ptsd A Few Questions - TRIGGERS !

[marine26]

A little backround........ I am an e4 in irr, my wife left me and i never leave home unless need be. i have no friends and dont trust many people. i joined the usmc and was an 0311 deployed to fallujah, iraq in 07. While deployed i seen a lot of mortars and small arms fire but on 5/18/07 my best friend was shot in the chest and my kevlare was grazed during a frire fight where i recieved my C.A.R. I also had to take out the enemy and bag em up. After returning home and over sevaral months after that I as well as my family started noticing my behavior which was directly related to the symptoms of ptsd. i hid it from my command in the fear of the possible repucussions. I seperated from the marines honorably in 04/10. During a job interview on 5/17/10( a day before the anniversary of 5/18/07) i was on the floor of the call center. There was so many things going on to include noise and people walking around me. And all of those feelings of 5/18 came to me and I had a panic attack. After that i became more or less totally alienated from the outside world. I have tried a few side jobs but the always seemed to make symptoms worse. I went to the va in 7/10 and was diagnosed with ptsd and was given a GAF score of 45. since then I have lost 7 more buddies that were in my unit. And everytime I think of them i am reminded of my experiences which seem to intensify my nightmares, flashbacks, and panic attacks. I was put on trazodone, prazosin, and buspar for nightmares, depression, anxiety, and to help me get to sleep at night. Finally a year and a half after i first filed for ptsd to the VA i was given my C&P exam last week. I was extremely nervous and didnt get any real sleep the few nights before. When he called me into his office and asked me how i was doing I didnt say anything. he asked again and i reluctently said well i'm hear. He asked me about 20-30 questions and told me he noted that by my eyes it looked like i havent slept in days, i gave little eye contact, and the fact that my leg was shaking near continuously through the interview. The exam took 20-30 min and when it was done he said if i recieved 50% or less to come back to see him and as i was walking out he said "just remember, i've been doing thid 15 years". What is that supose to mean? I was angry because i felt like he barely scratched the surface as to what i was dealing with in his questions. While waiting at the va pharmacy i was really uncomfortable with all the people around me, had a long time to wait to be seen, and was still kind of angry with the doc. I figured a simple way to solve all of those problems was to leave the pharmacy, go talk again to the doc, and by the time i was done my prescription would be filled and i could leave. I went up and sat in the empty waiting room until he came out in which i told him i wanted to talk to him. i told him i was bothered with the fact that the exam was so short and he asked me if there were anything in particular i wanted to talk about and i told him about my wifes family convincing her that if she stayed with me id end up hurting or killing her. ( i have anger problems but i take it out on walls and dishes, i have never hit my wife.) I also told him how i had thoughts and visions and emotions that came over me almost constantly and it made me feel out of control, which i hate. he told me it wasnt he didnt handle therapy he just decided whether or not he would hire me. which made me more angry so i just told him okay and i would like to leave now. he told me he would do his best and said again to just remember he had been doing this for 15 years which i still dont understand his intentions behind saying that. I just handled everything naturally as it came to me. The exam was friday and the doc had his report in monday. Is that good or bad?

My questions are what does some one here think about everything to include, what should my rating be? Did i do something wrong or act innappropriate that day? I still feel as if there are things that i experience daily that were not addressed so how do i get that information out there to them? Am I crazy? When should i apply fo tdiu? Please, any insigt would be helpful. This whole thing has been driving me crazy and i'd like some insight so i can move on with my miserable everyday life.

Edited September 14, 2011 by marine26

[marine26]

I called the VA today and they said my claim was closed but my letter hasnt been sent out yet. I thought they were suspose to send the letter before the closed the claim. Is that true? How long after a claim is closed do you usually recieve your letter and retro pay?

[cooter]

Keep your eye on your bank account. Alot of times the money shows up before the letter. It seems the letters been showing up a few days after. The first check is usually the retro.

Coot

[ric999]

A little backround........ I am an e4 in irr, my wife left me and i never leave home unless need be. i have no friends and dont trust many people. i joined the usmc and was an 0311 deployed to fallujah, iraq in 07. While deployed i seen a lot of mortars and small arms fire but on 5/18/07 my best friend was shot in the chest and my kevlare was grazed during a frire fight where i recieved my C.A.R. I also had to take out the enemy and bag em up. After returning home and over sevaral months after that I as well as my family started noticing my behavior which was directly related to the symptoms of ptsd. i hid it from my command in the fear of the possible repucussions. I seperated from the marines honorably in 04/10. During a job interview on 5/17/10( a day before the anniversary of 5/18/07) i was on the floor of the call center. There was so many things going on to include noise and people walking around me. And all of those feelings of 5/18 came to me and I had a panic attack. After that i became more or less totally alienated from the outside world. I have tried a few side jobs but the always seemed to make symptoms worse. I went to the va in 7/10 and was diagnosed with ptsd and was given a GAF score of 45. since then I have lost 7 more buddies that were in my unit. And everytime I think of them i am reminded of my experiences which seem to intensify my nightmares, flashbacks, and panic attacks. I was put on trazodone, prazosin, and buspar for nightmares, depression, anxiety, and to help me get to sleep at night. Finally a year and a half after i first filed for ptsd to the VA i was given my C&P exam last week. I was extremely nervous and didnt get any real sleep the few nights before. When he called me into his office and asked me how i was doing I didnt say anything. he asked again and i reluctently said well i'm hear. He asked me about 20-30 questions and told me he noted that by my eyes it looked like i havent slept in days, i gave little eye contact, and the fact that my leg was shaking near continuously through the interview. The exam took 20-30 min and when it was done he said if i recieved 50% or less to come back to see him and as i was walking out he said "just remember, i've been doing thid 15 years". What is that supose to mean? I was angry because i felt like he barely scratched the surface as to what i was dealing with in his questions. While waiting at the va pharmacy i was really uncomfortable with all the people around me, had a long time to wait to be seen, and was still kind of angry with the doc. I figured a simple way to solve all of those problems was to leave the pharmacy, go talk again to the doc, and by the time i was done my prescription would be filled and i could leave. I went up and sat in the empty waiting room until he came out in which i told him i wanted to talk to him. i told him i was bothered with the fact that the exam was so short and he asked me if there were anything in particular i wanted to talk about and i told him about my wifes family convincing her that if she stayed with me id end up hurting or killing her. ( i have anger problems but i take it out on walls and dishes, i have never hit my wife.) I also told him how i had thoughts and visions and emotions that came over me almost constantly and it made me feel out of control, which i hate. he told me it wasnt he didnt handle therapy he just decided whether or not he would hire me. which made me more angry so i just told him okay and i would like to leave now. he told me he would do his best and said again to just remember he had been doing this for 15 years which i still dont understand his intentions behind saying that. I just handled everything naturally as it came to me. The exam was friday and the doc had his report in monday. Is that good or bad?

My questions are what does some one here think about everything to include, what should my rating be? Did i do something wrong or act innappropriate that day? I still feel as if there are things that i experience daily that were not addressed so how do i get that information out there to them? Am I crazy? When should i apply fo tdiu? Please, any insigt would be helpful. This whole thing has been driving me crazy and i'd like some insight so i can move on with my miserable everyday life.

[ric999]

A little backround........ I am an e4 in irr, my wife left me and i never leave home unless need be. i have no friends and dont trust many people. i joined the usmc and was an 0311 deployed to fallujah, iraq in 07. While deployed i seen a lot of mortars and small arms fire but on 5/18/07 my best friend was shot in the chest and my kevlare was grazed during a frire fight where i recieved my C.A.R. I also had to take out the enemy and bag em up. After returning home and over sevaral months after that I as well as my family started noticing my behavior which was directly related to the symptoms of ptsd. i hid it from my command in the fear of the possible repucussions. I seperated from the marines honorably in 04/10. During a job interview on 5/17/10( a day before the anniversary of 5/18/07) i was on the floor of the call center. There was so many things going on to include noise and people walking around me. And all of those feelings of 5/18 came to me and I had a panic attack. After that i became more or less totally alienated from the outside world. I have tried a few side jobs but the always seemed to make symptoms worse. I went to the va in 7/10 and was diagnosed with ptsd and was given a GAF score of 45. since then I have lost 7 more buddies that were in my unit. And everytime I think of them i am reminded of my experiences which seem to intensify my nightmares, flashbacks, and panic attacks. I was put on trazodone, prazosin, and buspar for nightmares, depression, anxiety, and to help me get to sleep at night. Finally a year and a half after i first filed for ptsd to the VA i was given my C&P exam last week. I was extremely nervous and didnt get any real sleep the few nights before. When he called me into his office and asked me how i was doing I didnt say anything. he asked again and i reluctently said well i'm hear. He asked me about 20-30 questions and told me he noted that by my eyes it looked like i havent slept in days, i gave little eye contact, and the fact that my leg was shaking near continuously through the interview. The exam took 20-30 min and when it was done he said if i recieved 50% or less to come back to see him and as i was walking out he said "just remember, i've been doing thid 15 years". What is that supose to mean? I was angry because i felt like he barely scratched the surface as to what i was dealing with in his questions. While waiting at the va pharmacy i was really uncomfortable with all the people around me, had a long time to wait to be seen, and was still kind of angry with the doc. I figured a simple way to solve all of those problems was to leave the pharmacy, go talk again to the doc, and by the time i was done my prescription would be filled and i could leave. I went up and sat in the empty waiting room until he came out in which i told him i wanted to talk to him. i told him i was bothered with the fact that the exam was so short and he asked me if there were anything in particular i wanted to talk about and i told him about my wifes family convincing her that if she stayed with me id end up hurting or killing her. ( i have anger problems but i take it out on walls and dishes, i have never hit my wife.) I also told him how i had thoughts and visions and emotions that came over me almost constantly and it made me feel out of control, which i hate. he told me it wasnt he didnt handle therapy he just decided whether or not he would hire me. which made me more angry so i just told him okay and i would like to leave now. he told me he would do his best and said again to just remember he had been doing this for 15 years which i still dont understand his intentions behind saying that. I just handled everything naturally as it came to me. The exam was friday and the doc had his report in monday. Is that good or bad?

My questions are what does some one here think about everything to include, what should my rating be? Did i do something wrong or act innappropriate that day? I still feel as if there are things that i experience daily that were not addressed so how do i get that information out there to them? Am I crazy? When should i apply fo tdiu? Please, any insigt would be helpful. This whole thing has been driving me crazy and i'd like some insight so i can move on with my miserable everyday life.

hey I was reading your post--I have my C&P exam next tuesday---was trying to get some tips. Hopefully your doing better man-take care.

[ric999]

And i am not an e2 or a recruit. i am an e4 in irr

Ya-it automatically made be a seamen--could not find where to change this.