diabetes Spouse Passed Away Before Va Made Decision

[SSGMike.Ivy]

To help out a women whoes husband passed away she had the following question. I know the knowledge of some members here and appreciate the responses. I have been checking for answers for her and do not want to post the wrong information. From my understanding if your receiving VA disability you must have been receiving these benefits for 10 years prior to your death to have them passed on to your spouse. Is this correct?

==============Any her question==================

My beloved husband was rated 90% before he passed away from complications from Type II Diabetes. He had just found out about the Unemployability Claim and had applied before his death. The VA said and I quote "Any pending claims die with the veteran. I'm sorry." My husband proudly served in Vietnam for 2 tours and was in law enforcement for 30 years before PTSD and heart problems forced him to be homebound. I quit my very good job of 20 years to take care for him. I'm so happy I did as my heart breaks now, missing him but now I have almost nothing and I am so deeply depressed I can't even look for work. Can someone please help me? I wrote the DAV but they haven't answered back. Thank you.

[KimB]

How wonderful you all are. I came here to find out about benefits but received so much more. I have been so lost because honestly I don't think anyone who tries to help you after a loss understands how it feels to lose your soldier. I married Robert when I was 24 and he was 39 so it had been years since Vietnam. I knew he was special when I married him but the next 21 years showed me that he was much more special than I ever could hope for.

To the veterans who answered, thank you just isn't enough. It's my goal to use my education benefits to finally get my Masters and work with servicemen and women in anyway I can help the most.

For now, does anyone know a forum or somewhere I can go to talk about the pain I'm having from losing my soulmate. I am so lost and so sad and scared. Of course, you're stuck with me here for benefits help..lol I don't want to take away from others who need help.

Sorry for rambling... ;)

Hugs,

Kim

[free_spirit_etc]

Kim,

What a great idea for the Masters! I am sure your Robert has been honored. And losing a soulmate is very hard - because we connect in such a way it is hard to tell where they end and we begin - so it can feel like part of them is gone and part of them is still here, but also feel like part of you is still here and part of you is gone.

I don't have much active experience with online support groups for losing a soulmate.

There is a online forum http://www.griefnet.org/ that has many groups - all with specific types of losses.

So you might want to check some of them out.

Free

How wonderful you all are. I came here to find out about benefits but received so much more. I have been so lost because honestly I don't think anyone who tries to help you after a loss understands how it feels to lose your soldier. I married Robert when I was 24 and he was 39 so it had been years since Vietnam. I knew he was special when I married him but the next 21 years showed me that he was much more special than I ever could hope for.

To the veterans who answered, thank you just isn't enough. It's my goal to use my education benefits to finally get my Masters and work with servicemen and women in anyway I can help the most.

For now, does anyone know a forum or somewhere I can go to talk about the pain I'm having from losing my soulmate. I am so lost and so sad and scared. Of course, you're stuck with me here for benefits help..lol I don't want to take away from others who need help.

Sorry for rambling... ;)

Hugs,

Kim

[Berta]

Betty (I still call you Josephine-after all this time!)

I NEVER would consider you WEAK in any way-

You need to give yourself a lot of credit-

You taught me a lot! as well as others- and the fact that you NEVER gave up-is something everyone new to this board will take courage from.

I think I am one of the biggest whiners and gripers here! Ha Ha-I Have PMS (pissing and moaning syndrome from the VA itself)

Believe me Josephine- I have learned from you and your claim

and you have proven to us all that Nothing is Impossible.

Kim-the VA itself might be able to provide you with either a referral to a widows group or even some counselling itself-

counselling isnt really the word I mean- support is what you need-and understanding-

I got a VA appointment thing in the mail after Rod died to see his VA shrink- we already had a long relationship established and managed to have some good sessions-at the VA - dealing with Rod's death.He was not good at PTSD with Rod but excellent in relating to the grief,denial, anger, and acceptance pattern that we widows go through.

There is a widows and widowers group locally that a widow who goes to the VA Chapel a lot told me about-close to the VAMC- unfortunately I never went to a meeting-I got too busy- I joined the local volunteer fire department and found that this helped me deal with my loss-

I said here a few times- sometimes we have to give away what we feel we dont have-

I felt in shock and numb by Rod's death.At some point I felt nothing at all-just empty-almost like the way some PTSD vets feel- numb to it all-feeling but not feeling-

they know what I mean

when I started doing volunteer work-I guess I was trying to give away the emptiness I felt-

but I filled up with some down right happiness instead !-it took time-but

I seemed to get back a lot more than I gave-

I made some superb friends in the Fire ,EMS and police departments,went to all drills and fires,learned a whole lot about pumpers and knock downs,

and basically began to accept that Rod's death meant change- but not loss- he is always with me-

and he had been a fireman too so maybe that helped me by joining the local volunteer fire dept.

I am not saying that you have to do lots of volunteer work or anything like that- but I am saying that the change of your husband's death will give you new roads to travel on-

and his memory will always be on those roads with you.

There are widow and widower groups on the internet-

but I know some have been corrupted by nut cases and perverts.

Unfortunately there are people out there who will try to take advantage of any of us-

and often see widows as vulnerable-

Even by sharing these feeling here with us- you are helping many-aside from your claim-

to understand what it is like to lose a veteran.

And to lose them DUE to their service makes the loss even much more poignant and sad.

BUT you will survive this all and your husband will be proud of how you do that.

[Josephine]

How wonderful you all are. I came here to find out about benefits but received so much more. I have been so lost because honestly I don't think anyone who tries to help you after a loss understands how it feels to lose your soldier. I married Robert when I was 24 and he was 39 so it had been years since Vietnam. I knew he was special when I married him but the next 21 years showed me that he was much more special than I ever could hope for.

To the veterans who answered, thank you just isn't enough. It's my goal to use my education benefits to finally get my Masters and work with servicemen and women in anyway I can help the most.

For now, does anyone know a forum or somewhere I can go to talk about the pain I'm having from losing my soulmate. I am so lost and so sad and scared. Of course, you're stuck with me here for benefits help..lol I don't want to take away from others who need help.

Sorry for rambling... ;)

Hugs,

Kim

Kim,

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I am blessed to still

have mine around after 44 years, but can imagine what you are

feeling.

I have very little knowledge of the VA and the rules and regulations,

but we are all here to help you any way we can.

My prayers are with you.

Always,

Betty