two months and I am pretty confident that his claim will be approved.