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ptsd Do You Think I Might Have Ptsd?
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Question
ExAirman
I am really starting to wonder if I could be suffering from PTSD and would like some friendly insight. Here is my story.
Currently I am retired vet rated at 70% VA disability for Sleep Apnea, a minor mental health issue (due to thyroid imbalance) plus a small host of other issues. My Sleep Apnea is considered 'cured' by the VA and other doctors because my AHI ( apnea-hypopnea index) is well within acceptable limits. This is all great, except I am still horendously tired and sleepy all the time and it is getting steadily worse and cannot for the life of me figure out what to do about it. I've seen the docs and they say 'take sleeping pills' , find a quiet place to sleep, etc... it hasn't helped. I am certain that since my chronic sleepiness is not due to a physical condition, it must be mental.
I've began piecing together things and think it's possible that the real reason for my exhaustion might be PTSD, even though I've denied to myself over the years this could be possible. I started thinking of the potential of PTSD when, during my C&P exam, the phycologist asked me why I wasn't applying for PTSD, I said I something like "I dont think I have any symptoms that I can detect" and he gave me a quiet long and pointed stare before ending the interview. I think he was trying to tell me that he believed I might be suffering from it, but because he was doing the C&P he couldn't state it to me - so he attempted to nudge me in that direction.
I have most of the indicators of PTST but the main reason I didn't think I had PTSD (and still am not sure) is becuase I don't suffer from the persisten Nightmares or reaccurent thoughts / images of my time in Iraq. But I've recently found the criteria for diagnosis to include that you can reexperience the event through events that resemble an aspect of the tramatic event. During my time in Iraq I spent the majority of my days sitting in my office doing paperwork on my computer with some excursions to work with my personnel. During the 3 months I was there we had over 300 mortar and rocket attacks on the base - they never seemed to end - several came very close to me and the building I worked in - although none every hit it directly. When I returned to home station I began to feel exceptionally fatigued and was ultimately diagnosed with Sleep Apnea. I was put on a CPAP but it has not done much at all to reduce my fatigue - it just kept getting worse.
I've now also began to realize it was around this same time frame that I began to lose my ability to focus on work and when I used the computer I had a very hard time doing the tasks I was assigned - I would start spending more and more time doing pointless activities like reading the news and doing random web searches for hours on end. I never did this before going to Iraq. I still do this most of the time I use the computer. I use to do productive work - I am a computer programmer and used to write lots of code - I don't anymore. I used to develop and maintain databases - not anymore. Doing productive work is nearly immpossible using my computer - something I used to greatly enjoy. I recently started a part time job teaching computer science at a local college and am starting to find myself having great trouble preparing for lessons and remembering what it is I am supposed to say during lectures - even though I prepared the day before...
What I am thinking is my persistent reoccurant aspect of PTSD is the act of doing office work on my computer. Is it that even possible? Could I be connecting the act of doing office work with the nearly constant bombardment of my base? If so, how do I fix this? I would love to get some rest again - and be able do some useful work.
I realize I've rambled on a bit, but hopefully I have been coherent enough for you to give me some advice on this issue.
Thank you for your consideration.
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